Ok here's the deal....I have been with this man for five years, we have been married for three....we have a little boy who is almost two...Ok...he has been so wonderful to both me and our son until recently....I mean, ofcourse we have our share of fights and problems like every normal couple but nothing like this...
He has this friend who is single and has no kids...who also has more single, childless friends.....he has been going out to clubs with him every friday night, which is fine with me....but now its becoming more than once a week...(like 5 times) and he stays out all night and when I call him he says things like "I'll come home when I get home and thats it" then he turns off his phone.....and everytime he is with this guy he comes home with another fight to pick with me...telling me how he doesnt love me like he used to.....but when this guy is not around for a few days, he loves me and wants to make it work.....What did I do and how do I deal with this?
2007-09-30 10:14:20 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
1. You let him know that it is his choice whether he wants to be married or not, and that if he doesn't want to, the door is that way. If he plans to be married and build a life with you, then he needs to act like it and get his priorities straight.
2. He has zero business going out with single guys and staying out all night and you know it. He won't mind when you do it right?
3. Are you married or not? If yes, then what does he need that he is not getting?
4. Do not get pregnant again. Get a babysitter and go find his stupid butt.
5. Make plans with him for you two to date and have some fun.
6. Again, he either steps up or steps out. Stop tolerating the stupidity.
7. Fighting is out. Solution finding and negotiating so both wins is in.
8. Respect yourself and don't tolerate him acting like you are some stranger. You are the love of his life. He needs to get his head back on, get in the game, and start spending all this free time with his family if he wants to keep it. Otherwise, pack his crap and tell him to go stay with single boyfriend--you don't need to be somebody's babysitter, mother, maid, or policewoman. It is his job to fix whatever he is unhappy with in his life. He is just being mean to you to justify his stupid, selfish behavior that he knows is wrong. Don't put up with it.
Realize that nothing he does is your fault. These are choices his making and blaming on you like a rebellious teen. Do not try to control him. If he chooses to continue on like he is, then you must choose what you will tolerate from the man who swore to be your best friend for life.
2007-09-30 10:22:26 · answer #1 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is one of those situations I hear about all the time when counseling younger couples. This is one of many reasons I always advise that married people should be friends with other married people. Single friends can be a bad influence as you're seeing now.
Look, your husband does love you and what's happening is that he's getting a little taste of what it's like to be single again. Doesn't make it right, but it's true. When he says he doesn't love you like he used to, he's thinking of being in a club with his friends versus being at home with you and the kid watching television. I've been married for 4 years and I can tell you that even I think about the good ol' days when I was a bachelor. But I love my wife more than that life and I think your husband does too.
My advice to you would be to sit him down and explain to him that this has gotta stop. The mixed messages, the single friends, the whole bit. And have this talk with him when he's not around his friends so you can get an honest to goodness commitment from him. Because when he goes back on his word, and he will, you can call him on it. Then when he gets home (whatever time that may be), you can have a REAL talk with him to find out how he REALLY feels.
Good luck with this. If the two of you really love eachother (and it sounds like you do), this will be a relatively easy problem to get over so long as the BOTH of you are involved.
2007-09-30 10:24:46 · answer #2 · answered by Eddie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is he going through a mid life crisis? I agree with M M, if he's like this now, I can't imagine what will happen when he does get to that point. There is a lot of suffering at home with these type of men.
Are you still young? If I was in your situation, I would explain to him what is bothering me so much. If he still continues to do what he keeps doing...I would then turn a cold shoulder and just find another man to be with while he goes out playing single with his single friends. Once I find a man who has a good job, respectable, and wants children, and get's along . that will be when I'd make a run for it and give your husband the divorce papers.
2007-09-30 10:30:35 · answer #3 · answered by mishmallow8 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is nothing you have done. You can always ask him why his attitude changes when he's with this friend, but only when he is on his more loving side. Or you could confront the friend, because if this friend is going to be so bold as to convince your husband to stay out all night, then he will probably just tell you upfront what is going on.
I think he does want to make it work, but he probably misses single life. Every one of us guys goes through it, and eventually something will happen that will make or break him.
2007-09-30 10:29:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I used to be engaged while I used to be 24 and married while I used to be 26 Our marriage ceremony colours had been a light peach and chocolate brown We every had our brothers as witnesses (two complete), it used to be an excessively small marriage ceremony (14 individuals had been there adding us and our reverend) Our reception used to be held a month after our marriage ceremony, and we didn't have assigned seating, such a lot individuals did not sit down, it used to be a cocktail get together We had a small chocolate cake after which a style of cakes for individuals to opt for, I feel there have been five special offerings We went to Maui for 2 weeks We acquired married in Gleneden Beach, OR, a tiny the city at the coast, simply external of Lincoln City
2016-09-05 12:42:43 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hire a sitter & go to that club a little while after the guys go there. Hide out & don't be noticed. Chances are, he is cheating on you at the club. Catch him if you can. You have to make him stop this going out to the club thing. Forgive him. Get some marriage counceling, if need be. He needs to be there for you. Make some married couple friends. They will hopefully be a better influence on you.
2007-09-30 10:32:03 · answer #6 · answered by mrsdebra1966 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Something is certainly holding his interest apart from home. I would demand he is dedicated to your marriage or it's over.
I'm a christian so I say get into a church of your choice and work among those people who could be supportive and caring towards you and your family.
People now days are making sex a God and leaving God out completely and that, in time usually caves in like building our life on the sand and not a rock.
2007-09-30 11:57:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't forget that you got married cus you love him...You just need to sit him down and tell him that hes a grow man now and he has responsibilities to take care of going out 5 days a week and staying out all nite isn't except able!!! If he doesn't change then you need to get out before you end up getting hurt because obviously he doesn't care about your feelings!!!
2007-09-30 10:31:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this guy enjoys his single life more than his married one and family,then maybe the time has come to give it back to him. File for divorce on grounds of alienation of affections and sue him for everything you and your son are legally entitled to and then see just how much he loves being single again
2007-09-30 10:30:40 · answer #9 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You haven't done anything he has obviously made a bad choice in choosing friends to hang with. Tell him to grow up he's a married man with family not young, free and single.
2007-09-30 10:18:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋