Do you think women that get divorced and never held gainful employment have a harder time adjusting?

Question

adjusting to life?

**I beong to an organization that places displaced homemakeers in part time positions for local charities and public offices88 These women are paid minimum wage ,we referral them for wardrobe and also provide training. They must be low income and over 55

Answer 1

Yes,
without a doubt,
because they are brain-washed
by their fathers & husbands.
And they have been
believing that lie
all of their lives.

Answer 2

Yes a women over 55 who hasn't had paid employment would have a hard time adjusting. They think of themselves as wife, mother, grandmother, caregiver and perhaps volunteer. Divorce pulls the rug out from under them and usually they don't see it coming. After a husband of 25-30 rejects you for a younger women or just rejects you it has to hurt. Trying to land a job and told you need recent experience and recent education time after time and you are competing for jobs with 18 year old and losing your self esteem has to be low.
I was lucky divorced at 35 already had a job and I was the decider but it was still hard. At least I had supportive parents.
An older women with maybe no parents and kids who aren't doing great so can't count on them may have to start with nothing. Too young for SS and too old to land a job to pay the rent.

Answer 3

I'm not really sure which would be worse, because I always worked, from the time I was 16 until I turned 62.

My stepdaughter lost her job during her second pregnancy, and her husband is disabled. The younger child is almost five, and she is still unable to find employment. We'd like to believe that this is because she lives in a small, sprawling, rural town, and not for any lack of ambition.

For the kind people who offer advice on where they can find assistance, it isn't available. He gets Social Security and she and the children get a monthly stipend. Social Services believes that is an adequate amount to feed and shelter four people and provide medications for his disability and his pain and to provide health care for her and the children.

I realize this is somewhat distant from your question, but this woman was once gainfully employed in a responsible job, and I believe that, after five years, she has lost her confidence to go out and work.

Answer 4

YES! I saw this happen to a lot of women,and it's demoralizing to "lose your place" in life and have to rethink who and what you are. At the local community college back home, they had a program for women in this situation. It was called "crossroads"and it was not quite a month of intensive work empowering these displaced homemakers, a lot of whom possessed very marketable skills, but no clue how to get going...and often smarting from a bad divorce, or abandonment. I think these programs are more common now than back then. If you know a woman in this situation I strongly recommend this kind of program.

Answer 5

Yes, sadly it is tough for them, but here in Australia, there are great organisations that do help these ladies gain skills to get them back into the workplace. As GW says, there is so much they have to learn about, as spending time with children at home is a full time job. You don't get much time for anything else. And if your husband has managed all the financial affairs it is even harder. With help and encouragement, these ladies can go out there and compete with the best of them. And if one comes across your path (they do in the Drug Rehab I work with), give them all the help you can. What a joy it is to see someone go out there and succeed. But it takes time and effort and people must be prepared to give it.

Answer 6

Yes - in a way. It is always most difficult to enter the workforce when one has never done so before. However, many women do perservere and shine!

As to adjusting to life after divorce. It seems most difficult for those women who never had a 'say-so' in their marriages and left all major decisions up to their husbands. For them, day to day living can be most troublesome and emotionally draining as they were but 'reflections' of their spouses.

On the plus side is that for once in their lives they then have the opportunity to discover just who they are - their talents, dreams, whims, proclivities and abilities! That can be invigorating!

Answer 7

Yes, many have not only never worked, but never managed the finances, checkbook, bills, etc. My mom always worked, but she still had a hard time making it after her divorce. Later she was disabled and has had to adjust to a totally different life than she had when she was married.

I've also seen widows have a hard time adjusting after their husbands were gone, for the same reasons.

Answer 8

I know a widow that could benefit from working part time or
full time. Where could she find such an organization in the
lower part of Washington State? She's taught herself to use
a computer and she has done office work for her late hus-
bands business.
This sort of business would be in demand everywhere I
can think of.

Answer 9

Probably not so difficult, IF (huge IF) money is not an issue. If they have to go out for the first time, get a job, and pay bills...boy are they in for a big suprise....I'll bet that their quality of life goes down a few notches...I'm thinking that this will not be a whole lot of fun....

Answer 10

Yes.....have to add a major bow to Goldwing.

My parents taught me to be an independant woman. Alone....a single person and the skills to survive as a single person. Not a single parent....things change....especially when you are expected to be mom and dad, emotionally, financially and all the rest.

Thank you so very much for not allowing me to be a parent and Mother.....Thank you for denying me the 1 thing I wanted to do!!!!!
Coz I was still trying to prove I was WOMAN enough.

Now I got foreign women 40 yrs my Jr. tell me I'm not sexy enough? Please.....I read all the books...did all the performing....but now I'm too old....ya. I wanna a pic of you babe when you are my age.


I was sort of raised between that place. I went from women asking permission to work...to being solely responsible for themselves to being responsible for a family in a very short time.

My dad used to joke around saying I was the perfect woman to back a guy and he should have hired me out to do that. I cannot tell you the times my dad would say....men don't do that if they are men.....I would say open your eyes dad....they do and they did....he then would say....well Decent men don't.....but dad...they do....Before my dad died he appologised to me. How often does that happen? Men don't walk away from their wives....ok...atleast not away from their children...he was floored when he died just as I am.......you just don't do that!!!! But...they do and however it works out....people have tried. I know women have been seen as mindless twits who ate bon-bons and charged their husbands to credit h@@l. Problem is....I wasn't one who did that. My dad gave me a dime at every date saying to call him if I needed help. Then "dutch treat" came to play where I had to pay my own way in a date. Then it was do your best unless it hurts the male ego.....did that. I was taught if it came to you or your husband.....husband ruled. Fine....did that.....he took off with Monica his 30 yr Jr. and I was left holding the bag. At the end....when it was too much to expect a guy to work.....my dad said he hoped like hell it was the end times.......before he died....to my present husbands face.....he told him he never saw such a freeloading looser in his life. He was a disgrace to men and hoped like hell he would get his dues.

As a divorced women....I tried to disrupt the idea that ALL women were just out for the buck. All white people don't own slaves...all independant women aren't man haters. I gave hands down that sometimes fathers are the best parent.....to what? Every GD dicision I made was wrong.

Ya.....hard time adjusting...YES. Give me a rule book that lasts from one quarter to the next and we can talk.

You just don't change everything each and every quarter and expect people not to be upset. You don't change the rules mid-stream and not expect a problem. I did it...I abided by the rules. I overcame my deamons and personal problems......now where are we? White women don't know how to ****....that's why there are more hispanic babies. Welcome Muslim women where they are covered from head to toe. NOW MOTHERHOOD is good? MAN RULE is good? Hey....thank you for
screwing up my life mid-stream....

Answer 11

The really hard part would be countless rejections, wouldn't it be? It seems the job market is drying up quickly here. But with training and perserverance, I think, in the long run, it could be viewed as an adventure. We have, here, a charity called "working wardrobes" ... stop to think about it..how many married women, wanting to return to a work force, have the clothes it takes to even get the job, let alone work the job? And these are the women who need jobs the most...abused women escaping from a marriage of torture....no one is going to consider them if they are not dressed decently! So here, we collect money and fine clothing. We put it on racks and, after training periods for these women (they are taught to interview well, taught job skills, helped financially if necessary....someone has to step in and help here, for these ladies are really stuck in life...) they are offered X amount of clothing, alterations are done in house ... all free. Then each woman is guided through the processes of getting a job. She is then on her own once she lands a paying job.
I know this is far beyond what you wanted as an answer, but few of us realize what women must endure who have been housewives their adult life. Suddenly to be cast out on her own, she can easily be overwhelmed, underdressed, and lost! What a horrible place to be! I contribute to homeless shelters for these ladies and their children, have been involved in interventions (cloak and dagger here, no lies!) and seen them escape hell to find a good life on their own. This is so rewarding that it needs no thanks from anyone...it is a wonderful thing to help those who actually appreciate all that is done for them, then later to read letters of how they are doing in life. The help this group gives extends much farther than one thinks about ...selected women are given 4 seminars on self esteem....face it, with what many women have gone through, self esteem can be a major obsticle on the road to success. And the guest speakers are famous people who donate their time (usually charging upward of 20K for a seminar, but do this service for free)...the seminars are limited to 10 people for a very personal helping of each woman. Again, this group works wonders for these women...some of these women have gone on to gain PhD's in fields, others have risen to high positions in local companies...life can be wonderful.
PS...this question is heavy and deserves a star!
Love, peace, and happiness to all of you , Phil