I used to be promiscuous before getting married. But then I got fat.?

Question

Before I met my current husband I was not at all selective about who I slept with. I had close to 15 male sexual partners before the age of 21.

In my early twenties I developed a metabolic disorder that keeps me from being thin, no matter how much diet or exercise I get. The men stopped approaching me because, presumably, not many men want to sleep with overweight women. In hindsight, it probably saved my life because it was only a matter of time before I got AIDS or some other terrible disease.

I met a wonderful man when I was 22 who didn't care that I wasn't thin, and we got married. I am now 40 and still overweight.

I am wondering, if I ever lost the weight through new drugs or medical procedures, would I go back to being promiscuous as I was before I gained the weight? I don't want to cheat on my husband, but I wonder if the temptation would be too great not to seek out that kind of rush of excitement from a man?

Answer 1

As a person who gained a lot of weight, and lived that way for 10+ years, now is thin again; I can tell you that you will simply enjoy having the kind attention of men again. It won't be like when you were a teen or early twenty, because now you are not part of that crazy newness of sex. Men in their early adulthood will be intimidated simply by your age and experience. Also, if you bare in mind that they only want sex, and could care less if you were dead the next morning would also keep you from investing any sort of yourself into their attentions.
Besides, you'll be having too much fun getting new clothes and doing activities that require your new strong body (biking, kayaking, hiking, climbing, etc..) that your old body couldn't do!
Just remember: People are visual and are nice to pretty, healthy people. I didn't make up these rules, neither did they. It's just how it is. You will also see how much better your husband will treat you (even if you and him wanted to believe he didn't care that you were overweight)

Answer 2

I would hope that you would have matured enough to understand how dangerous and self destructive promiscuity is and how it destroys your self esteem. You got lucky and didn't end up with a sexually transmitted disease and you found a man who loves you. You say he is wonderful. Why would you jepardize this relationship for something so shallow?? You can try the new medical procedures or drugs and you may lose the weight but would you mind losing a wonderful partner who has stood by you in the process. You need to go for some counselling to see why you would even consider it. Believe in yourself and in your husband. Work with all your might to make your marriage the best that it can be. You can bring excitement into your own marriage if you are willing to try. Losing the weight may make things more exciting anyway. The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence until you get there. Don't even think about making foolish choices because you may end up with disasterous results. Go for the medical solutions to your weight issues for the right reasons, not for an excuse to seek out other excitement. Learn to love yourself, too!! Good luck!

Answer 3

No doubt the excitement and rush will overwhelm you with memories of youth, promiscuity and your perception of thin=sexy.

Your husband married you for what is inside you not what you looked liked on the outside. For you to even fathom cheating on a man who is not so shallow to post questions on Y/A about contemplating cheating on their wives because they do not have the same smoking hot body as when they got married is a clear indication that at age 40 if you haven't learned nothing else, staying faithful to a man that loved you for you is your additional hindsight.

Enjoy the new attention but do not let the physical trick you again into a life of potential STDs, non commitment, non love and shallow expectations.

Answer 4

Do you really think you may have a problem in your marriage, because the temptation to cheat might be too great and you won't be able to avoid a rush of excitement from a man? Oh you poor thing.

Lady, you are obviously not in love with your husband. You married him only because you were desperate, if you could ask such a dumb question, especially at 40! Forget worrying about losing weight. You should only be worrying about your intelligence at this time in your life.

If you were proud because you had sex with 15 men before age 21, then you have a major problem. All you should be is embarrassed, because you only were a s l u t getting used for sex. You think that's something to be proud of?

Now you're 40 years old, married and worried that you might act the same way you did when you were a teenager?

You need help.

Answer 5

We all make choices in life. If you desire to have sex with other men then thats your choice. Remember this,your husband accepted you overweight. These men ditched you when you gained the weight. Who really cares and loves you. These men care nothing about you except sex.They'll never marry you . You want that kind of reputation , then there is HIV. There is nothing with weight loss, but do it to feel good about your health. To impress the opposite sex then you are asking for trouble.

Answer 6

If you still fantasize about those days, you probably will go for it. You may have a sexual disorder they described the other night on the Discover channel. You could be addicted to the chemical released by the brain when "boy meets girl" if you know what I mean. We all are to a certain extent, but flirting usually will suffice. you may be different and there may be treatments for it! Good luck.

Answer 7

I think you still haven't matured. You stopped being sexually active cos other men don't want to approach you for sex cos of your size so it'sreally NOT your choice to want to stop being promiscuous. If you lose weight, I think you will most prob. go back to your old way of life, except that you'll be trying hard to conceal from your husband.

Answer 8

u miss that rush and excitement of having hot sex with someone u just met, i'd say lose the weight and give it a try. its been a long time since u enjoyed that kind of love making so i bet u are probably craving it right now. hey good luck to u how ever things turn out for u.

Answer 9

i think that the only reason you slept with those guys was to build your self esteem. and those were probably one nighters too,right? and you probably thought that they would like you if you did it.. i will have to say that if you did lose the weight now it would gain some of your self esteem back, but that does not mean that you have to go out on your husband to prove that you are worth something..

Answer 10

You are 40, overweight and have a metabolic disorder (sure) .

I'm telling you "You can't lose weight". So don't worry about back to being promiscuous.