All they want is their friends, work, school. I am so upset. I am a single parent for 11 yrs, given up my life, in financial disarray, I think sometimes I should not have fought for them...I have given up so much for them and now...I have nothing from them at all....I dont know what to do...sometimes I just want to go away and not come back....
2007-09-30 05:00:38 · 19 answers · asked by ladydirm 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
what your going thru is normal..... once you go out into the world and get an interesting job, some nice friends to play with and have your home and life in some balance or order, your children will admire you and follow in your example.
don't rely on your kids to entertain you now, they are learning to fly on their own, don't get in their way, just be there for them when they fall.
once they have kids of their own, they will return to you a hundred fold.
been there, done that.
2007-09-30 05:06:19 · answer #1 · answered by 21 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that 17 year olds have started creating their own lives is a tribute to what a good mom you've been. That means that you have done your job, which is to raise them to be independent, responsible adults. I'm in pretty much the same boat and it does bother me from time to time. I miss the shopping trips, movies, etc. that I used to share with my kids. Then I look at friends who have a 24 year old daughter who STILL lives at home with no job. They haven't finished raising her yet after all this time. I also have a 40 year old cousin who still has to live with his parents every couple of years because he's been fired and has no money.
You have done a good job raising your kids. They are ready to start creating their own lives. Now that they are at this stage, it's time for you to change your perception of who you are. Stop thinking of yourself as "Single parent who sacrificed everything for the kids." You are an independent, interesting person who can now become involved in what interests you. Volunteer in the community, take a continuing education class, join a book club, join a singles group.
When your kids are in their early 20's they'll start coming back around more, but as adults, rather than children. Your relationship will change, but it will be richer and more rewarding. The relationships I shared with my parents when I grew up were very very satisfying.
Take care.
2007-09-30 12:11:01 · answer #2 · answered by wise old woman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your suffering what is called "empty nest syndrome", yours just haven't physically left. You need to start thinking about you, not the kids. Your going to have time on your hands, what do you like to do? Art, sewing, crafts, are you interested in history, politics, science, literature? The local community collages normally have classes at reasonable prices, besides being a single parent you might just find someone who shares your interests and you'll end up sharing a life. My great aunt is the happiest she's ever been in her life, her ex-hubby was more than a jerk, her current hubby she met taking a literature course and he was a guest speaker. Her favorite author at the time. The man treats her so good a couple other male relatives said to him, back off with all the flowers cards and stuff, your making us look bad. Do you think? :-)
2007-09-30 13:36:41 · answer #3 · answered by WACVET75 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my last one is 17 now and same thing here, but having one 30 too reassures me, that once they establish who they are, they outgrow the distancing. i did it too, i think we all do. they are going from being "your kids" to adults and they have to find out what works for them. just hang in there, be there, if and when they need you and you'll be amazed what they really did learn from you when you thought they weren't paying attention. the first time they say something to someone else that you have said to them a million times, you'll know all is right with the world. and they will make some horrid mistakes, try not to giggle too hard, or at least try to hide it, lol.
i bet your efforts will pay off in the end.
and also, now you can have a little more freedom, this past weekend i went to a friends house for five days while she was out of town and fed her dogs. NO KIDS for five glorious days, it was sublime! you also have to find out who you are other than a parent, have fun with it and even though the worry will never stop, the constant supervision has. best of luck and even though its new to you, enjoy yourself.
2007-09-30 12:13:39 · answer #4 · answered by Paula D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
perspective...
as parents our lives with our children involve a spectrum of emotions, like the joy of when they first say ma ma or da da, or the embarrassment from when they say something at the wrong time, or the hurt when they become independent and don't need us any more. My children are a little older and are now realizing that the things that i tried to teach them were for their benefit, and they are more thankful and appreciative. I am going through the same thing. allow them to see the world for themselves, so they can get perspective and see more of whats out there than just home. hang in there they will be back.
2007-09-30 12:14:35 · answer #5 · answered by G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, this is a sign that they are growing up. It's normal and it's healthy. They want their independance and at this stage they see a mother trying to hold them back. Remember how you felt when you were a teenager? In a few years they will realize and even appreciate all that you have done for them. Hang in there, and maybe you should consider joining a social group so you don't feel so alone.
2007-09-30 12:04:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dread when this day comes to me. I remember treating my mom and family like that too when I was that age, but now that I am older, I enjoy spending time with my family. It could just be a teenage "I'm finding my place" phase, that undoubtedly is breaking your heart, but could subside soon. If you want, since they are still minors and living at home with you, tell them that since this is their last year with you, you are instituting the "Spend one night a week with the old lady" rule in the house...and then one night a week, spend it together watching a movie, playing games, going out for dinner, ect. Try to make a connection, and don't worry if they look bored out of their minds at first. Eventually, they may begin to look forward to it, too. I would suggest a NO CELL PHONE policy on this night. :-)
2007-09-30 12:07:11 · answer #7 · answered by The Nag 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should set a time where your kids and you can have dinner together and gather on what's up in their life. Dinner is the best way to gather them together because they can eat and chat. Make sure you say what you want to say that have been stuck in your heart because I know kids will be very flattered by that, they will finally realize how stupid they have been and will try to get some time to be with you. Good luck!
2007-09-30 12:10:34 · answer #8 · answered by *smile* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the mother. You owe them, a good start, a health outlook, and working toward interdependence. You are doing a great job. Now its time to take care of yourself. Its hard. Time to start saying no to them and let them make mistakes. You will still be there when they need you. But its time to make your own life a priority. Take inventory on your needs, get a list and get a course of action started. You have time to still have a comfortable life. Their needs will continue to grow but those needs must be funded by them. They will not make it if you help them very much. Most of our valuable lessons in life came at a high price. Good luck.
2007-09-30 12:10:11 · answer #9 · answered by Miki M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 17 and I still have a great relationship with my parents. Yes, school and my friends are a big part of my life, but I always have time for family. We like to be independent, not treated like children.
2007-09-30 12:07:14 · answer #10 · answered by nckmcgwn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋