because we found out i was prego so his parents kinda pressured "us" to get married so the baby wouldnt be born out of wedlock. anyways so we got married about a month after finding out about the baby. at this point he was still cought in partying and doing his own thing. i knew he liked to drink alot and smoke weed. and use cocaine .which i really hate. so i told him he needed to quit doing drugs or i'd leave so he said ok. but little did i know that he was hiding it everywhere in our apt so i wouldnt find it. which i found like 3 times and each time left for a short period of time . i'm so fed up with it i'm going crazy. but i dont want 2 leave beacuse i want him to be a father 2 my son and i dont want my son 2 be part of a broken family. also he swears up and down that ever since my son has been born he NO longer uses cocaine. but i cant trust him so i accuse him. and then we end up fighting and its just getting old. i dont know what to do please help with ur opinons
2007-09-30 11:58:03 · 19 answers · asked by SSALAZAR 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For the sake of you and your child you need to cut this mess loose and make a life for you and your child. I know what you want and why you want it but honey it ain't gonna happen with this man. The birth of his child and the start of a new life should have been enough to make him want to get and stay clean but it didn't and I doubt anything else is going to make him change. the choice is yours, get out now and have a chance at a good life for your and your child or stay with this guy and try to live in a dream world that will never be a reality.
2007-09-30 12:05:28 · answer #1 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
As a child who grew up with a father who drank and did pot all the time (even though he thought he was good at hiding it, he wasn't) this is just a bad situation all the way around. If you stay, not only is your child going to sense, and sometimes witness the hostility between the two of you over the issue, there is also a possibility of him/her finding the drugs accidently and taking them (knowingly or not) your child could over dose, and even die.
Personally, I think that my parents would have been happier apart than together while I was growing up. They stayed together specifically for the kids and it honestly wasn't any better than it would have been apart.
You have a major choice, choose and stick to it. A home with your husband, where no one is happy (including the kid since he/she will know you are not), there is drug use, and a possibly usafe environment. Or, a home of your own probably happier home, where you could ask for only supervised visits with your ex for the kid (only if you are truly afraid he isn't responsible enough to keep the drugs away while with his kid).
You could always leave and let him know that if he goes through rehab you'll consider coming back (only if he is completely clean, including pot), but in my experience, those that are into those things rarely give them up for anyone, including their kids.
2007-09-30 19:09:47 · answer #2 · answered by Happy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well do you love him? Then work with him and explain that it is a bad influence for the baby. Tell him it hurts you when he lies and that you really want him to be a part of the baby's life. Don't accuse him if he says he isn't doing it. Part of being married is trusting. Tell him you believe him and that you're proud that he is stopping for the baby. Get him more involved with your child, and spend lots of time together. Fighting and telling him off will only make him want to do it more. Being positive will be good for him and you. If you find some get rid of it and explain what would happen if the baby got hold of it.
2007-09-30 19:05:13 · answer #3 · answered by Flames Girl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him to submit to a drug test...in fact several and all without any warning. If he pops positive even ONE time, leave and never look back.
While I can understand your desire to keep the family together, drug use and addiction is NOT a healthy family environment, and if your "husband" is this irresponsible now while you're pregnant, what makes you think he'll be a good role model for your kid as he's growing up.
Wake up and smell the coffee. Unless he gets rehab and WANTS to be a mature adult, he's going to continue to do this. And if you continue to come back, that just tells him (without ever saying a word) that you accept this BS and he can do whatever he wants.
2007-09-30 19:03:00 · answer #4 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, I'm sorry about your situation. Using cocaine really makes him a looser. It's been very hard for you. If he uses drugs and still party around, he has frustrations. He lied to you about drugs several times, that's really bad. Try to do something for a change. Love him more! Hwne he's drunk or high on something, don't piss him off. Dress well, make yourself pretty and please him. It seems hard but it's much better this way. There's a chance that he'll like you and your situation that he will change his ways and love you more in return. Patience, humility, sacrifice.
I hope this helps.
2007-09-30 19:06:27 · answer #5 · answered by Nevwe 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I totally understand! Growing up in a broken home is far worse than growing up with an alcoholic drug abusing dad that likes to hide drugs in your home and your parents are always fighting. Seriously how much damage are you trying to inflict on your child?
2007-09-30 19:05:47 · answer #6 · answered by Mark and Allie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Some times its best to get a divorce in a situation like that. Do u want ur son to grow up around the things he does? Do u want him to see u fight or hear u fight? My parents got divorced when i was 12 it was the best thing for us. No one was happy.
2007-09-30 19:01:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have a rough time. I believe the best but the hardest is Tough Love. You need to get the police involved before the kids get into it by accident. Or talk to his family and see if they can help him get help. Another that helped me was a friend stopped drugs and he befriended me. It was hard but it worked.
2007-09-30 19:14:34 · answer #8 · answered by DEBBIE P 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you want your son to find his father's drugs and have something bad happen to him?
If not then I suggest you leave, no point in having a bad father around to teach your son bad habits like lying and being deceitful.
2007-09-30 19:01:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
yourr first mistake was in having sex out of wedlock. the second was marrying the guy. he is obviously a loser and the sooner you shed him the better off you'll be. since your parents pressured you so your child wouldn't be illegitimate maybe they would be willing to lend a hand or try some of the agency's designed for this purpose.
2007-09-30 19:05:28 · answer #10 · answered by Loren S 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋