Question for mums?

Question

I have a 6 month old son who still wont sleep through the night. Some days when im tired i just cant tolerate him and i so want to hurt him like throw him against the wall. Not that i ever would but its how i feel. Its only when he screams and i just cant fix it for him. My question is, how do you deal with your kids when your tired? or how do you calm down? iv tried going outside for a smoke but it doesnt help much. I find that im fine when ive had a reasonalble nights sleep but i hate the way i am when im tired, i hate the thought that im being a bad mum. Any mums have good things they do when you just need a breather? My husband works split shifts and my family is in New Zealand (im in Australia) so i dont get much of a break and i havnt had a whole night sleep in almost a year. I just dont want to end up hurting him.

Answer 1

Hi

First of all, you are NOT a bad parent. It sounds as though you're going through what I did when my son was young. It might be worth going to your doctor and asking about post natal depression. S/he will give you a questionare to fill out to asses your feelings. If you're not depressed, you may just need to organise some time out. I put my son into day care 1/2 day a week at 4 months and this made a huge difference. You could also join a playgroup as this will put you in contact with other parents in your area. Just talking to someone who is going through the same thing as you can make you feel better. It's horrible to be isolated from your family and support network so see what other groups are in your area. I had no one nearby when my son was little which meant I couldn't even go to the shops for five minutes to get the milk without dragging him along with me. I know what you're going through - remember you are not alone and not a bad mum.

Answer 2

I'm not a mum yet, but I've raised many children. My family is a large extended one and it's everyone's job to tend to children- not just their parents. One of those children; Victor, screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed. He only slept for about 10 minutes at a time. I had to put him in a stroller and walk him around in public to ensure his safety. It worked- I mean he still screamed, but at least I wasn't alone in the house with him. Eventually, I figured out that he was more hungry than other babies and I started feeding him heavy foods early. It worked. That little knucklehead cooed, smiled and SLEPT. Thank God. He was a whole different kid after his belly was finally full. You're not alone. This isn't unusual at all. Some people don't even take care of kids until they have their own and I imagine that could be extremely difficult! Some people don't have their family helping to raise the little ones like mine. You have an extra burden, especially with a husband working split shifts. Sleep deprivation is all consuming. I can't even read very well when I haven't slept. My house stays dirty and I'm just dragging myself around trying to stay awake, but am useless. I know it's difficult to part with your baby, and you'll worry about him, but you need a real break. If you don't want a baby sitter, have your husband regularly take him away for a whole day. Take some sleep aid and relax. Make sure your baby has a bedtime routine, including a nice bath and a hearty feeding. The reason your breathers aren't working is because you're not fully calmed down before he starts screaming again. I'm sorry, I don't have advice for taking a better breather. What you need is a support system, a routine, and sleep.

Answer 3

Seek out a "play group" for you baby. This is as much for you as it is for him. This way you can interact with other mothers going through the same things you are. Sometimes just having someone else familiar with what you're dealing with helps.

If possible, take naps when he does. Also, if you take any form of caffeine...get off it, that will help. Excercise is a WONDERFUL stress reliever, try doing sit ups or get out some free weights during these crying times.

Honestly, I don't know of ANY mother of a 6 month old who gets enough sleep. Sorry, but it's part of the package.

Answer 4

Hi Sweetie,
Mom of three here. OOOOH you are SO NORMAL!!! I am very glad that you shared this with us. Seeking advice and help is the first and best step when you feel out of control. Here in the U.S. we have "anonymous" groups ie. alcoholics anonymous, overeaters anonymous etc. We also have Parents Anonymous. I was a parent leader in my local P.A. group for many years. You have taken the right step by getting this off your chest. You sound like a wonderful, loving parent who would never cross the line to hurting your child, but I know very well how it feels to be sooooo tired and you just want a break!!! I have a 14 month old son and I am alone with him during the day while my husband is at work and my older boys are in school and it sometimes seems overwhelming. Don't feel bad about taking time for yourself. Make sure your little one is in a safe place where he/she cannot get hurt, such as a crib, and take some time for yourself. I go out for a smoke with my cell phone and play a round of "tetris" on my phone. Sometimes I put the little one in his "exersaucer" in and put on my headphones and dance around like a mad woman in my kitchen for 15 minutes or so. I dont believe it hurts them at all to put on some childrens programs on the television to entertain them while I have some mommy time. Of course, if you can... nap when he naps. This is easier said than done, I know, when you are thinking about how much housework you could be getting done while he is asleep, but try. Or else use nap time for you!! Read a book, chat to a friend, dance, do something you love. Have a frank talk with your husband about your need to rest and how sometimes the floor wont get vaccumed. You need to take care of YOU as well as taking care of the baby. If all else fails, e-mail a caring friend (I would be pleased to help you anytime!!) and pour out your frustrations. I believe you can also find help at ParentsAnonymous.org. My heart is with you!!! Love and luck --MissDelanne

Answer 5

Sleep deprevation sucks.The only thing I can think of off the top of my head(awake with baby too)is if you can afford it,get a baby sitter for one or two nights a week for a while so you can get some good sleep.My son is 3 months old and I don't get much sleep either.No relatives here as well.Good luck and be well.

Answer 6

I'm here for you......I do understand how you feel......and it is very important to get decent sleep so that you wouldn't be cranky. There is no magic solution for making your son stop screaming in over night but you can try to let him leave crying in the night time, even you get annoyed by that. By the time he gets to know that screaming and crying doesn't make anything happen in the night time, he probably would eventually stop doing so.....this is how I went through when my son started screaming when I was sleeping.

Answer 7

my sons wouldnt sleep alone at all. i ended up bringing them in our bed. they finally moved out of our bed when they were 3-4. my husband worked nights and i was also home alone, and feeling like you are. so thats why i started putting them in bed with me and finally, they slept through the night. try it. we all felt better when i wasnt crabby anymore.

Answer 8

Salam You speaking appropriate to the flowers or the mothers themselves. Lol mom is a mom and if she has faith besides and follows it in peace and endurance properly all the greater appropriate with bonus amin.