My husband works 4 days & off 4 days. I asked for 1 Saturday when he is off for he & my son to help me do the fall clean-up. I wanted help cleaning the house from top to bottom (washing walls, cleaning carpets, etc) plus doing some touch-up painting. I wanted to get this done in October before the holiday & hunting season got here. I never ask for help in the house but since I am also working plus he is the one who smokes (therefore the walls get a little yellow because of it) I didn't think it would be a big deal to take one day a year to help me. How wrong I was! My hubby never helps out - even though I know he has health problems, it seems those problems do not interfer when it comes to hunting or fishing. Plus when he "helps" it is usually working on a 4-wheeler. Am I wrong to ask for help 1 day a year? I cut the grass, take out the trash, trim the trees, do all laundry & housework, cook all the meals, pack his lunch for work each day, etc. Is it asking too much to help me 1 day?
2007-10-01 03:25:25 · 10 answers · asked by Love being a Mom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
4 on/ 4 off - means he may work Monday - Thursday nights but off Friday -Monday then start back to work again on Tuesday night. He works the evening/night shift. They do not base it on 7 days/week.
2007-10-01 03:36:24 · update #1
okay - for those that complain about me on the computer - am I not allowed time to do something other than clean? Actually, overall, the house is clean. I am picky about that to a degree (messy okay, dirt- no way). I am just asking about the normal twice yearly cleaning that alot of people do - washing down walls, touch-up painting, moving out fridge & stove to clean underneath, etc. I am not being selfish because I take time out to spend it on the computer. I have today off because honestly, it was a parent luncheon day for 8th graders at my son's school so I took a personal leave day to have lunch with my son (it is an hour's drive for me to work - two hours on the road each day) so I could not just take a long lunch and go to the school. Why is it wrong for me to sit down at the computer and ask a question? I have already done laundry, dusted & mopped today. Also gathered the last of veggies from the garden and cooked lunch for my husband. He is home today, why can't he help?
2007-10-01 06:29:39 · update #2
Tell him to help you or he will have to go outside to smoke. Standing outside in the cold/rain a few days might change his mindset. Or tell him to just give you one day and you will leave him alone. Usually that is enough to get my husband up off his bottom and moving. It takes the entire household pitching in to keep things clean and tidy. Tell him to give you one day or you will make up a weekly list of things he will be responsible for...or bill him for the time you spend completing your chores. Perhaps one of these ideas will wake him up and make him see all that you do!
2007-10-01 04:24:30 · answer #1 · answered by Really now 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have made it very clear to my family that I do not live alone so I do not clean alone. My husband would never help clean so one day I may a list of daily chores and weekly chres. I listed everything that each person in the house does and wrote it really big and clear and hung it on my wall in the living room. He realized just how much I do every day and was a lot better about taking time out to help after that. Maybe the embarassment of having it out in the open and friends or children questioning exactly why mom does so much and dad just gets to eat will knock him into gear. I have a friend whos husband has that same work schedule at a prison and if he didn't help clean and take care of the kids on his day off she would not make any food or clean but let the house get so bad that he was compelled to clean it alone or with her.
2007-10-01 10:39:58 · answer #2 · answered by MJ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, remember that next time he wants to "get busy" with you. Tell him what you did that day and that you are exhausted, and that maybe if you had actual help, that maybe he would be getting lucky. I can totally relate to you. I do all the housework, take care of the kids and outside duties as well. And when I start to feel overwhelmed, I stop cleaning for a while and that includes his work clothes. I suggest you do the same, especially if he likes a clean house. Maybe he will appreciate you more when he sees what you do for your family. Good luck!
2007-10-01 10:39:06 · answer #3 · answered by metallicachic82 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Nope, not at all. If you are both working then you are both responsible for the household chores.
I don't know how far you are willing to go...but I can certainly tell you one way to find out the character of your husband. Stop doing it....don't do a damn thing for him. You can cook for you and your children or go out to eat, but do not do anything for him. When you wash clothes don't wash his. Don't do any yard work and definitely stop packing his lunch. He'll either step up and realize how much you do or you'll find out that he's a low SOB that isn't worth lint.
I found out the later with my X...good thing too because the thought of spending another 10 years or eternity with that man made me wish for death. I'll never waste my days again cleaning up after a selfish, cold hearted, pig.
2007-10-01 10:35:41 · answer #4 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Definetly not. I don't know what to say, maybe make a list of how much it would cost to hire someone to clean the carpets, someone to paint the walls, someone to trim the trees and mow the lawn, etc, and see how much he can save by just helping one day.
If he still does not want to help, maybe you can work something out with your son, have him help him, but don't make it seem like nasty house chores, but more like a way to spend time together, and make it fun. Play some music, I dunno...
2007-10-01 10:34:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not at all.
I would clean it if he won't help then tell him he can't smoke inside anymore. Why should you have to clean up his smoking mess on top of him and his habit killing you and your kids?
My husband works six days a week- ten hours a day, but if I need him to help me on a Sunday afternoon, he will. Because that's how it works.
2007-10-01 10:34:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hire a housecleaning service and charge it to his credit card. You're already bearing too much of the burden. I think you committed to being a wife and not a slave. Perhaps you should hunt and fish for a new man.
2007-10-01 10:33:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
no, its not. YOU GO GIRL!
also, what do you mean by 4 days and 4 days off, there is only 7 days in a week?
2007-10-01 10:32:05 · answer #8 · answered by ilovelilPhof 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
so you have time to be in the computer crying about an unclean house???? if you have this much time on your hands, then i guess i wouldn't help you either. GET CLEANING WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-10-01 11:06:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
no you are not asking for too much.
2007-10-01 10:29:16 · answer #10 · answered by Teresa 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋