Is it easier to accept a compliment or an insult?

Question

So far, everyone thinks I'm nuts for asking this question. However, there are a lot of people who cannot accept compliments without getting really embarrassed, and some who, because they're used to being insulted can deal with insults better than compliments.

Answer 1

I hate being complimented, and insults roll off me like water from a duck's back. Whenever I receive a compliment my gut reaction is: 'oh, so you think I'm so self-conscious and have such low self-esteem that I need YOU to buck me up?' Fortunately this never reaches my face (anymore) and I manage to behave with a smidgeon of grace, but I still dislike it as a rule. Insults on the other hand I take in stride for the same reason. Like I care what YOU think!

Not everyone is afflicted by this kind of arrogance, and I've been trying literally for twenty years to beat it, but it still won't die. It makes it difficult for me to compliment others because to me, simply accepting someone at face value and demonstrating my accepetance of their competence, intelligence, etc, is as high a compliment as can be. So my very silence I consider a compliment, but others don't see it that way, so I have to come up with (what I see as) insincere flattery to communicate what I really think.

For an example, if someone asks my advice on some matter I don't feel irritated by the intrinsic compliment. However I hate it if somebody prefaces the very same question with 'oh you're so smart and know so much would you mind if I ask you for advice?'

What it comes down to is that I like others to know and appreciate my good qualities, but I hate it when they think I need them to tell me about them so I'll feel good about myself. I don't need to feel any better about myself, but the reverse.

However insults don't bother me because they rarely strike home. Even if they do strike home, I'm already aware of my shortcomings and never get upset when somebody tells the truth (even if it's in an insulting way). When they say something that's not true: who cares? So it's almost impossible to offend me.

So for me, it's definitely easier to accept an insult than a compliment.

Answer 2

Great question and I think I understand exactly where you're coming from.

Insults and compliments are like Yin and Yang. You can't have one without the other even though they may not necessarily come from just one person. Both will be based on another person's [version of the] truth so that's what will be taken away from either. Neither one is likely to change my resolve to keep doing what I'm doing (so long as I feel I'm doing what is right based on information I have up to that point).

However, I would say it's easier to accept an insult. I will accept both equally but a compliment will come with a bit of refusal on my part. My initial reaction is usually that I am not deserving. But two things will change that: 1) the bit of truth in every compliment/insult that i mentioned previously, and 2) the sincerity of the other is what I'm really accepting (not just the compliment). With insults, I would try to see from the other's perspective to see what bit of truth is implied in that insult. The underlying anger that went along with the other person's insult I discard as irrelevant. I do try to see from their perspective though, which is not the same thing as letting their insult "get to me".

In some ancient Asian cultures it was customary for refusing a granted promotion to higher office (the ultimate compliment) three times before accepting lest you seem too anxious and thus undeserving. Although we no longer do the customary refusal, that mindset is still passed down to today's culture.

Answer 3

That's kind of interesting.

I have trouble accepting compliments. It makes me feel embarrassed. This is strange because I do like knowing that someone has noticed or appreciates something I've done, or something about me.

As far as insults go, the most hurtful insults will always come from the most sensitive people. This kind of person may not seem sensitive, in fact they probably seem like a callous, offensive a**hole, but really sensitive people are very good at sizing other people up and discerning their weaknesses.

So if someone is insulting you, and doing a real good job of it, rest assured that that person is extremely aware of their own weaknesses as well.

Answer 4

You're going to think I'm crazy, but I don't really like compliments and don't care much about personal insults. I always think the person complimenting, wants something from me, unless they know me. And those insulting me are trying to get a reaction.

Answer 5

Compliments are great, but to be honest, I have problems accepting them sometimes. I don't always believe what the person is saying...I trust that they believe it, but often I don't see what they see in me, I guess. But over the years I've learned not to outright reject a compliment (which is what I used to do, because of my poor self-image and the fact that compliments made me feel distinctly uncomfortable)- and now I am able to just say "thanks" and leave it at that. I still have problems believing that I have any good attributes that someone else would want to compliment me on, but I realize that to reject a compliment because of my own insecurities can be insulting to the other person. It's like telling them you don't value their opinion or that you think they are being dishonest. (Even though you don't feel that way, it gives them that impression.)

Insults aren't any easier to deal with, for me. I tend to look for the "grain of truth" in an insult, and dwell on it a bit more than maybe I ought to. I'm actually my own worst critic and I'm very sensitive, so if someone says something insulting to me, I tend to take it to heart, at least at first. And, I don't always know how to respond to insults in the heat of the moment. They usually (but not always) render me speechless. By the time I'm able to calm down enough to really think things through, the moment where I can directly and immediately respond has passed. It's awkward (sometimes) to bring up such things later on. I am learning how to discern whether or not it's even worth my time to respond to such things. Sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn't. And I'm trying to overcome the urge to get too defensive (or worse, returning insult for insult which is actually quite immature!) before I've given much thought to what the other person is trying to say. Sometimes I am quick to feel I've been personally insulted when really someone is just trying to simply say that they don't agree with my viewpoint on something. I'm also trying (and this has been my biggest challenge) to learn how to express my viewpoints without coming across as being insulting toward someone else. No one wants to listen to someone who is insulting, demeaning, patronizing, self-righteous, judgmental or condescending.

Answer 6

All depends on your perspective. Your age. Your maturity. I can take a complement and generally know if it is a real complement. Or if it is not real, shine it on. An insult, I can take because if it is a real insult, I probably new that I deserved it. If it was not real, I would laugh and shine it on. I HAVE A LIFE AND learning to expect the unexpected makes life a lot easier. Go with the flow or the punches.

Answer 7

It's easier to accept a compliment and except an insult, given situations where both scenarios are without recourse.

Answer 8

Definitely a compliment! Compliments never hurt... insults can hurt at times.

Answer 9

I find it easier to accept insults, since I always have a scathing comeback prepared. (It's a gift.) Compliments always make me squirm. I like giving them a lot better than I like getting them.

Answer 10

Only recently have I become gracious in accepting compliments.

I've never taken insults, well or otherwise.