Would you like to share the why and your experiences?
2007-09-30 07:06:10 · 9 answers · asked by sage seeker 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
I DO understand! I had to do so with my mom who for many years was unnecessarily mean-spirited and later with my youngest daughter....reasons left unsaid as she learned and is now doing so well...and yes, it is not easy! But I learned that loving someone sometimes means having to love them from afar.
2007-09-30 07:34:08 · update #1
yes,with my youngest sister.the whole family did.it worked.
later,with my own son.that was the hardest of all,but necessary.
It has taken me a lot of years to learn a hard lesson.You can love somebody all you want,but you can't fix them...and if you're trying to,it's easy to actually make things worse.
I know some folks are gonna read this wrong- that's okay, unless you've been there, it's hard to understand.
2007-09-30 07:23:14 · answer #1 · answered by min 4 · 9⤊ 0⤋
So many times,I lost count. the last time was when my 32 year old daughter showed up at our front door obviously high on something . After she rang our doorbell and pounded down the door, my husband answered. He's afraid she will break a window or kick in the door. They are really strong when on drugs. She just wanted to sleep, so I sent her on her way ,in the pouring rain. They do this ,then eat all the food in the fridge ,then argue that it's all our fault so they can leave again and start the nightmare all over again. We found out her birth mother was exactly the same and subsequently died of HIV. She seems committed to cleaning up this time , as all other times. She says she wants us to see her get her life back on track before it is too late......... You did ask and I thank you for it . It's rather cathartic getting it out of my system . We have been desensitized emotionally after 10 years of this but we really are ok.
2007-09-30 21:49:41 · answer #2 · answered by Donna 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had to convince my husband that he should not give many of his family money. One of his daughters was on drugs and would call him and ask for money. She would only call when she needed money. He thought that he was helping her out. I told him that he was helping her buy drugs. He stopped giving her money and she stopped calling. Now I think she has been through rehab many times, has lost custody of all of her children, but, she has started to turn her life around for the better. Now she will call occasionally, but just to say hello.
I have also told my children that if they ever get arrested for a crime, don't call me because I will not bail you out! Do the crime, pay the time! They have never been arrested!
2007-10-01 00:57:03 · answer #3 · answered by noonecanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We used to think that we should be our children's friend, then you realize that that doesn't work .The it becomes obvious that you need to practice tough love, for the child's sake, to give the the skills to later cope in life and to keep from screwing up. My oldest son was my challenge, put us through he-l for a while.
I understand completely because it is so hard to do
2007-09-30 15:10:59 · answer #4 · answered by slk29406 6 · 8⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I have, Sage. My middle son was giving me a lot of problems. He borrowed my car one day and was to pick me up from work. He arrived 15 minutes late, wearing only a bathing trunk in a hospital administration wing, drunk as a skunk. I drove him straight to the Police Station and had him put in custody to the psychiatric ward. He thanked me later. Long and complicated story. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. It was simply the last straw. I saved his life.
2007-09-30 16:55:09 · answer #5 · answered by makeitright 6 · 8⤊ 0⤋
Yup! To some friends & my sister who is older & into the hard drink.
It's not easy & it sometimes doesn't work out the way you wish but sometimes it just has to be done.
A footnote: I have had tough love used on me too. It's a real eye opener.
2007-09-30 15:25:57 · answer #6 · answered by dragon 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Thanks for asking this question. Your timing is perfect. My Mother's behavior kept me awake most of the night. Amazing how the brain talks to you when you would rather continue doing nothing about the situation. Actually I think it's God telling me to _______! He's tired of me ignoring the situation. Then my 29 year old son is on his way to my house, with his dog! He wants to start a new life! Son has not been an easy child!!! Thanks to everyone who answered the question, it's very helpful.
2007-09-30 17:05:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
If you call it tough love to say "No" to any more "loans" to middle-aged offspring, then the answer is YES.
I think this is self-explanatory. It's high time they learned to live within their means, since I can no longer live within my means when I enable them with financial assistance.
2007-09-30 14:23:25 · answer #8 · answered by felines 5 · 10⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, with my mom!!LOL!!! She causes friction between me and my 3 sisters so she can be the hub. So, right now I have her on ice!!!
2007-09-30 14:22:02 · answer #9 · answered by ndnquah 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋