would you forgive?

Question

A friend of mine came to stay with me the other day because she ended her relationship with her live in bf after she found a girl's phone number in his wallet. when she asked him about it, he denied it and when she laid down the proof, he got mad at her for snooping and she decided to leave him because of his lying. he keeps calling her and coming by my home trying to win her back. its my understanding that he hasnt done anything with that girl, and my friend believs him as well but the lying is what is ticking her off. anyways, my other lady friend (seeing how he begged and apologized) told her to give this man another chance, but to just watch out for herself by starting to do the same thing as he was doing (going out with other men and stuff). i say that is trouble waiting to happen, and i suggested that she either take him back and let him prove his loyality to her, or just end it if she cant seem to trust him any longer. what would you do, and would be ur suggestion to her?

the whole reason why i am posting here is because, my lady friend who suggested that she goes accepting other men's invitation for dinner, movies, or other emotional support says and truly believs that it can do some good to their relationship than harm. she says that because the girl will have someone else on the back burner, she wont be as nit-picky with the things that her current bf is doing. She says that she does it (she been with her man for 2 years almost) and so do other friends of ours who jumped up and admitted that even though she doesnt have an affair, they too have someone (maybe an ex, or someone that is interestd in them) that they keep in touch with, while my girl (whose bf messed up) doesn't play games like that. to me though, this is wrong. i mean, who has time to play games but then again, maybe it is necessarily in order to have a happy/healthy relationship, i dunno.

Answer 1

I'd throw everybody out. All of their dramatic **** would get on my nerves.

Answer 2

Playing games like the ones your friend suggested is wrong, IMO. I can look at my fiance and know I have been 100% faithful to him from the day we've met. If she cannot trust this man, what's the point of any relationship? Move on to someone totally new. If he explained the phone number to my satisfaction, I'd probably take him back, but for me, once the spell is broken, the relationship cannot be as great as it was. By that, I mean when you start with someone, you believe they'd never hurt you, you feel wonderful and protected, etc. but then they do something that hurts you, and that spell that they were the greatest guy in the world is broken...and why was she snooping in his wallet? That was also wrong. It sounds like she didn't trust him from the start anyway.

Answer 3

I would give him one more chance. Although people say that once someone strays, they will always stray, I don't believe that to be very true. I myself was a "cheater" at one point, and I just don't do it anymore and I don't agree with it any longer. She should go back to him and they should come to an understanding that if it happens again, it will be over. She needs to ask him why he felt compelled to get someone else's number. Does he think something is missing from the relationship? Him getting a number, but not doing anything with the girl could be a sign that the relationship lacks excitement. They both need to work on that. It's true that she'll probably have a very difficult time trusting him from now on, but as long as they both listen to each other's points of view and become completely honest with one another, the relationship will stand a chance.

Answer 4

Well, you are right about what you said "if she can't seem to trust him". Trust is a very, very big thing in a relationship. Of course people can only suggest ideas for your friend, since she has the say so and final word as what she should do. Most people I have met deserve a second chance. But he needs to come clean on the girls phone number being in his wallet no matter if your friend was snooping or not. There is no room or tolerance for such behavior. He needs to be loyal and needs to win her trust back if she decides to keep him.

Answer 5

In advice to the girl that found the #, it was messed up that he lied but what guy doesn't lie.If she just can't accept that then 4get him , but is she willing to risk the relationship that she has had with him over this?!? It is obvious he loves her and only her or else he would have not even bothered to try to get her back. It really up to if she is willing to forget....and i am not saying forget you will never be able to do that. And regarding your other friend I would never do that how would she feel f her man had a female that he always keeped in touch with. She wouldn't like that ....believe me no female would. That is wrong when you're in a relationship with a person your in it with that person......period

Answer 6

She can go out with him and not move back in yet to see how things go starting over. she should perhaps go out with other guys if she sees someone she wants to get to know better and keep them all as just friends at this point until she feels she is with the one, whether the bf or someone new, that she can trust. The idea of taking him back and still going out with others can only lead to more problems so forget that, and the person who suggested it as well for that matter.

Answer 7

Am sure he lied to her because he knew it would upset her, but it back-fired on him and now she has lost trust in him. If the two really care about each other, why not try again. She will be going into it with her eyes wide open and time will tell if he is a constant liar or if this was just one incident that he regrets. He must earn back her trust and that takes time. It is up to her to decide if she is willing to put the effort and patience into it all.

Answer 8

i'm not saying he was cheating or not but i figure if nothing happened between him and the other female then why did he have her number...why would he lie about the situation when confronted only to get mad because his girlfriend your friend found evidence in his wallet?? now he's begging and apologizing for something that he says he did not do (cheat).

i would have to say that it sounds a little too suspicious to me. if he lied about that and nothing happend between this girl and himself then what else has he lied about?? i agree that maybe she should not have gone through his wallet but sometimes that little voice ( a women's intuition) will tell you something is not right then you end up i guess kind of snooping through your significant others things to find evidence to ease your mind sometimes you find something (things you may not like) and sometimes you find nothing at all and are at ease with that.

in the end it is her decision...bottom line he should have not lied to her about something that he says was nothing but i do not agree with taking him back only to do the same wrong he did to her.
i agree with you when you say that is asking for trouble. a relationship that has deceit and tit for tat (getting back at each other for things) going on is really not a good and should be let go.

**good luck to your friend***

Answer 9

If a relationship is without mutual trust, is not a healthy relationship at all. If she cannot even forgive and give him the least benefit of a doubt he deserves, then there's no point clinging on to it. Many expect perfection out of a relationship but very scarcely willing to forgive. It's normal to get jealous but it's very sad that anger and jealousy are both relatively venomous to a relationship. The choice is always up to her.

Answer 10

I'd forgive, because forgiveness is actually only the cessation of feeling angry. Harboring anger does damage. However...

I wouldn't get back together with a person who lied to me. I'm not interested in spending my life with someone who I know has fooled me and will most likely do it again. She should take some time to herself, examine what she learned from the relationship and when she dates again apply what she's learned.

Answer 11

Been there..no seriously same exact thing... I forgave and am still with him and it took me a while to get over it but he never gave me a reason to doubt him again. It just depends on the guy.