My mind stretches
I wake up
And begin to think
Yes, I recall
Tree-lined streets
Paved with movement
Porches were stoops
Where parents sat
Upon friendly benches
Wrought-iron fences
Surrounded
Pear, Chestnut, and Magnolias
Children in alleys
Of all ages
Playing with imagination
Trips to Coney Island
Fried chicken with pink lemonade
For little faces with big smiles
Small metal scissors
And paper dolls
As hours drifted by
One can always return
To Brooklyn
With saved memories
2007-09-30 22:55:25 · 12 answers · asked by Marguerite 7 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Lots of sensory images going on in here. I really like the "small metal" scissors. It gives the reader the sense of action and motion with the paper dolls....not just the paperdolls themselves... the little people being the creators. Well done. I remember those little metal scissors...exactly how they felt digging into your skin if you tried to cut too many layers of paper in one shot. Thanks for bringing me back.
2007-09-30 23:38:03 · answer #1 · answered by W~~~Dream a Little Dream~~~P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some good images in this poem. "streets paved with movement" is excellent. Watch out for lines like 'children in alleys/of all ages/. I know you mean the children were of 'all ages', but the way it's written it sounds like the 'alleys' were of all ages. Great image in that verse, though. Loved the image of 'small metal scissors' and 'paper dolls'. Great last line. I'd eliminate the first verse.
You definitely have it as far as writing poems. No rhyming (that's been out for years). Line breaks very important and great images.
Keep it up. You might want to submit this somewhere. It is a bit wordy in spots, though. Put it away for a few days, then reread and see if you can make it tighter.
Good luck with this.
2007-10-01 03:44:06 · answer #2 · answered by BlueBayou Canada 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never been to Brooklyn.... Well, only Brooklyn in Los Angeles now known as Cesar E. Chavez... And I swear I felt like I was there. You create such wonderful imagery and it was wonderful.
2007-10-01 09:55:26 · answer #3 · answered by *Veronica* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Memories are a beautiful and you are painting a great picture. I like it. The images are there and you did it without rhyme. Good luck and keep writing.
2007-09-30 23:41:58 · answer #4 · answered by Coop 366 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I loved it! Great detail, right on point with the images. Thank you for my gift of reading your poem this morning; Continue writing, you have talent.
2007-10-01 02:06:10 · answer #5 · answered by Nancy S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am born and raised in Brooklyn and still live here great and beautiful poem excellente thanks for sharing no place like Home I am a Brooklyn girl all the way :))))
2007-10-01 03:35:32 · answer #6 · answered by Rita 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like that. I was in NY once and saw what is portrayed in the media, but, you kind of captured what is always there no matter what and with hope.
2007-09-30 23:14:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
mendacity with intensity? this provides me the thought in step with probability we would desire to constantly heed the calm words of quiet voices greater heavily and notice what we will locate thank you! going to seek for some hushed poetry in diffused colorings
2016-10-10 02:24:25 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good stuff M...you're getting better all the time. Keep it up, best wishes, Jim
2007-10-01 01:21:21 · answer #9 · answered by Superdog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great one! You have a good imagination and memory.
2007-09-30 23:17:08 · answer #10 · answered by Third P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋