How do I deal with my unruly 13 year old?

Question

I have a 13 year old that does not want to listen to reason. I've talked to her, begged with her, pleaded with her and nothing is working. She's negatively influencing her 3 year old sister and I need that to stop. What do I do. She's a compulsive liar and I can't deal with it any more. I don't want to send her away but that's the only thing that's left to do. Please help me with this because I really do love her and want to help her.

My daughter is in counseling and had something tragic happen to her almost a year ago. I've disciplined her all of her life and i've only been having problems with her over the last two years--not 13. She's at a point where she doesn't want to listen to any authoritive figure and I can't have my 3 year old thinking that it's ok to behave that way. If she doesn't want to listen to me what options do I have?

Answer 1

Seems like you got a lot of good responses to this question already. I just wanted to add a couple things. When I was 13 I quickly learned how to manipulate those around me with my attitude and got away with a lot of it.

My mom should of beat the tar out of me! {just kidding - I do not condone abusing kids}.

I also lied about everything even when I did not need to. Doing so was a way I showed I could do what I WANTED! I did get spanked for that and it didn't matter I was stubborn about it. Problem for me became I started to lie all the time and eventually lost all my friends because of it.

Maybe your little girl is just trying to show she is more grown up then you treat her, or at lease more so then you make her feel.

This is the age where we have to switch our parenting technique from being authoritative to being more of a counselor and allow them to make more decisions and to suffer the consequences of them. If she wants to lie fine. Just do not trust her and let her know she is not trusted because she lied so no she can't have the freedom other kids her age have.

So draw the lines in the sand and hold her to them.

Answer 2

First mistake you don't plead and begged to a thirteen year old you are the adult your say goes and if it don't there are consequences and you need to stick very strick to this disiplin isn't always a swat of the bottom but you need to be stern and find out what is bothering her you have to be understanding and strick a hard combination I know I am raising 8 children ranging from 4 to 16 and I deal with alot but I don't deal with disrespect and right down unrulyness I put the law and if they don't listen I will send them where they will teach them how too they know it and that is a fine line you need to draw for her.

Answer 3

Most children act out for one of two reasons. First which doesn't seem to apply to you is that the parents do not pay enough attention to them, the second is parents being too easy on them with discipline. Too many parents try to be-Friend their children and that is not what they need. You need to set definite rules for her, and when she disobeys those rules have consequences for them. But if you threaten a consequence you have to make sure you follow through with it, or they know they have you and can do anything. The worst thing you can do is send your kid away. It a time especially for a young girl where they are the most vulnerable, it could lead to some pretty bad emotional damage. Don't be afraid to have your kids hate you...Most do at that age no matter what you do. Its normal, but they will appreciate you later. Its called tough love.

Answer 4

I think the best thing to do is to talk one on one with your daughter to try and find out what's going on with her. You seem to be a very concerned parent so the problem might be in her personal life out side of home like at school or something. Try to keep he close and keep letting her know that you care and your there for her no matter what the situation is hopefully she will come around she's young enough where I think talking and showing an interest will work.

Answer 5

i think that one of the best things you can do is to keep her closer than u have been. something is missing from this girls life and it's nt your fault, it's the fault of the hormones in her body making her overreact to things. plus, im sure she has found her network of friends that do the same thing she does.
therein lies a huge problem. friends act like eachother and feed off of eachother, and im sorry, i was never a teen girl, but i saw them and they are vicious. if there were a way to eradicate them without dooming humans to extinctions, i would support it, but until then, there are alternatives.
like the boys and girls club of america. your daughter needs to be surrounded by young people she can relate to and in a group that will lead her to better things. the more time she spends in a good environment, the better. she can do homework there, find tutors, join groups, make new friends, and all sorts of things.
i think you should also make her get involved in sports. i know some parents want to make excuses for why their kids do things or can't play sports or whatnot, but by not pushing her to do differnt things, you are allowing her to be mean and disrespectful. this is true because you were once a teen girl and u should try and remember how much guidance you needed to acheive excellence. it didn't come easy, but parenting never is.
involve her in things that are positive and sooner than you know it she will find more reasons to be happy. take her to do volunteer work. u must involve yourself in it as well, to set an example. if you don't make time for it, why would she want to? (it's ok to manipulate them for the better until they are 18 lol)

Answer 6

DON'T WANT TO SOUND MEAN BUT THIS IS A PROBLEM YOU SHOULD HAVE BEN DEALING WITH FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS. IF SHE DON'T LISTEN THEN SHE HAS MOST LIKELY LEARNED OVER THE YEARS THAT SHE DON'T HAVE TO.SENDING HER AWAY WONT HELP IT WILL MAKE THINGS WORSE.THIS IT YOUR KID NOT SOMETHING YOU BOUGHT AT WAL MART YOU CAN RETURN IF IT DON'T DO WHAT YOU WANT. THIS IS GOING TO TAKE A LOT OF LOVE,PATIENTS,WORK,PRAYER,AND LUCK.MIGHT WANT TO TALK TO A PRO. AND THE 3 YEAR OLD,START NOW DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES AGAIN,A LITTLE DISCIPLINE WONT KILL YOUR KID'S REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE LIBERALS SAY

Answer 7

nicely, i began out smoking at that age and nonetheless do at 26 (even however I truly have decrease some time past). i became caught some situations yet no longer probable punished as the two my father and mom smoked. he's seeing it as ok using fact that's the norm in his abode. consistent with possibility your son and your companion ought to arise with some type of settlement with a reward after a undeniable volume of time no longer smoking. Or, do in simple terms it the old school way, make him smoke an entire %. in one sitting.

Answer 8

i think you should both sit down and have a serious talk. Tell her that you both are only going to talk and no arguing will be made.

ask her questions like does she love you and does she respect you
and ask her what does she want to do with her life when she grows up, what does she plan to do
show her how much she needs you in the future, and she shouldn't break up your relationship with her because of her lying

Answer 9

she is your responsibility. sending her away is not an option.. unless.. she is mentally ill and needs expert care. other than that... you get her through this teen stage.. that hundreds of others have gone through before her. this is a rough age. . you stay on her.. like white on rice.. you keep telling her how much you love her..and will not lose her... and will not take any mess. that she is going to straighten up period. the three of you need to be joined at the hip... good luck.

Answer 10

I like steves answer.............but would like to add that a devoloping drug problem may be in the mix.......... 13 is a tough age..... work hard ....harder that you even think you can......you will make it and in the end you will still be friends and mother/daughter.