I'm 41 divorced ......single for the last 3 years so I'm ready to get back into a serious relationship. I was wondering how does one handle dating in the 40+ adult world. Are we suppose to hold sex at our age? is there such a thing as giving it out too fast? What do men in their 40's expect when dating?
2007-09-30 05:34:09 · 24 answers · asked by Jane Marple 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dragonfire: After my divorce I threw myself into my work. I dated a couple of men for a few months but it didn't go anywhere...it was weeks of intense sex then suddenly they don't want a serious relationship. ....explaning my today's question.
2007-09-30 05:45:50 · update #1
Being a 45 y/o male I will answer your question from my perspective.
We will take the sex on the first date. If it is awesome and you look really good and keep looking really good we will marry you, but our marriage to you will be for the sex and have very little to do with YOU as a person.
If you give it up on the first date we will take it and if it is not so good or just about average, we will probably call you back after we've had a few beers and are horny and there's nothing else around.
If you give it up on the first date and it's below average and you're not EXTREMELY hot, that will be the last date.
If you wait to give out the sex until you know us, thereby showing us that you're not a WH ore at any age, we'll most likely call you back quickly and want to spend time with you and hope that you are not a WH ore in disguise.
Basically, Girl Rules still apply to you and men are the same from birth to death. We're mostly horny for sex, but we don't want to take a gal under our wings who's going to give sex out to anyone who will have her.
Nothing's changed since you came of age. Sorry.
2007-09-30 05:41:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Here is my answer from experience. I am 47 and was in a very miserable, abusive and loveless marriage for 11 years. I was told I may have ovarian cancer. I ended up not but it was a life opener when you are faced with your own mortality. After I separated from my husband, I met a very wonderful man (2 months after my separation) at my son's school. He has 2 boys 10 &12 , I have 2 boys 8 & 11. We have now been in a very loving, supportive and happy relationship for 1 year. He stood behind me during my divorce and child custody TRIAL. I don't know what I would have done without him. My advice to you is: Life is too short and unpredictable. Use your common sense and when you meet someone worthwhile, date them. It may take some time to find someone you want to "date". Decide on when it is ok to have sex. You will know. My guy was just as nervous as I was. We both needed it! There is no rule book or time limit. Sex with my guy is the BEST sex I have ever had. It isn't just sex it is love. Enjoy your life and good luck!
2007-09-30 06:46:37 · answer #2 · answered by Dani Bosco 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jane; My best answer to you, don't jump into relationships with men. You are a mature person in life. Don't let a man take what he wants in a relationship, first date or not. You have the choice of life. I myself, still being a married man, often think about things like this if anything were to happen with my relationship. Not saying I'm hoping or wishing, but just wondering.
Myself, I would be a person who got to know another first before trying a sexual relationship with her. Being the person I was before getting married at the age of 26, this marriage, at the age of 49 now. I knew my wife for about two years before we got married, but I was still having relationships with other women, and I don't mean lasting ones.
So get to know a person, and you be the one who tells them when you're ready. You are not a person trying to show everyone else how much, many, people you can have "relationships" with for all the fun. You are mature. Show those men how mature you truly are. I hope this isn't a repeated message, but a supportive one.
2007-09-30 05:51:56 · answer #3 · answered by AlbeFree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why would you hold back sex?
if you are in the mood for it
why hold back?
hopefully at 40 you are mature enough not to play the stupid games people play at 20 and 30
so what if you give it out too fast
at 40 a guy is either in to you or he is not
and he is not into playing games
and neither are you
as if you find a single guy at 40
he has been through a divorce
and he will be thinking the same thing
no more BS
just the truth please
the thing is ( and this will be on every guys mind... ) is why were you single for 3 years ( i'll assume you did not date ).. what were you bitter.. angry?, hopefully what ever issues you have have been cleared out, as guys do not want to deal with that drama of baggage
2007-09-30 05:40:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say do what you feel comfortable with. There are no prescribed rules for relationships at any age. Make your own rules. I know people on the extreme ends and people in the middle. I know a couple who got married after a month and there still together 18 years and happy from what I can tell. I know people who have done the long courtships, and people who stay in dead end relationships as well. It is all a matter of your preferences not what society says or thinks. Listen to your heart and your head.
2007-10-01 05:55:28 · answer #5 · answered by Your #1 fan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have a clue but I know women only expect a man to have a really fat wallet!As far as sex goes things haven't changed that much over the years.You need to know each other and see if there are any real feelings before the clothes come off but that's just an old mans thoughts.I haven't had a date in 5 years!
2007-09-30 05:48:07 · answer #6 · answered by notagain49 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember high school? It was easier then. Itis more complicated because of life, issues, hangups and then there can be kids invovled, ex's.
Many guys want sex the first night..okay all guys but there are alot of guys who will wait. You can give it up too fast but then there are times...
Expectations are crazy and no one set works most of the time.
Single for 7 years with 3 kids at home
2007-09-30 05:48:55 · answer #7 · answered by Bob D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At our age the sex is better. There is not the teen anxiety about it or the worry about doing it right. Find the right guy who will romance you and let nature take it's course. Even at our age you should be prepared with protection. If your date is unprepared or balks at using protection then stop and be firm.
You don't have to put out on the first date or the second or third. It's up to you. Always stay in control. I feel like I am talking to my daughter. She does listen to me by the way and is happily married.
Anyway, don't be nervous, stay in control and have fun.
2007-09-30 05:46:51 · answer #8 · answered by Big Red 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not about what men want when dating, it's about what you want. Do you want a fling? There are men out there for that. Do you want to date? There are men out there for that. Do you want to slowly work into a committed relationship? There are men out there for that. None of them are the same man.
You need to know what you want and ask the world for it. If the man in front of you isn't giving you what you are asking for, move on. Don't waste time with someone who isn't willing or able to give you what you are asking for.
It took a dozen false starts after my divorce for my wife and I to find each other (I was in my mid 30's). We are now approaching 8 years.
2007-09-30 05:43:27 · answer #9 · answered by Dan H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a fact that as we men get older, our sex-drives decrease. So I would imagine that relationships at your age would be less sexual than youth relationships.
As for how to handle a relationship at your age: I'd suggest handling it like you would any other serious relationship. The differences between age-group relationships aren't as vast as you think they are.
P.S. I wish you good luck in finding a decent guy!
2007-09-30 05:41:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋