My mum is a heavy drinker....?

Question

hi.. my mum is heavy drinker.. she drinks everyday and it has been getting worse latley. the doctors came out and told her that she is at the 'cross roads' of her life and that this is the time where she should stop the drinking or she could die. everyone is worried about her and we have all tried speaking to her but she just ignores all of the help that we offer her. She eats hardly anything so she is very thin and she finds it hard to walk because her liver is very bad, because of the extreme amount of drinking that she does. I just dont know what to do anymore for her. my friends say that it is up to her now to help herself, but im find ing it hard to jst stand back and watch my mum do this to herself. She has said to me that she would rather kill herself than live anymore. My mum is a great person when she is sober but when she is drunk she becomes rly horrible and slags all of my friends and family off. plz help me, i dont know what to do anymore...thanx.

Answer 1

do something drastic take every off her with alchohol you will be doing this for her own good dont feel guilty.


you love her then do something to help her make her go cold turkey she will be glad she did after she has got over it.

Your in control here she is weak with this drink addiction shes going to die if you dont do something now :D take control hunny .

I have faith in you all the way : ) you can do it and so can your mum.you will be saving her life and you will have a mother for longer.

If you ever need a chat please email me [e-mail]

Just remeber to be stong xxx

Answer 2

Don't pick up the pieces for her. eg, if she vomits, leave it for her to clean up. Let her face the consequences of her drinking. Never, buy her drink for her. Refuse point blank. As regards her slagging off, mention this to her when she is sober as she probably has black outs. Refuse to accept 'the blame'-you don't pour the drink down her throat. No more excuses, time to STOP. Don't care why, never mind the past.

Look after YOURSELF first and foremost. Get in touch with Al Anon (sister group of AA). Or Al alteen, if you are younger. It's has religious over tones, but you can just take what you want and leave the rest. They speak a lot of sense. There is probably not a lot you can do-which is a relief really. They can tell you what NOT to do.

Answer 3

You wont cure her all on your own and need some expert help like the AA. Find their address in the phone book and ring and tell them your problem and ask if they can help you. In the meantime keep telling her how much you love and need her and see if she will start to make an effort. Try to get her to go out with you so she is not alone in the house and able to find alcohol. Your family doctor should also be able to recommend help. Keep trying, you never know when she might turn the corner and throw away the drink.

Answer 4

your mom is the kind of a parent that most teens wanted to have, very open and not protective and not strict. Your mom is the one who made that decision spoiling her kid to the max and the only thing you can do is be different from your sister as in your sister is a disaster to be honest. Your mom is making a disaster through your sister as her medium and i bet she would end up a heavy drinker by the age of 20 unless she will change.. some says that they love thier kids but don't know the meaning of love..

Answer 5

your mum sounds really ill and alcoholism is an illness go and visit her GP and tell him she is wanting to end her life ?maybe he can have her sectioned that means that he would have total control to have her admitted against her wishes?if she wont go willingly?this must be very stressful and mum is drinking and willing herself to die of a reason but only those who are trained in this can help her now ?go tomorrow and do this now mum wont like it ,and this will be stressful for you but you must make the decision to make sure that mum is safe and hopefully she will get better soon ?you will be glad after you see mum getting help and she starts to improve sound as if she has gone past the stage of self help get the doctor to do something now before its too late and take care of yourself let us know how you and mum are doing take care

Answer 6

I have a huge distaste fro alcoholics. It is extremely selfish. I do not believe it is a disease. I believe that it is a choice. Alcoholics drink because they are depressed and they want to wallow in it and feel sorry for themselves. They are so filled with self hatred that they drink so that their mind will trick them into believing, the life they have is someone elses fault. Everytime she is slaging on your friends and family, she is really saying those things to a part of herself that she hates. She does not want to accept responsibility. I am truly sorry for the loss of your mother. I know she is not the person that you once knew and you just want her back. Your friends are right. It is up to her. You could tell her that you won't see her anymore unless she quits drinking, but she would still choose the drink. To you she would say "Well you don't love me then". You will never be able to reason with her. It is a waste of breath. My best advice is prayer and going to AlAnon meetings. Sometimes it helps to talk to other people in the same boat. Don't feel guilty about what ever decision you make. It isn't right that your PARENT, has left this responsibility to you. WE are all responsible for ourselves,.

Answer 7

Until your mum decides that she wants to stop drinking & is prepared to accept help there's not alot that you can do.
I was a heavy drinker a while back and despite my family & friends trying to help me i had to hit rock bottom before i was ready to stop.
Good luck & take care x

Answer 8

hi,
l went thru the same thing with my dad, he was very very unhappy and basically wanted to die, unfortunately he got his wish last year, me my mom and brother tried and tried to help him, but in his words he had hit the self distruct button and there was nothing we could do, he too was a great man when sober, l wish you well, all l can say now is if your mom doesnt want to stop, nothing you do or say will change her mind, its heart breaking to watch and sometimes you just have to take a step back to stay sane, hope you sort things out xx.

Answer 9

You have to realize what your Mom is facing now and
understand it before you can approach her. It sounds like
your Mom has been drinking for quite a long time. She may
have wanted to quit drinking but, after becoming addicted,
gave up trying because of how it made her feel. Trying
to give up an addiction that makes you shake all over,
hallucinate, and make you feel like you just want to die..
isn't easy. It feels like she is becoming more sick than
she is now and by just taking "one" more drink will make
this feeling go away. People who drink and have a liver
problems now has more than one hurdle to go over...
the addiction and the fact that her liver isn't working right.
This is a very hard pill to swallow. Though, people say
for her to go to a support group to help her...she needs
help with the symptoms she will have going off this
addiction. The doctors can provide medication to lesson
the symptoms of the addiction and help her to cope
better with overcoming this than if she tries to do this
on her own. It would give her a milder road to do this.
She should try to be in a detox program at a hospital
where they have all the medication there to help and they
have handled so many others like her...that they know
when to step in. Your Mom is extremely depressed and
seems like she no longer cares. This is a very natural
response when something ahead of her looks so
impossible to accomplish.
Usually, when the liver first develops a problem, it is
inflammation and if a patient stops drinking during this
window of opportunity, the inflammation will start to
go down and the doctors have other medication that
he can give her, where her liver cells will heal.
However, if she continues to drink, the inflammation in
these cells will cause the death of the liver cells and
then there is no turning back...the doctor can try to
slow down the death of any other cells, but it cannot
be stopped completely and can lead to the liver
not doing the functions it once did to keep the body
well. There are so many people out there who have
drank and now have cirrhosis of the liver, that wish they
would have tried harder and quit drinking so they were
not now having to face the liver being transplanted with
a donor liver in order to live. Facing this liver problem
and coming to terms with it is her second hurdle.

A liver transplant doesn't cost in the 1000's of dollar range,
it is in the 100,000's of dollar range. You have to go through
a long evaluation process and the doctors will decide
when you are placed on the list for a possible transplant.
You wait on that list for an organ to become available and
you may die waiting on that list. Anything that your Mom
can do now to help herself, would be a help. It has to
be addressed one step at a time....even baby steps is
better than none.
Yelling, screaming, crying, ranting and raving and getting frustrated with her will not do any good. Talking with her and letting her know you will help her go through the process of stopping and letting her know how much she means to you and that you want her in your life is best right now. Telling
her what she is going to miss not being here is another
thing you can do. Making her feel more insecure and hating herself is not the answer.
I would check with your local hospital and see if they
have a detox program. You could ask them about what
medication they can use to help her through this. You
could also find out more information through the support
group like AA.
Most alcoholic end up mal nourished and they lack
certain vitamins and mineral they need. Since she
is going to a doctor now, it would be good to see if
they could provide supplemental nourishment for her
to replace this. It won't work unless she gives up
drinking so much. ( People with end stage liver disease
usually become quite frail looking, almost like a
walking skeleton with very huge bellys filled with fluid.)

If she does have very serious liver problems, she will
not be able to be placed on the transplant list unless
she is free of drinking alcohol for 6 months. The doctors
only want to give the organs to someone who they
know wants to live, is trying to overcome habits, and
will take care of the organ after the transplant....they
want people who will do something to save their own
life. Overcoming her drinking is a step in the right
direction and they may see this and get an organ for
her much sooner.

I wish I could give you more ideas, but this is the best
I know of for now. You are a wonderful daughter to take
this upon yourself to try to be there to help her now.

Answer 10

tell your mam i used to be a heavy drinker and to be true i nearley died from it ....and it's not nice to go as far as down the tunnel ...i was saved in the nick ov time ...that was 2n half yr's ago and i haven't touched a drop since...now i look bk and think why did i do it....you not only damage yourself but ya end up hurting all those around you and the ones u lv.
Stop buying it for her if she sends you 2 the shop & tell her from me talking to someone is a really gr8 help.....gd luck babe x