My bf and I have been together for almost 2.5 years. Personally I feel that it is important to dicsuss about what do we expect for the future. Eg: How many kids , who do the cleaning, shall we hire maids and so on so forth. To me a common understanding and agreement of what to expect is important as I do not want to realise that we are not suitable for each other till too late.. He however always get irritated when these issues are brought up and says that way I am handling things show that I am treating him as an idiot. To him these things need not be discussed and are based on mutual understanding and such discussion only shows distrust. It is just so difficult to talk to him . I dun understand why he sees it that way and I am not sure how to reslove it.
2007-10-01 04:02:50 · 18 answers · asked by happie_julie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
These things do need to be discussed but should not be made an everyday 24x7 discussion. This shows the basic difference between you and your BF, you are detailed oriented and he is not. You like to plan for things and he will work it out as he goes along.
Sure things are based on mutual understanding, but it still requires some discussion to reach a mutual understanding. Do opposites attract analogy true in a relationship? You both are have an opposite nature. Sometimes opposite natures compliment each other. But in the case where both partners are strong headed meaning its my way or the high way, opposite nature can be a total disaster.
2007-10-01 04:22:57 · answer #1 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is important to discuss these things, but if he's getting irritated, there may be something bothering him. Have you been trying to start this conversation for a while? He might be tired of hearing about it.
Take a break from the discussions for a while and just spend some time together getting to know each other. After a while, he'll relax and won't feel like he's being pressured by you and it'll make it easier for him to open up to you. Although you guys have already been together for 2.5 years, there's still a lot to learn about your partner.
So take your time and don't be pushy.
2007-10-01 04:09:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're right to want to discuss this. Sometimes "mutual understanding" turns into assuming, and that really will cause issues in a marriage. You may assume that he should take the trash out because he's the guy, or he may assume that you should do all the laundry because you're the girl. Not saying that's how he or you think, just using them as an example. Little things like that can turn into major problems. Talking about them ahead of time is smart. I hope he comes around and sees where you're coming from.
2007-10-01 04:13:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There important to discuss but he may not be ready to talk about the future. I don't think that these are things that you discuss with every bf you have. These are only things that you discuss with a person that you plan on marrying.
Also, you might just talk about them when they come up in conversations as opposed to a "let's sit down and talk about these important issues" kind of thing. You probably should have the sit down while you are engaged but not now. Just ask him things when you are talking about something similar so it doesn't sound like an interview.
2007-10-01 04:14:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are very wise to want to discuss these issues now before making a lifetime committment to this person. Too many people don't and find out too late that they are not compatible living partners. But if your partner hasn't brought up the possibility of marriage, you may be putting the cart before the horse. Maybe he is avoiding those discussions because he has no intention of getting married. Or it could be that he is of the belief that these issues will work themselves out naturally. I believe he is wrong. But as far as convincing him to see your way of things, I don't have a clue, sorry. Best of luck to you both.
2007-10-01 04:16:52 · answer #5 · answered by meagain 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think not discussing these issues is a reason why so many marriages are not working out. People take things for granted, and when married, they realise things are not the way they thought or expected them to be.
My man is catholic, I am pagan; I want to move to another country, he wants to stay here. The good thing is we are discussing things right now. It is not easy, I find both of us have many sacrifices to make, but it's part of sharing your life with someone.
2007-10-01 04:15:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
These are important things to discuss if you two ever plan on marrying. Maybe that's his way of avoiding the subject...eg. he's not interested in getting married. Or, he could have his own issues...maybe he had an ex nag at him all the time aboaut where's this going, what are we going to do...blah blah blah...who knows. But, you have to reassure him that this isn't about trust and that no one can know for sure if two people are on the same page without discussing it. Living based on assumptions never works.
2007-10-01 04:07:17 · answer #7 · answered by CC 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i would agree with you. you have been together long enough that there are certain things that you should talk about, such as the future and what you personally what in the future. however, you don't really need to worry about things like who will do the cleaning and if you will hire maids until you actually have to worry about those things. if you can't talk to him about things before you are married, you won't be able to after either. might want to think about that.
2007-10-01 04:09:09 · answer #8 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It may not be normal, but that is one reason, among many others for the high divorce rate. You wouldn't go on vacation without discussing where you are going and shouldn't get into a relationship without doing that for the same reason, you will end up somewhere you really do not want to be!!
2007-10-01 04:22:09 · answer #9 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't treating your boyfriend as an idiot, you are trying to figure out if you have similar life plans and goals... these are important elements in a relationship.
Mutual understandings are not in place, unless we talk about them, or unless you are a mind reader.
It is always nice to know if our partner has ambition and goals. it's good to discuss when to think about having children, if we are going to save money, what type of living arrangements we will make, when to buy a house, whether we are slobs or are going to keep our home and yard nice.
If he doesn't want to talk about these things, you'll never know, will you?
Some mysteries aren't worth living.
2007-10-01 04:08:58 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋