is it better for children if their parents divorce or remain together unhappy?

Answer 1

Statistically, in most cases it is better for children, for parents to remain together and commit to each others happiness ! It's also better for parents (of couples surveyed 5 years after troubles, those who stayed together reported happiness more than couples who parted)

As a child of divorce, I would say in retrospect, I'd have been so better off if my parents had stayed together and worked out their difficulties. But I didn't think that at the time. (I was in college) My mother was unhappy, and wanted the D. My dad loved my mom and did not. My mom never even had another long term relationship. While my dad did eventually remarry and was very happy with my stepmom.
This was very damaging in the long run for me and my siblings.
All newest stats show that divorce is damaging to children. Both at the time of the divorce, and later in their personal relationships. Those are the facts that can't be gotten around. Only if there is real physical, psych or emotional abuse is it better for parents to part.

Answer 2

Absolutely not. The truth of the matter is that children need a stable environment to grow up in. Just because two parents are together does not mean it is a good environment. If the parents don't get along, fight, ignore or neglect each other because they are not happy, that is hardly sending out a good message about a loving relationship to their children. In addition, if you are in a relationship where the love and respect has gone, then you will not be an energetic and happy person, which will affect your quality time spent with your children.

Sure it is fine for kids to see their parents struggle a bit during a marriage. If you never see your parents have a controlled argument, then you are not seeing reality. You do not want to give them the idea that you quit when things get hard. However, if the situation has become unbearable and you have seeked counselling and done all you can, then you are not doing anyone a favor staying together, especially your children.

The truth is that in a lot of cases, if the couple sticks it out and is miserable, and then divorce when the children are grown, the adult children tend to feel more damage emotionally because they feel the guilt of being the reason their parents stayed together. Children are not stupid and can usually sense when their parents are not happy.

Children need parents who love them and a one parent family that is loving and caring can be more healthy than a dysfunctional two parent family where both partners are just going through the motions of being married.

Answer 3

In most cases I would say it is best to divorce if they are that unhappy. Children can sense when stuff is going on, they hear the arguments and such. That stress is then put on the child. When they parents get divorced it will be hard on the children but it's better than the parents being constantly unhappy and arguing.

Answer 4

Speaking from experience i can tell you .
If you are bringing up a child in a unhappy household, you are creating a monster or a genius. i was a product of an couple who were not happy in marriage they constantly argued loud stupid fight (no violence but a lot of bad talk)
I was lucky to have a first wife that was a very charming person we together had a child and were at that time forced to get married, (many years ago) it was what we did then. in my case i was lucky enough to meet someone who i am now very happy with and have been for the last 20 years, thank goodness today there are many other choices, such as separation and in the case where they cant come to a reasonable conclusion then get a Divorce,
it is not the worst thing for a kid, most successful happy children today come from just this type of relationship. but if you stay together just for the child you are just a couple of fools . it wont get better unless you realy change whatever your problem is, and maybe its just that you never realy loved them in the first place. everyone makes mistakes thats why they have erasers on pencils.

Answer 5

I'm inclined to say divorce. An unhappy home is well, unhappy. As long as both parents can separate their relationship issues from their parenting duties it would be better to separate. Too often the kids get caught in the middle and are used to hurt the ex. But if the parents can avoid this temptation and treat each other with civility and respect the kids won't get in the middle.

Sure, it's not easy for the kids to see one parent more often, and all the stuff that goes with the divorce. But a tense, miserable home life is hard too.

Answer 6

In my experience, it is better to be divorced. Children can read parents, they know when they are unhappy. The children want their parents to be happy. Children also learn from their parents relationship for their future relationships. If they see parents constantly fighting or barely talking to each other, they will think its normal for these things to occur in their relationships.

I am much closer with my parents, as a result of the divorce. my parents are still friends and we spend some holidays all together.

Answer 7

Divorce! Kids should not be raised in an environment full of unhappiness and hostility. It's going to be hard at first on everyone, but as long as the parents make sure the children know that it's not their fault and that both parents still love them, it'll all work out in the end.

Answer 8

Let your kids know exactly whats going on, make sure they see you are trying to work on it, but if it doesn't work, you should divorce. The kids need stable environments, sure a divorce is crazy for a while, and so is the parents dating new people. But if there is war at home, the kids will not adjust well, and no matter how hard you try, the kids will still become pawns between you and your fighting spouse. besides, divorce is not nearly as uncommon as it used to be, there are lots of kids at school etc.. that your kids will be able to associate with others on that level, knowing they're not the only ones going through it.

Answer 9

That's a tough one. My dh and I almost separated this past summer. We talked about what is better, sticking it out for the kids and be unhappy or get on with our lives without each other and we all have to deal with it and make the most of it. Since then we have reconciled and are very happy, but when I think back and if things didn't get better, yes, separate. It is hard on the kids, but I think it's even harder when both parents are miserable and that wears on the kids too, when they can see their parents happy and live in a more happy environment, but then again, it's not healthy either if you separate and use the kids to get at each other, fight every time you have to deal with each other in front of the kids. If you can stay friends and make the most of it, that's the best thing.

Answer 10

Generally its better if the parents remain together for the children until they are in college (or over 18).

Kids need stability and that is generally better provided by two parents instead of one.

However if you and your husband are on such bad terms and fighting so much that it sets a terrible example and is unstable-- divorcing isn't always the worst thing.

AND NO, don't ask the kids. Talk to your husband. Try to work out a plan that is resposive and responsible to the children whether you plan to stay together or not.