Am I overreacting? Am I ungrateful?

Question

My husband and I have 2 or 3 days off a month 2gether. I just really want to spend time with him.On Friday, we did a couple of things and he gave me my birthday gift. He got me an expensive purse. It was nice but I prefer 2 pay our bills before spending like that. I have told him that the best part of his gifts are the cards,as I can read what he is unable to say.Saturday was my actual birthday and I had to work. His job asked him to come in for a bit and he agreed.He said he would be back by 12. I told him I was looking forward 2 spending at least 30 min 2gether on my birthday.He didn't come home until I had left for work.He then went to his buddy's house and played video games for 9 hrs. He text me 1 time to say sorry for going in to work.This really hurt me.He was 2 busy playing games to go get a card.He said I was an ungrateful B*****. He mentioned burning my purse and a divorce.He always threatens that when he's mad. I feel like I am not a priority. His stuff added 2 my bad day

I never told him that I would rather have a card than the purse. I have always said that the card is best. He picks out thoughtful ones. He is not good at communicating emotions, so i feel the cards say what he cannot. I just asked for one day to be put first. He voluntarily went in for something he wasn't getting paid for. He didn't call or text me all day and night but once. We also have 2 drug stores within a mile of our home. He got up and left today. He has also complained about gifts I have given him. He has said that I haven't given him enough for his birthday. He spends lavishly and I am more practical with money. I feel like just once I would have liked to be his 1st priority.

Also, the money for the purse came out of our joint savings account. He has his own account and he did not use his money, he used our money. This isn't about the purse.

Answer 1

Sounds like your husband needs to grow up. Being able to pay the bills before buying gifts is the grown up thing to do also. I think he sounds incredibly selfish as well. Although I do agree with going in to work, playing video games for 9 hours afterwards is ridiculas. He needs to grow up!!! If he doesnt grow up like real quick tell him you will take him up on his offer of divorce next time.

Answer 2

You are not overreacting and you are not ungrateful. Your husband is being incredibly insensitive to your feelings. It sounds like you two don't spend enough time together and that you don't have any mutual interests. Every marriage goes through ups and downs, and this can be worked out. Calling you names and insulting you, threatening to burn your stuff and threatening to divorce you are not acceptable under any circumstances, and this tells me that your husband is immature. You two need to learn how to argue fairly. Also, good marriages take time and they need time. It sounds like yours is dying from neglect.

Regarding the purse, I'm guessing that your husband spent a lot of time and thought picking it out, and I think he was really hurt that you didn't notice that. In the future, when he or anyone else gives you a gift, remember that the only appropriate response is "Thank you." Telling him not to spend the money and just get you a card was rude, insenstive and insulting, kind of like the way he's treating you. You can work this out. Hang in there.

Answer 3

Lady in blue it seems that you should be a women of authority the only thing that bothered me about your husband was the he called you a ungrateful beatch.. A man that truly loves you and respects you wouldn't say this to you.


And one other thing it seems to me your confusing him by saying you rather have the bills paid then the purse then turn around and get hurt for not having a birthday card!

That tells him that the fact that he thought about what to get you, what you would like or deserve didn't matter to you. He went out of his way to get something nice and for a man this is hard enough.

Answer 4

No you are not over reacting or ungrateful. He is an awful husband, very selfish and self centered. Turn the tables on him, don't be mean just become distant and unconcerned. Don't call after him, don't look for him, hardly even notice when he comes home. Find something else to do. Don't be home when he finally decides to wonder in.

He is too sure about you, put some mystery into the mix.

Answer 5

You married an extremely childish man. But I think that you suspect this already. Ungrateful for what? His ability to play video games? Overreacting? No, as you have every right to expect some intimacy from a husband. Especially on a birthday.

Answer 6

I can understand how you feel. My hubby often works 10+ hours a day sometimes, weeks on end (he's in the navy). I'm home with my business, household responsibilities, and the kids. I cherish our quiet times that we get. your birthday should have been alot more important then going to the buddies house for "game" time. For him to even mention divorce as a retaliatory remark, next time he says it.. you say OK.. go ahead, I'm tired of the threats. Because honey, you deserve much better treatment then to be chastised for wanting to spend time with the one person you love most in the world. I had a worthless waste of skin do that alot.. and I took him up on it.. Ive NEVER regretted kicking his worthless bag of bones to the curb.

Answer 7

Geez... Did we marry the same guy here??? Cause I swear.. Your husband sounds JUST LIKE MINE!
I fully understand what you are going through and I can tell you that things don't get any better from my experience. I have learn to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself, agree with everything he says and does and just be "Here" for him. LOLOLOLOLOL I'm saying all this to tell you. DO NOT END UP LIKE ME. Find whatever it is that you need to either, Resolve the marriage before you lose yourself, or make him see the error of his ways.
I'm told counseling helps, however it was an insult to my husband as he had better things to do than talk to someone else about our marital problems. Perhaps a pastor, trusted family friend or family member. But whatever you do.. PLEASE seek some help..

Answer 8

I don't think that you are overreacting or being ungrateful. I do think your husband is a butt-head and doesn't appreciate or deserve what he has. You should both be each others main priority in life. Isn't that why we all get married? To be with our spouse? I know that's why my wife and I are together. (smile) Things will get better or you will find a decent husband someday.

Answer 9

No you are not being ungrateful at all! He is! Sounds like my husband. He gets me a gift (sometimes) and then leaves to spend time with his friends without me when all I really want is him. He also threatens me with divorce and kicking me out and calls me an ungrateful ***** all the time.

Answer 10

No i do not think you are ungratful.you are looking out for the best intrest with wanting to pay the bills first.If he is so unthoughtfull to go play games with his buddies,then maby you would be better off with out him.a simple card takes 5min.he could take that much time from his games.he sounds to be a lose and not any good for you.