Arranged Marriages: Pros and Cons?

Question

Back in my not-so-wise years (younger than 25), I was appalled at the thought that some families began arranging marriages at birth.
However, with the divorce rate being what it is, and the government spending millions to take care of out of wedlock kids, I've since looked at the practice differently.
I can look at most american females and draw the conclusion that most do not have a clue about which guys to stay away from. If her family was stuck with the burden of raising her kid, shouldn't they have a say in whom she should marry?
How many women (over 25 please) wish that they had listened to their parents?
My personal view is that it should be a two way veto. If she hates her parent's selection, she shouldn't be forced into it. If her parents can't stand the guy who may leave their daughter a divorced single mom, then mom and dad should also have a say.

Answer 1

What about the man's parents? Shouldn't they have a say in all this? Maybe they don't want their son to marry a particular woman. What happens if she leaves him and they end up having to help raise his children. What it sounds like you're saying is that parents should choose which man their daughters should marry but the man is free to marry anybody he wants.

Answer 2

The Nick guy is Indian. I am Indian christian.

I live in India

98% of Indian marriges work out. Happily

They live and take both bad and happy and never want to run away

They work together as a team and a family

They visit each others homes

They love being as a family

They will never divorce or run away from their husbands and wives if the going gets tough

They parents are proud always

They give good examples for their kids

They dont flirt around and if they did before marriage they stay married and loyal.

Women cook clean work out and take care of their family. Super mom types.

Women do not abuse their men

Women give respect

Women wear neat clothes not over exposing.

Women have morals and values

They know the man is the head of the family.

Women take pride in rearing their kids

They dont blame their husbands at all.

There are fights but no thought of divorce....

I am not going to marry someone out of arranged but marry someone my parents APPROVE off and a marriage that LASTS forever.

Answer 3

Without playing games, don’t be available 100% of the time or let your life be an open book. A man that comes on too strong or doesn’t have outside interests will scare a woman away just as much as it would if the circumstances were reversed. Read here https://tr.im/lwUCD

Women don’t want to feel as though they are completely responsible for your happiness and that is what it feels like when the other person has no outside interests. Men who are overeager or jump when the woman says jump are the ones who are more likely to end up in the friend zone. This doesn’t mean that you should play the game of not calling for a few days; it means that you should set healthy boundaries until you both naturally find a spot for the other in your lives.

Answer 4

If the two in an arranged marriage could null or void it there would be basically no point in it would there? If the guy/girl were a good catch the parents would introduce the two and it would all be up to them that isn't exactly an arranged marriage that is just a blind date.

Answer 5

I tend to agree with you about the need for arranged marriages. About the time I reached the age where I was interested in marrying, my parents were going through their own divorce. Interestingly, my mother married my dad because her parents thought he was wonderful, and he says that he fell in love with her from the moment he first saw her when she was 6 years old, and he was 10. She was awfully unhappy until they divorced once I was grown.

I just wish my parents had given me some input. I was raised in a very protected environment, and (as you say) didn't have a clue who to stay away from, what to look for, or what to avoid like the plague. I can't imagine anyone being more poorly prepared for marriage. When I asked, "How will I know the right one?" all they would tell me was, "You'll know." Well, I didn't. I married, divorced, married another (had a child), divorced, married the first one again, divorced. I used the trial and error system, I guess -- mostly trial. My heart couldn't hold out for the process of elimination. ;-) I had my daughter by myself (without the aid of child support) from the time she was 4 months old, but she has grown into a wonderful woman who I am proud to know. My parents did not get "stuck with the burden" of raising my child. I only wish that some kind of arranged marriage had been available to me. Now, 50+, I know much more what issues are not negotiable, about the character of the person I would want to marry, and the red flags to *run* from.

When my daughter was a teenager, she told me that, when she got ready to marry, she thought I should arrange a marriage. Of course, I said, "Of all people, me?! What do you think qualifies me? I couldn't even select a suitable spouse for myself!" Her response was, "But you already know all the mistakes to avoid!" She is 27 years old and single, with no immediate plans to marry -- not anti-marriage, just hasn't met the right person for her.

I also believe that dating, as we know it, is a failed social experiment. It's like comparison shopping. I believe in the concept of courtship, instead. After WWII, when people began to date instead of court potential spouses, divorce rates immediately began to soar. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that there is a direct relationship between dating and divorce.

We need to note, though, that arranging marriages will not solve the problem of out-of-wedlock children.

Also, I think that both the potential husband and wife and both sets of parents should have veto power.

I wish you well in your search for information!

Answer 6

It is an interesting question: a food for a thought... I think, that parents of all children should have a say in reaching the ultimate decision in marriage. For a simple reason that these people without a question have our best interest in heart. They also had much more life experience to be able to see the future of our relationship for what it really is... If I was wise enough to really listen to what my mother had to say about choices I was making at the time, my own life would of been a much easier one.

Answer 7

Over 25, here, who will say has been to Jordan, married a man I barely knew, met him only once; we married four months later; when I brought him back to the states with me and introduced him to my dad, he told me right out that he's the one he would have picked for me. We;ve been married for over 23 yrs. I'm American, he's Syrian. Because of the circumstances of our marriage, far as I know to date I'm just about the only American who married an Arab in a fashion that Arags themselves do; only rarely so, I was being watched closely. People were watching for the bottom of the boat to burst, those that weren't watching interferred like you would not believe. Oh my family never knew that I was even thinking about getting married; they found out when I brought him back to the states.three weeks later. .
A cousin of mine, on the other hand, was told by her dad not to marry the man she'd been dating for quite awhile - she didnpt listen - they slept in separate beds on their wedding night, their 13 yrs of marriage consisted of him paying more attention to his train sets. Somewhere in there they managed to have two kids.
I keep these line of communications open with my daughter and a little bit with my sons; marriage is important; it should be based upon a concrete foundations of love, respect and trust.

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Answer 9

If the woman and her parents have a two-way veto, shouldn't the man and his parents also have a two-way veto? But, of course, arranged marriages are a good idea. If it can keep just one idiot from marrying the first woman that let's him lick puzsy ...

Answer 10

Pro: can eliminate the temptation to fornicate before marriage, as your interaction with the other person before marriage is done under the supervision of parents. all intimacy is saved until after the marriage commitment has been made ideally

Answer 11

I am a Hindu and I had an arranged mariage, I live happily with my wife and son, in India. Our marriage was not arranged at birth. As adults, more than the family members, we ourselves had the say in the matter.

What was "arranged" was that each had a list of possible matches prepared with the help of friends, relatives, news paper classifieds and internet matrimonial sites. With the help of friends and relatives in our case and with the help of private investigation agencies in some cases, assessment of the social, financial and medical status of the matches were made and a shorter list was prepared.

Then I along with a relative or friend for company, started visiting the persons in the list at their home, one by one, and was given about 30 minutes to talk to each other in a room.

I am not kidding and I am serious. This is how the partner was chosen in my case. The opinion of the friends and relatives are also taken in to consideration. Some times horoscopes match is also checked.

PS

I should as well add one interesting case. I used to chat with internet friends in international chartroom of AOL at that time and one particular girl I had visited had very dark gums!. It is not that strange here to have dark gums, but all of my chat friends were concerned about the medical implications this might have and advised me that it may be indication of some disease or genetic disorder! I didn’t take this seriously but the match was not found suitable on other grounds.