My love and I called it quit two months ago. We have been in loved for three years. We have never have sex. I want to be a virgin bride. He said he will wait for me. We separted last year because I moved to other states. He convinced he will wait for us to be together.
Recently, I found out my love had sex with his friend---the girl looks a lot like me. She seems to like my boyfriend a lot, he claims he does not love her. He said, he loves me!
I was so heart broken. I just didn't know what to expect. Sometimes. I blame myself for not giving the love he need. Sometimes, I blame my boyfriend. Sometimes, I blame the girl.
What do you think of this situation. Thank you very much.
2007-09-30 14:07:30 · 25 answers · asked by Hope 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why are you taking the blame for something "he" did? It is not your fault in any way, shape, or form so please do not feel guilty over this. He could have told her no, walked away and waited for the two of you. Is it hard to do that? Yes. Is it the honorable thing to do if he loved you? Yes. But he didn't.
I know many will disagree with me but if he had really loved you, he would never have gotten himself into a situation where he would have been tempted to do this. Why is it years ago people were able to control themselves but today, everyone acts like animals out of control? Because they made choices years ago, just like they do today. No self-discipline or self-control today and, no self-respect IMHO.
We cannot control what others do. They have a choice just like you and I do. My husband and I both chose to wait until we were married and we were quite a bit older when we married so we had more years of temptation in there. Neither of us regretted waiting on each other.
Please do not second guess your values. If this is right for you, I applaud you for taking a stand and remaining a virgin, something that is rare today.
God be with you as you heal from the pain of what has happened but this is in no way your fault. Let the anger go and move on. He said he loved you and made a vow to you, not the other girl. She probably doesn't even know about you. The blame is his and his alone.
2007-09-30 14:25:42 · answer #1 · answered by KittyKat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a deep respect for anyone who stands by their values. In today's world what you are trying to keep sacred is incredible and you should be very proud of yourself. Your bf had a choice to make and he made the wrong one and i can't imagine the pain you are going through, it is natural for you to want to find blame in the situation. He was wrong, so was she if she knew he was with you and I am guessing she did because they were friends. Nothing I can say will make the pain any less, you just have to ride it out and it will hurt less in time. He doesn't respect you or your values - you were upfront with him, told him from the beginning that you wanted to wait and three yrs is a long time to be with someone - he promised to respect that and he didn't in the most hurtful way he could...why couldn't he respect you enough to resist the temptation? If he was the kind of man worthy of the gift you could give him, he would be worth the tears and pain sweetie...but he's not. YOU have NO blame in this...he just wasn't the right guy. I don't know that I have any advice for you for the future...I would say to try and find a man who was a virgin, but depending on your age the older you get the creepier the male virgins tend to be...lol...Just don't give in sweetie, the right guy is out there, one who will respect and love you more for keeping yourself untainted. Best wishes.
2007-09-30 14:57:00 · answer #2 · answered by Big Red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did nothing wrong with not having sex with him. He should have waited if he loved you. He just let temptation take over. She is just easy and gave it up. They are both to blame if she knew your situation. Move on and find a guy that will wait for you because trust me he's out there somewhere.
2007-09-30 14:27:52 · answer #3 · answered by Mark and Allie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend has needs and even if you wanted to be a virgin bride, he obviously needed to have sex. He didnt push you into anything you were not ready for and I think that shows respect. Instead of pushing you he probably thought it would be better to get sex from someone else. Men are different to women, especially when they are younger....their hormones dictate their head sometimes. Don't blame yourself...you have every right to wait to have sex until after you are married. Your boyfriend claims he still loves you, he still wants to wait for you....but he has more needs than you. Men can have sex with a woman without love involved. Maybe just talk to him. Ask him does he still want to marry you. If he does, then maybe its time to make plans to get married. Only talking with him honestly and allowing him to be honest will give you your answer.
2007-09-30 14:18:04 · answer #4 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's your boyfriends fault, he was the one who cheated. Don't feel bad about being a virgin, you deserve a medal for your self control. He said he would wait. I guess he didn't think you were waiting for after all. What excuse will he use if you get married? Some men will wait!
2007-09-30 14:16:39 · answer #5 · answered by moonchild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your boyfriend did not want to wait. You can't blame the girl. I'm sure she does not know all about you and if she did, I am certain she would not appreciate being your stand in.
2007-09-30 14:43:09 · answer #6 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he told you he'd wait he knew what u wanted from the beginning he told u he would wait then he gets it from someone else u shouldn't give up on what u believe in to make someone else happy. my option is blame both of them he waz leading u on a she knew u too were together the didn't care he said he don't love her he loves you then why couldn't he respect you and wait to have sex till you were ready or be a man a tell you he didn't wanna wait don't blame yourself be proud you don't hear that someone wants to wait for sex it nice to hear there is still people out there who respects themselves
2007-09-30 14:22:43 · answer #7 · answered by alishia g 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't blame yourself, there is really nothing you can do. If you really love him stay with him and if he loves you or says he does trust him. Guys just tend to become really wierd and all they do is think about girls so he might just be waiting for you and doesn't know what else to do
2007-09-30 14:11:27 · answer #8 · answered by Kammie54 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is all on your boyfriend! if he said he would wait for you, he should have meant it. i understand how he probably wanted the love from you but couldnt have it, but that gives him no reason to have it with another girl. betrayal is hard on everyone. don't blame yourself. you already made it clear that you wanted to wait. if he really couldnt wait for the sex, he should have told you. he said he would wait for you, but apparantly he didn't. i'd leave him and find someone more deserving of you.
=] good luck.
2007-09-30 14:16:37 · answer #9 · answered by Carley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to blame the boy 95% and the girl 5% and don't blame yourself at all!! personally, i think any girl who knowingly hooks up with another girl's guy is a piece of trash, and she should treat other girls better. but ultimately, it's your boyfriend that make the mistake. long distance relationships are hard....but if he can't be away from you without cheating...he's no good. he may feel very badly about this...and you may or may not forgive him. but you aren't married, you don't have to forgive him.
the worst thing you could do is blame yourself, or sleep with him. you need to feel good about YOU, you don't have any regrets and you should feel good about that.
2007-09-30 14:12:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋