Any advice about love and relationships from married couples?

Question

I was watching this couple on TV who have been married for 25 years - they were dating for 4 years before they were married. They were giving a younger couple advice about it and some of things they said touched me:

- the husband said in order to love someone, you have to love yourself and you have to LOVE and accept the partner's "negative/weak" qualities FIRST before loving the "positive/strengths" so then you will love the person more. He said girls will be moody sometimes and he learned to love and accept it and vice versa

- Always stay positive, never give up on yourself and on your partner - DON'T LISTEN TO WHAT OTHERS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOU TWO "who cares?" - even when there are problems, (financially, situational, etc...) always stay strong and say, "it's okay, everything's going to be okay.."
- THINGS change, PEOPLE change but when the two of you can grow as individuals (do your own thing) but still be there for each other, it's a good thing (CAN SOMEONE ADD ON MORE TO THIS, I'd love to learn more)

WHAT DO YOU THINK? TRUE? CAN YOU GUYS ADD MORE? I APPRECIATE ALL THE WISDOM :)

Answer 1

We've been happily married 37 years, and I guarantee you, some of the key elements of a successful relationship - married or otherwise - are:

1) A long list of common interests; things you both enjoy doing TOGETHER as opposed to separate interests and separate groups of friends.

2) A lot of tolerance for each other's differences. As much as you share in common, you're still going to rub one another wrong from time to time. Be mature and deal with it. Separate the small $h!t from the serious stuff.

3) A sense of compromise; so that you can work out your problems with a minimum of emotional trauma. It's marital negotiation.

4) A sense of sympathy and forgiveness. You're both going to screw up on occasion. You need to be able to forgive, forget, and move on with the relationship.

Answer 2

Well I am going to totally disagree with nasreen up there. What ever show you were watching, had a very smart writer. The things that you have mentioned seem for the most part as fundamentally correct. I have been married for 16 years and if I didn't know better, I would never believe that it has been that long. I have a very strong and good marriage and I credit it to the fact that we are completely honest with each other at all times and have complete faith in one and others ability to stay focused on our marriage without temptations. A very good marriage is NOT something that just happens. As with anything worthwhile, it must be worked for. Being considerate towards the other and keeping in mind feelings involved during certain times is also a factor. Meaning that before I personally will do something, I will think about how my wife would feel about it first. Example: I had been looking at this car (I'm a collector) for some time and almost bought it one day. When I started thinking just how she would feel about it. I then went home and discussed it with her. She didn't feel that it was the right time. So I passed and you know what? She was diagnosed with something that I'll not mention here and the money was needed elsewhere. So she was right. This is what is known as working on a marriage.

Answer 3

Now you know why this couple has been married for 25 years -- it is great advice. Going into a relationship expecting the other person to make you happy or make you feel good about yourself is always a mistake. This is something another person cannot do, and it's unfair to expect it from someone. As far as staying married, every marriage goes through hard times, just like life does, and you have to not only be committed, but realize that your husband/wife is your greatest asset in life. Try to keep a sense of humor, and be realistic about your expectations. You won't always see eye-to-eye, so don't expect it or you will be very disappointed. My husband and I have our own interests and our own friendships outside of our marriage, but spending time together and pursuing mutual hobbies/activities comes before anyone or anything else. Marriage is not 50/50. This is a huge myth. Sometimes it will be 90/10, sometimes 60/40, and in the really bad times, 0/100. Hang in there. Don't insult your spouse or be sarcastic or rude to them. You wouldn't treat your friends that way! Never, ever talk badly about your spouse to anyone. This is a big mistake, and you will pay dearly for it one day. Don't go into debt. If you want to be happily married, draw a line around the two of you and don't let anything or anyone cross it. If someone or something does try to cross that boundary -- and it will happen, believe me -- ferociously and vigorously defend it. Don't fight over every little thing. Pick and choose your battles. And lastly, don't take everything so seriously -- have fun!

Answer 4

Any good marriage is based on many pillars of mutual support. Things like trust, and trustworthiness, fidelity, compassion, dedication to the emotional well being of your spouse, sometimes even above your own. It is seeing each other in each others eyes at 60, 80, 90 and saying "cool, that's great, I want that for us." Any good marriage has some kind of function built into it to keep it fresh, and vital. Regular date nights, vacations, trust in each other to try new things, and trust in each other to go on if a new thing doesn't work out. Any good marriage has two people in it that took the time to learn each others wants and needs before they got married. They learned to like as well as love each other before they said I do. A good marriage is two best friends living their friendship together. Any good marriage has two people in it who have learned to support each other regardless if the times are good, or bad. Any good marriage has two people in it who talk to each other constantly. They have learned to resolve their differences together, and not fight or hold grudges. People in good marriages stil have time to do their own thing. Their spouse is not their jailer. They have just developed the trust for each other that even if one or the other is off on their own activity, they'll be home soon enough, and nobody's going to be hurt in the mean time.
Marriage is for those who have the ability to give of themselves to another without feeling jealous, or left out. It's 24/7/365 of loving, laughing and supporting each other for life.

Answer 5

What you wrote is true somewhat, I was engaged for five years married for 30, he messed up big time, now getting a divorce. Was 20 when I married, to young and dumb to listen to others that I was making a big mistake here,.. oh well live and learn....even my parents said do not marry him,... I did it any ways, I should have listened to my parents.

Answer 6

nasreen - What are you talking about? I am on here when I'm home alone or the kids are napping and I have finished my chores. I also come up here while I am doing school work as a break.

I agree with what was siad on the TV show.

Answer 7

This board tends to be more for ranting, but what you've said is absolutely true.

Answer 8

if the couples in here had a GOOD marriage,,and Good life.
You think they would be here?
they would be like cuddling ,,advising each other, having fun with wifey or hubby.......
planning 4 vacations, n stuff.

i don't think this is good place to ask for advice.
ppl come here to vent

Answer 9

alittle deep for here. it's true all of it.