We frequently enjoy their company for 3 hours at dinner (their home, ours or at a restaurant.) We think that "familiarity breeds contempt." and that after too much togetherness we'd get fed up with eachother. We want to keep their friendship so we don't want to accept their invitation.
How do we refuse without offending them?
Should we tell them the truth about our too much togetherness philosophy, or make up an excuse?
If you answer "excuse," What kind of excuse would be good?
2007-09-30 08:18:28 · 21 answers · asked by greenwillowtrie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell them it sounds wonder but you just can't manage 4 days -- could you possibly come for just 2 days (a single night)? If you want to maintain friendships with people, you sometimes you do things you'd rather not just to please your friends. If you need solitude, you can always excuse yourself, go to your room and close the door for a few hours.
Maybe I'm overly suspicious, but I think there is more here than you mention in your question, perhaps some compelling personal habit that you'd rather your friends didn't become aware of.
2007-09-30 12:11:43 · answer #1 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid that in YOUR case familiarity would breed contempt since you obviously are an unfriendly couple and can't be gracious in accepting an invitation. Don't be so crass as to make up an exucse, tell them the truth. That your friendship can only be used for a few hours at dinner and then you want nothing to do with them and end it there.
2007-09-30 23:12:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you make up an excuse, you're lying. Lying breeds more lying is my philosophy. I don't think 4 days is an overload of time you'd be spending with them. And you said their invitation was kind. It's not like you're going to be in each other's faces the whole 4 days. What are you so worried about 4 days? Don't have the grace or social talent to keep it together for that long? Maybe they should worry you'd bore the pants off of them; sorry, just being honest...
2007-09-30 15:32:03 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Miss Keir 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Simply tell them, thank you for the invite but we must decline. right now is just not a good time. You don't need an elaborate explanation. if they push you further, just tell them you are both busy doing some other things you have put off; maybe another time would be better. They should understand and still remain freinds with you. I really don't see why spending a weekend with friends at the beach would ruin your friendship; but as you feel so, best to wait until you really want to go.
2007-09-30 15:28:39 · answer #4 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have already decided on a self-fulfilling prophecy that you will be "fed up with each other" then I would just decline and tell them of your very rigid and unyielding "philosophy".
You could tell them the truth and I think it should go something like this:
"We like to keep people at a certain distance. You on the other hand seem to want to cultivate a closer friendship. We like to keep rigid boundaries because we aren't as emotionally healthy as you two. We put a limit on being with you of 3 hours. We choose to keep it to that time limit."
Really rather pathetic cold fish, IMO. I'm sure if they know the truth . . . and they will in time ... it will dawn on them and the dinner invitations by them will become less frequent.
2007-09-30 15:37:21 · answer #5 · answered by Meg 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Excuses wont work because they will just keep trying to invite you. As of now the friendship is over because you find them to be boring after a short period of time whereas they think youre fun enough to be around longer than just dinner. When they realize you arent interested in anything more than a few hours they wont be getting together with you anymore.
So just tell the truth, they will realize it eventually anyway.
2007-09-30 15:23:38 · answer #6 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be honest and tell them your concerns about it in a nice way and see if you can still go but not spend all the time together. Maybe a few evenings apart. I am sure they will understand and they might feel the same way. We went on vacation with another couple and talked about everything before we left to understand where each of us was coming from. We did things together and we did things apart too.
2007-09-30 19:20:42 · answer #7 · answered by Dance 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want to go then don't go tell them anything you like but be prepared to lose them as semi friends.Not to many people would turn down an invite like that,are you kidding me a weekend at a beach condo rent free wow. It's your choice but i think if you were to go the two of you would have a good time.
2007-09-30 15:43:14 · answer #8 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make up an xcuse but a believable excuse. say that you cannot get the time off work, you cannot get a babysitter for the kids.
OR maybe you could go for a day or two and that way you have still taken them up on their offer but not stayed for as long as they want and therefore not spending too much time together.
2007-09-30 15:22:50 · answer #9 · answered by Caz 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't have to explain your philosophy to people at the risk to offend them unnecessarily.
Just that you can't accept, but thank you very much for the invitation.
You shouldn't impose your philosophy on people.
2007-09-30 16:04:02 · answer #10 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋