He gets mad at me and tells me I am stupid and degrades me. What am I supposed to do?

Question

Everytime he gets with his family, he starts cutting me down. He talks to me like I am worse than a dog and belittles me and makes me cry. Why does he do this instead of speaking his peace.
We had a huge argument this morning because he is late for everything. He was supposed to pick me up at 0800 and take me to the courthouse to get papers for my dog. He was late and the office closed at 1000. I was really stressed out and we were not going to make it in time. He is late for everything. Its embarrasing. We were late to 1 yr olds birthday party, a doctors appointment, a appointment with the insurance company,. We were late to a funeral last year. Its a problem, and he is the cause. We had a concert to go to and we were late for it and since I did not want to be embarrassed, I just sat outside the concert hall instead of having everyone look at me trying to get to my seat. Why does he do this? Whats the deal?

Answer 1

leave him>>he simply doesnt desereve you

Answer 2

If you feel like you want to be with him, then try this. Write him a letter telling him exactly how you feel. Give him some time to digest it, and don't be there when he reads it.Tell him that if he cares for you at all, then he will take the letter seriously and listen to how you feel. You could always make a list of reasons for and against staying with him too. Think about it objectively. Even if you love him, that is not always enough to sustain a relationship. Do you feel secure with him? What does he bring to your life other than the negative things you've mentioned? You have been with him since at least last year; are you with him because you want to be, or has it just become "comfortable"?

If you confront him directly, then it will probably turn into an argument.

Honestly, it sounds like he has problems of his own and perhaps he shouldn't be in a relationship right now. Talk to your friends or a therapist, but talk to someone and don't bottle things up. Good luck.

Answer 3

For the perpetual lateness, you might want to give him an earlier time. If the event starts at 5, tell him it starts at 4. Or take separate vehicles. "Oh, you're not ready yet? Well, see ya when ya get there!" Also, are some of these events things he'd prefer *not* to go to? He may be dragging his feet in hopes of getting out of going.

Re: the degrading remarks, has his family ever called him to task for it? Is that the way his family normally acts towards each other? It may be a behavior that he's used to and he doesn't see that there's anything wrong with it. Does he cut you down when you are alone together, too? Some people only disparage their loved ones for an audience to make themselves feel bigger. (We have a friend whose wife does this to him but is supposedly ok when they are alone).

Answer 4

By my experience, you may want to see a good marriage counselor. But before you go you will have to be prepared to tell all, and listen to what the counselor says. This is if you realy still love him and it is in your heart. Breaking up a marriage is not easy. So, this you will have to approach with care and let a pro help you.
If he is your boyfriend, then easily you can leave him. Now, if you and him have been living together then don't worry because just living together is not a true committment like marriage, but since some of the belonings are shared he may claim all is his and here is where you will have to seek help from a pro like a lawyer.
Some men can be talked to and they will in a few cases make changes because they now see that not only the wife but the child is being hurt due to these problems he is causing.
So best is to go to a good counselor and let them handle your situation. But, I will be praying for you and I know that you will be comming out of all this just fine.

Answer 5

He belittles you to make himself look better. In reality, he is making himself look like the mean guy. People that are doing this are constantly pointing fingers at others to get the attention off of them. Do you not drive? Why do you have to wait? Get someone else to take you. Make sure you get where you need to be on time and he can show up late himself. Tell him to stop, it has become a habit to treat you this way. You have become his target and when he starts in, just tell him STOP. and walk away. He is a bully. Talk to a therapist, he can guide you on how to not be a victim. You don't say if this is a boyfriend, husband or what, otherwise, leaving is an option. I spent years in therapy because I lived with a bully and kept finding someone who treated me as such. I finally learned. No more bullies, I stop them dead in their tracks. It is my body language, and my leaving that stops them and I don't go back... I have given up relationships with relatives, friends, for my peace of mind. Ask him to go to therapy with you if you think it will help. (Get a ride from someone else, don't be late)

Answer 6

Things will only get worse instead of better if he is already acting this way now. Is this your husband? Also, your child will probably grow up this way disresepcting you. He is being disrespectful because he takes things for granted too much. If you threaten to leave him what does he say? Maybe you cried wolf too much and he doesn't believe you. My ex-spouse was exactly this way and I put up with him for years out of loyalty to the marriage and now I regret it everday as my children are messed up from it. Also, he just got worse the longer we were married. I would get out while the getting out is good before it affects your child and don't have any more children with him as he doesn't deserve any children. Maybe pray for him or talk to a pastor to see what they think. My opinion based on experience is if I married a Christian man none of this would have happened. I got what I deserved.

Answer 7

Good grief why are you still with him ? The problem is not why he does this the problem is why are you at the receiving end ? If you have an appointment to keep you are the only person responsible to keep it. If you have been let down once to do something important you just do not make the same arrangements again.

Answer 8

From your description, it is he himself that he is upset with; he is not feeling worthy or some such.
You need to get into counseling, a church pastor, whatever, or consider leaving him.
Men get grouchy, etc., for various reasons; the usual is liquour.
Sounds as though the only way he can build himself up is by tearing you down.
Talk with him to find out what the problem is; ask him how you can help him. But, draw the line somewhere...

Answer 9

You're supposed to break up with him! You deserve better and you can't change him no matter how hard you try. But until you realize that and quit trying you won't be able to get rid of this looser. You don't deserve all of the blame and grief. Being alone is better than being put down and criticized any day!

Answer 10

Yahoo answers might not be the best place to vent.

He does it for whatever reason - if you've talked to him about it and he still does it and you let him get away with it then you would likely be better off if you got some counseling and ended the relationship. I can't tell you what to do, I don't know you - what I wrote is what I would do, if it seems like good advice to you then please follow it, if not then good luck!

Answer 11

I would say he has a real lack of self esteem and feels like he needs to do this to you to make him feel beter. Whatever the reason...I would leave him. Nobody deserves to be treated like you have. It will just get worse with time.