contemplating divorce ladies only please!?

Question

I've been married now for 2 years. Fot the past year things have really gone down hill in a hurry. It all started when my wife got a total hysterectomy, she hasn't been the same since. Yes she takes replacement hormones but nothing seems too help her moodiness and insensetiveness. Its like she doesn't give a dam about me or anything else. and too be honest I'm sick and tired of it. if u know what i mean! Things that get on my nerves range fron not bathing too leaving things lying around on the floor for weeks. yes we have talked about all this many times! i dont even think she loves me anymore as I have too pull those words out of her. Please ladies give me some advise!! thanks

Answer 1

I think your wife may be suffering with depression, possibly caused by the hysterectomy - the sudden realisation that she cannot have kids. Whether or not a woman choses to have a family, taking that option away is soul destroying. When you are depressed, nothing seems worthwhile.....washing....cleaning etc. Please get her some help.....you must still love her or you wouldnt be asking for help from total strangers? Good luck.

Answer 2

Having a hysterectomy is a huge thing for any woman to go through. She no longer sees herself as a whole woman and can't understand how you could either. She is pushing you away because of that. She is depressed and doesn't know how to handle it right now. She needs to see her doctor and let the Dr. know that the replacement hormones are not working for her. She also needs to see a counselor for her depression. The both of you also need to see a counselor to work through this. If she can get her hormones on an even keel then that will be half the battle. If you reassure her that you love her and that she has not changed physically in your eyes then that too will help. Don't give up yet, she is sick and needs your help to see that so that she can get better. If you have exhausted all of your available resources and it still doesn't work for the 2 of you then and only then would I consider divorce.

Answer 3

She needs to get some professional help not saying it it in a bad way but having that done is a very major thing and would be an emotional rollercoaster for anyone. try to get her into some kind of therapy go with her if she will let you because she needs all the support she can get she probably feels likes she is nothing now that she can't have kids and you always take it out on the one you love the most even when you try not to. So try to get some help and if that dont work you know that you did all you could to help her so it wouldn't make you a bad person if you left it's not like you just gave up you tried

Answer 4

Sounds like she is suffering from depression. You should encourage her to talk with her doctor, to me it sounds as if she doesn't feel like she is fit as a woman since the hysterectomy, some women get that way and all the hormones in the world aren't going to help her. She needs your understanding and willingness to help her, go with her to the doctor to disucss the problems or YOU can be just as insensetive as she is and walk away...what was that you said about HER loving YOU?

Answer 5

Not unusual. Even though you may not have wanted more or any children, the loss of the ability to have a child is a major loss to a woman.
Even if she has never had children it's a major life change and many women feel they no longer have a "purpose" in life.

Meaninglessness or loss of purpose is a major cause of depression in women and men both. Your wife requires counseling and perhaps some medication until she works through this period of her life and appropriates new meaning for herself.

I would talk with her and be upfront with her about your feelings especially how you are feeling about the marriage. It would be helpful if you sought some counseling just for yourself. You sound quite distraught.

Answer 6

I have to agree, sounds like she's in a deep depression. Having the hysterectomy may have been the onset of this as my depression was always centered around my hormones, ie childbirth and hormonal birth control.
HRT is not a cake walk and am sure it's driving her insane.
I do agree,this should be brought up with her dr and ask for a referral to mental health to help her out of this.
Dont give up because if it's true depression, she will deffinately need you!!

Answer 7

Your wife is suffering from severe depression and really needs some professional help as well as your support and understanding. I think she probably still loves you but doesn't love herself very much at the moment. When I had a hysterectomy I went through an intense grieving process because it meant my choices of motherhood were taken away from me, and it also interfered with my sense of femininity. Show her the letter you have written here, maybe, and she will know you still care enough to want to fix it.

Answer 8

Hormones can be a terrible thing to deal with, so I get what your wife is going through. However, this is not an excuse for her to make you miserable and destroy your marriage. Stop talking to her about anything except the bottom line: Things change, or we're getting a divorce. Take your pick.

If she says she wants things to change, take her to see a different doctor for medical help and then take her to see a counselor. You'll probably go to the counselor too, but she should go first because I think she's having trouble dealing with her hysterectomy.

If she says she's not changing anything, file for divorce. She might then decide to make some changes, but if she doesn't, be prepared to get a divorce.

I've struggled with hormones issues for years, and my marriage has survived and thrived. It takes work, but so does anything worth having.

Answer 9

wow.. that is tough. I have been there though. I know how she is feeling and my husband can totally relate to you. It is like part of your brain is missing at times. Sounds like her self-esteem has taken a beating and she needs someone to reaffirm that she is still a woman. I had to get on anti-depressants but the best thing that ever happened to my attitude is friends that I made after I became a christian. The women helped me so much and my husband too. I don't know your faith, I am just saying if you can find loving responsible adults with good marriages to surround yourself with and friends for the both of you it helps. In the mean time, she needs to care about something and you cannot force her to do so, she has to find the will within herself. You need to try and build her up and if you love her (truly) it will still be tough but something you should be willing to do. Don't give up on her - she needs someone to believe in her right now. Good Luck!

Answer 10

the most important thing is LOVE so, that is the first thing you have to be clear. if you still love each other there is always a solution when there is love in a relation ship all can be fixed so, first talk to your wife and if you both find out you love each other fight for you relation ship, get counseling or professional help there must be a way to fix hormones problems but a problem like this could be work out just if there is love between you both so if you love her be more patient and try to understand her it has to be so hard as a woman to have to deal with that kind of thing and you need your husband's support to get through something like this ,so , Do you really love her? and Does she? Go and fight!!!.........now, if you find you don't love each other anymore try to get over it in the best way for you and for her. good luck I wish the best for you and remember when you got married you promised each other to be together in good and bad times I think it is time to do fulfill that promise. and remember she expect you to support her if you don't do it ....who will?