what do u think about couples who mainly only stay together becuase they have a child?

Question

do you think it's a time bomb waiting to explode in the longwrong

Answer 1

I think as long as it's working then let them carry on.Theres to many split families out there already.

Answer 2

Really depends on the two people involved. Some couples have attacked the problem by staying together in separate bedrooms and behaving as if they were single. Essentially what they do is find another long term relationship to get into without leaving the house.

I don't think it's healthy to be around someone you don't want to be around, no matter what the relationship is. But if it's not animosity towards each other and simply love lost, I don't see the harm in staying together. Especially if neither is concerned with sex anymore.

If that isn't possible then it's best to cut your losses and just walk away. No point in all of that anger hanging in the air.

Answer 3

When I divorced my first wife, which was inevitable after staying together for 7 years for the kids' sake, we found that we actually damaged the kids more than if we had just divorced 7 years prior. One of my kids ended up in therapy, because, as it turns out, she blamed herself for the divorce. She was 10 when we finally called it quits, and the therapist put it this way- Kids are not dumb. They know something is wrong, and the resent both parents for keeping it a secret. They pick up on the tension that seems to be so thick in the household, that nobody can freely breathe. The children will never confront because they aren't intelligent enough to know the specifics, but they are smart enough to know something is being kept from them. When you finally divorce, all of their emotional little time bombs of betrayal start exploding, and the children end up with behavioral problems. So no, if it is over it is over, and prolonging it, thinking you are making the kids feel better, or making yourself think the kids are more stable, you are actually doing alot more damage.

Answer 4

Yes, I believe it is only a ticking time bomb. If both parties are truly unhappy with absolutely everything in there marriage and they think that staying together will help the child, they need to let go. DON'T stay together for the "child's" sake. In the long run the child will pick up on it and only be hurt worse.

Answer 5

Sorry to say it, but the most selfish thing you can do is stay for the sake of the child. Truly, the only person in your household who is going to feel every negative vibe that creates, is the child. It is not a healthy environment for any of you, but especially for a child. You have to put it into perspective, think if your child was being abused and had a child, but stayed with the abuser for the sake of the child. Come on, common sense tells you, it's not healthy. Good luck

Answer 6

I think that if the couple is willing to stay together for the children, then they should go to marriage councelling. Maybe they won't have a chance at saving the marriage, but they will need to learn how to cope with each other, and they will both have issues that are better discussed with a referee rather than allowed to fester until it makes an unhealthy living environment.

Answer 7

http://www.drlaura.com/main/

Check out the website and if you can listen to her talk show on the radio. She has a great book: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. A real eye opener and may be able to help your relationship. I would say in this day and age that it is very important to give a child a stable and secure home. You choose the partner you are with and should do everything possilbe to make it work. For better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and in health till death do you part. Divorce is just the easy way out these days. Marriage takes a lot of work and a lot of give and take from both. Give it your best and you should get the same in return. Read the book.

Best of luck.

Answer 8

It's crap. Either fix it or move on.

Staying together without working through issues is a bad move on both parties but the most damage occurs to the children.

It's a cop out excuse and one that makes me feel ill for the poor children who inevitably end up at the end of a resentment stick.

Answer 9

the problem with this kind of thinking is ... HAVE YOU ASKED THE KIDS IF THEY AGREE WITH THE DECISIONS YOU ARE TAKING ON BEHALF OF THEM?
if you think the kids don't know, think again
so you are basically burden your problems on some minors when the real issue is money/ social status/ being in a rut/ and generally being dead and buried before your time while at the same time you are playing martyr. excuse me but i don't buy it. my parents did that and i wish they had happy lives apart or together. basically you're insincere to yourself and your kids. it's not a time bomb. it's a slow meltdown. either work it out with your spouse or with yourself or admit the fact it's not working. you're not doing it for the kids. you're doing it for yourself because you're lost. more lost than a kid that you pretend you are protecting. so yes everybody does it. that doesn't mean, you have to do it too. claim your life back and stop burdening kids with such a huge responsibitily when it's the adult's job to figure out his/her life.

Answer 10

Not if they work on their relationship while staying together.

Okay, your marriage sucks, but you've got two kids. Why would anyone who loves their children wreak havoc on their little worlds by getting divorced for their own selfish desires. If you're not feeling very attracted to your spouse, you don't feel understood, whatever.... Go see a marriage counselor and get the tools you need to make your marriage a happy, healthy and rewarding one for you, your spouse and provide the stable and happy family your kids deserve.

I hate those people who feel a sens of entitlement for their lives to be "all personal happiness, all the time," well a happy and healthy relationship takes work and if you're not doing the work, then shame on you. When you became a parent you incurred an obligation to them to provide a stable and happy life for them while they grow up and you have no right to screw that up for them because you don't feel that your marriage is the greatest thing since sliced bread at this particular moment.

What do I think of people who decide to stay married for the sake of the kids? I think they have the right idea and should be congratulated and thanked for helping our society stay strong...hopefully they learned how to make it worth their while and went to marriage counseling.

Answer 11

This is what I think, I think you have a responsiblity as a parent to model to your children what a marriage is supposed to look like, two people who actually care about each other and want to be together. If you can't do that then what are you teaching the children, are you teaching them to settle, or how to stay in an unhappy marriage?