My husband's ex has his 13 year old twins all week and every other weekend leaving us with them only 4 days a month (and during some holidays). My husband misses them terribly and has lived with this situation for about 5 years. The kids also get weepy on the phone and when they have to leave us when they visit. We want to have them more often, maybe every weekend or a couple days during the week but we don't want to involve a lawyer because they cost so darn much. We live close enough to them (within 6-7 miles) that schools, friends, cheerleading and football wouldn't have to change. There would be a deduction in her child support which is why I don't think she's willing to go for it. The kids are all she has, no boyfriend or husband so she'll be really lonely without them, which I sympathize for. Since the kids want more time with us, we want to address it. Any great suggestions on how to talk to her about it within this turning into war?
2007-10-01 04:06:29 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why not sit down with her and talk about it like adults? Explain to her that you would love to be able to see them more. If she isn't willing than you have no other option than to speak with an attorney.
2007-10-01 04:20:07 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This just doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Not because you shouldn't have more time with the twins but because it's very likely that your house rules are different from their mother's and that would lead to too much confusion for teenagers.
I think it very likely would lead to trouble for them. They might get the idea that anytime mom, or you tell them some rule they don't like they can just go back to the other parent.
13 is a very difficult age. I don't see that anything good for the twins would come of complicating it farther. They need a stable, constant home environment. Not to be shuttled between two places they just 'visit'. They need a place to call their own.
At 13 kids start getting into the really difficult emotional issues of dealing with peers, male-female (or as the case may be male-male/female-female) relationships and asserting their independence.
All teenagers have a certain amount of angst as they traverse these minefields. Don't think that because they don't need constant 'baby sitting' that they'll be easy to raise. There is a world of difference between having them visit a few times a month and taking care of them 24/7.
I'm not even going to go into how she's put her life on hold to raise those kids while he got married again. I would caution you to really think of what is best for those kids, not just what you and he want.
2007-10-01 04:18:35 · answer #2 · answered by Saphira 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I currently have primary residential care of my son. He spends one night a week and every other weekend with his father. He misses his Dad at times so I encourage both of them to spend more time together. When my ex requests time outside or our legal agreement I never say no. Maybe your husband should just ask for an extra night now and then. Also, kids usually want to spend more time with the non-custodial parent because the time is usually fun time. The custodial parent has to deal with homework, school, chores, etc.
The fact that your husband has lived in this situation for 5 years may work against him if you go to court. He was okay with the arrangement when they were younger and required more care. Now that they can basically take care of themselves he wants to spend more time with them.
My advice - try and settle things informally with the ex. She may welcome a break now and then.
2007-10-01 04:58:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Transitioning children can be upsetting to children regardless. I find your question a little skewed. It sounds as the main issue here is money - ideally, you just want to reduce what he is paying her. Granted, your visitation schedule is very limiting. If you really want more time with the kids, I would suggest you take the kids one night a week for a dinner. You could also attend their extra-curricular sporting events. There is no need to change the support order.
2007-10-01 04:15:28 · answer #4 · answered by Lioness 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Why deduct the child support? Support can't be changed without court. You are going after more visitation, not custody. Do you charge her for extra meals?
If you want more visitation, ask for it. All the left over baggage should be over. Get counseling if it isn't.
2007-10-01 04:20:30 · answer #5 · answered by tysdad62271 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
how about explaining to her that it is had to be a single mom and that if you all could help you would love too. maybe take them to games ,practice and babysitting. maybe they could come over at night so that you all could help with homework. explain that you think that she is a great mom and you respect how hard it is for her and that you all want more time with the kids and it would help lighten her load you'd love to be available for that. let her know you're not doing it to hurt her but to help her.
2007-10-01 10:38:19 · answer #6 · answered by autumnbrookblue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i got sole custody off my boys without a lawyer. they are 14 and 12.. most states allow a child 12 or over decide who they want to live with...
2007-10-01 04:11:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can get advice from a lawyer without having to retain him, this might be most helpful to you.
2007-10-01 04:14:30 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if she's not for it, then you might have to get an attorney. But don't start a war for the kids sake.
2007-10-01 04:13:03 · answer #9 · answered by baylees 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men have almost no rights in these cases. It is assumed that because he is a man that there must be something wrong with him. They are also blind to women using their children to make money.
2007-10-01 04:14:40 · answer #10 · answered by eric l 6 · 1⤊ 4⤋