Do you like my poem?

Question

When the sun sets far into the ocean-and
The night brings back loneliness
I THINK OF U.
The moon shines in the endless sky-and
The stars shiver in the distance they whisper-and
I THINK OF U.
When the rain drop bends the petals-and
Slips down kissing them
I THINK OF U.
In the morning when the dew drops rest on the leaves making them feel warm and content
I THINK OF U.
When the cool breeze touches me every second
I THINK OF U.
And-miss your touch, your kiss and most of all i miss you.
I'm waiting for u to come out of my dreams and enter in my life

Answer 1

I liked it. I didn't mind your repeats at all, 'cause I've done that a couple times in my poetry. Even in 1 I wrote for my 1st love. Although a couple of suggestions, if I may?

I would leave out, "...they whisper...", when you say, "The stars shiver in the distance..." 'Cause it might sound kinda pretty or whatever, but it really doesn't seem to work. There's another time 'n place for that line. Unless you added, 'As' to the beginning of "The moon..." Then I feel that would work.

Plus, I didn't really like that last line. "...waiting for you to come out of my dreams and enter my life." That actually makes it sound incomplete. But without it it sounds fine.

Also, you do need to actually spell the words... People see immaturity and armatures when they see short-hand like that.

Luck.

Answer 2

I really like it! Don't care about those booohhs from people who just don't understand what you were trying to express in this poem. I've written some poems that also contain repetitions, and that's the beauty of it! Depending on the context it's ok if you repeat a phrase.
Keep up the good work! :) You are very romantic bytheway :D
That's great.

Answer 3

I like the context of your message and the beauty of the imagery but you should never shorten words ina poem, that's like an insult to the language your using, a solid b!

Answer 4

It is very immature I am not sure of your age. The "I THINK OF U" makes me think you must be young. So for a beginner I will not be to harsh. It is OK I do, however, think it needs some work. Don't give up though you do have a good idea of the basics.

Answer 5

I'd love to hear it in a song.
Wish I was a music artist.

Not bad, in fact. Not bad.

He's a dream....
that seemed so real....

ah. dream on, girl. (and me). smile smile

Answer 6

I think this is the best way to express the feeling for some one which is very special......

Answer 7

Yes I guess it is good some say i'm from the hood. But If you thing that I am, say it again turn around and watch me as I ran.

IDK I am bored srry, but yes it is good.

Answer 8

I'm sorry, but I don't really care for it.
The abbreviation of the word "you" and the excessive repetition of "I think of you" turned me off.

Answer 9

Twilight told you pretty good, listen to her and give her a BEST ANSWER. Her answer deserves no less.

Answer 10

Its real good, I like it, but its very repetetive. Add a bit more emotion and less "I think of u" and your good. good luck =]