does it get your attention and is it good for the "attention getter"?
While the spouse is away, you use cheating as a form of pleasure. 2 spouses plus 1, that will never work! This person isn’t yours what are you doing! Ha ha you just got caught any last words? I told you not to do it, now you gotta get through it.
2007-09-30 07:57:38 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
its based on adultery,but ur not suspose to get into too much details yet
2007-09-30 08:02:50 · update #1
While the spouse is away, you use cheating as a form of pleasure. 2 spouses plus 1, that will never work! This person isn’t yours! What are you doing! You just got caught any last words? I told you not to do it, now you gotta get through it.
i changed a tiny it of it
2007-09-30 08:04:33 · update #2
yes it is good paragraph to catch attention
2007-09-30 08:00:49 · answer #1 · answered by Mag 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
"While the spouse is away, you use cheating as a form of pleasure. Two spouses plus one--that will never work! This person isn’t yours. What are you doing? Ha ha you just got caught! Any last words? I told you not to do it, now you gotta get through it."
Well, this [above] is a possibility of something like a "revised version" of your paragraph. I think that depending on whether or not this is a formal writing piece, this could be all right. I mean, I think people would definitely be interested in this, so it's not too bad of a start in my opinion (=
2007-09-30 15:04:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on the type of essay you are writing.
The opening sequence while good has more of a lyrical nature, you seem to be writing in first person while most essays are based on fact and so forth, not as a narrative, but yes it is good.
2007-09-30 15:03:06 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, It does grab your attention but doesn't make much sense to me. Just a bunch of random sentences thrown together. I really am not trying to be mean. It could use a bit of sprucing up.
2007-09-30 15:02:01 · answer #4 · answered by Patty M 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
umm that gets my attention a bit, meaning I'm wondering what will come next, but it is confusing, you need to use correct grammar and punctuation. Is this for school or anything?
2007-09-30 15:01:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, not much of an attention grabber. Maybe if it was more clear what was going on and if it used more descritive words.
2007-09-30 15:02:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No..and you're sentences aren't correct. For example:
"This person isn’t yours what are you doing!"
That's 2 frkin different sentences.
2007-09-30 15:01:32 · answer #7 · answered by Top Contributor 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds complicated so I have to be honest (you did ask) no it doesnt get my attention, its too complex and my mind cant grasp it, -could be me though, I have a University Degree but not a PHD.
2007-09-30 15:01:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If this is for a formal essay, it's written way too casually.
2007-09-30 15:00:28 · answer #9 · answered by Christina 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
its pretty good...but you might not want to write ha ha in an essay...and you're not supposed to use first person in an essay either
2007-09-30 15:01:01 · answer #10 · answered by ✰EEYORE✰ 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋