I am 30, she's 28, no kids. Married just over a year. Having fights more and more often. In previous fights she has said that she married me because she didn't think she could get anyone else, and inside I felt the same way, but didn't tell her. She has threatened to leave me several times, although I didn't think that she'd go 100% thru with it. Now I find myself on empty with her emotionally, and I think divorce will ultimately be the answer, but I don't want to make a mistake. I never thought that *I* would get a divorce. I think she thinks things are going ok for us now, but i'm a wreck inside. We just bought a house that if apart, we can't afford on one salary. What should I do? Talk to a laywer? Councelor? With or without her? Talk to her? I know the second I tell her that i'm not "in love" with her anymore, she's going to literally go berzerk. Any help would be appreciated..
2007-10-01 04:20:40 · 13 answers · asked by two_22515 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to seek a marriage counselor and see if this can be salvaged before you two just give up...especially only after one year.
2007-10-01 04:26:04 · answer #1 · answered by CC 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now you are both hurt and only reacting and dealing with things emotionally and not in the best sense of it. Go and talk with a counselor, or a pastor, someone who can help the two of you communicate better and understand yours and there feelings better. A marriage can be saved and worked out if the two if you want it. Make the first steps towards this and set up a counseling session for yourself. Tell your wife that you love her and your marriage is important to you and that you hope she will go to counseling with you. Alot of times when one person is hurt or angered the other person reacts in kind as a protection from getting hurt. Then the only thing happening is each other hurting the other person and building a wall between each other to lessen the pain and hurt. If one person will step up and say and do the things necessary to try and fix it, the other may follow also. Don't give up, you can make this work. Once you start doing and saying the things each other needs to hear and see, the love will come back and it will be easy to keep doing these things and loving each other. Goodluck.
2007-10-01 04:43:38 · answer #2 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not take this the wrong way but from the sounds of it you make it sound like you were never in love with her and you more got married to her for convenience "she has said that she married me because she didn't think she could get anyone else, and inside I felt the same way, but didn't tell her." This is where the problem really is. Marriage is not something that can be done for convenience because look where it ends up as much fun as it is and great it is also a job something that has to be worked on it is the most important job you have. It is not easy. If you really did love her or do then go get help for the two of you. It sounds like you both may be feeling the same way but you will never know until you talk to her
2007-10-01 04:34:12 · answer #3 · answered by Kristi S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off you should accept that you're not always going to have that feeling of being in love. That comes and goes and sometimes the feeling of hate will make it's appearance too.
I don't reccomend staying together. It's only been a year and looking back in the future it will only be a blip of the past. Before making any big decisions I suggest going to a councelor by yourself. That will help you make sense of not only what's going on with you but also your wife. Threatening to leave is so wrong. I've had that played on me too and I know that it ruins a relationship. I hope the best for you.
2007-10-01 04:30:17 · answer #4 · answered by good girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any relationship that is good or that stands the test of time, is one in which there is good communication. If you don't talk about how you feel, what you want need and expect and where each of you are at a given time, how can you work on it and fix it?
If she gets upset, that may be a natural response but going ballistic isn't. Once she calms down, there are still issues that need to be discussed and dealt with, let her know that. If she still can't, perhaps she is just too immature.
Just a hint, I wouldn't say that you aren't in love with her any more. I would let her know with everything that has happened and what you've been through , it is very hard to feel the same.
2007-10-01 04:58:50 · answer #5 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that you both go to see a marriage councelor. Maybe you can talk things over and learn to get along better. But a year really isn't a long time to be married, so maybe you should hang on a little longer and see if a divorce is really the answer for you.
2007-10-01 04:30:57 · answer #6 · answered by cgc17788 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People sometimes say things in the heat of hurt that they might otherwise not. Yes, that's definitely and OUCH.
However, I'll put a few links below that I found helpful. But I think I found them too late to help. Maybe for you it will be better. If you don't solve your issues in marriage one, chances are you'll just repeat.
Hope you find these helpful. Some have free thoughtful, helpful newsletters.
I'm sending up a prayer for your marriage, hope you'll send one for mine.
2007-10-01 05:58:23 · answer #7 · answered by believeinlove 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You HAVE to talk to her first. It may be salvagable. But maybe it can be worked out in therapy sessions. It may end amicably that way. The house can be sold I would clog up your thinking with that issue. This divorce could be pretty easy when you think about it. It hasnot been all that long and it doesnt sound like she is looking for alimony.
2007-10-01 04:26:33 · answer #8 · answered by Devdude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to save your marriage, ask her to accompany you to a marriage counselor. If you are positive you don't love her, put your house on the market and get a divorce.
2007-10-01 04:28:08 · answer #9 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get to a counselor! Together! Faster than immediately!
2007-10-01 04:31:41 · answer #10 · answered by Durga sings the classics 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋