we,ve been trying for three years to get back together after divorce, i,ve sought counseling,but he keeps saying he doesn,t feel comfortable to talk to a counselor,but he didn,t have trouble talking to a certain women at work, which he ended up having a affair with, only to ask me to take him back afterwards. which i tried,but i just can,t get past the affair ,because he shows no remorse for his actions. why did i keep trying? CONFUSED!
2007-09-30 02:37:24 · 13 answers · asked by kathleenwanabee 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are going to continue to ruin your life if you even talk to this idiot. That guy doesn't love you. You're kidding, you don't know that?
You are divorced for 3 years, he won't seek counseling and he had an affair! Who gives a sht if he's asking to take you back? He probably just wants a place to live!
You should have learned from your mistake already, but obviously you haven't, because you're letting him play you for a complete fool. Get some self respect, pride, dignity and value and move on with your life.
2007-09-30 02:49:23 · answer #1 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 6⤋
Most men do not like to talk about feelings, and relationships. Women (in general) talk about their feelings much more freely.
Men have learned that when a woman wants to "talk about the relationship" it really means she wants to do is tell him what HE is doing wrong and what HE needs to change! If he tries to mention something that she does that he would like changed, he is going to either have her screaming or crying, because he is "insensitive".
We rarely even ask friends for advice. We surely do not want to go and spend money to talk to someone we do not know, and have them tell us that we need to change.
You seem to think that going to counseling is showing remorse. You want him to go and be told that he is a bad person, and for him to work on "improving himself" so that he does not do it again!
I can not tell from your question if he had the affair and that lead to the divorce, or if he had a relationship after the divorce. If you were divorced and he had another relationship, he really did not do anything wrong! He was a single man at the time. He has nothing to be remorsefull about!
If the affair was the cause of the divorce, you have to decide if you can forgive him. If you can, take him back. If you are going to be bitter and resentful, you two will be better off apart. It is your choice!
You can go to counseling yourself, if you think it will help you! You have to decide if you want to continue a relationshi, or not!
2007-09-30 03:34:36 · answer #2 · answered by fire4511 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Because most men don't feel comfortable to be told what theya re doing wrong in favour of the wife and thats the main reason they don't like going for counselling.
2007-09-30 03:06:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
The couselors you've brought him to are probably telling him what a stupid jerk he is. Would you go to a counselor who was telling you that you're a neglectful wife and produced the affair yourself? Absolutely NOT!
If you want to get to the bottom of the issues, and FIX the problem, you need a PhD in mental health or Psychyatrist. Rarely are these kinds of issues about marriage. It's about individual baggage that was never dealt with before marriage and brought into the marriage only to "rot" in the corner and manifest (stink up the joint) into behaviours that do not coincide with marriage union.
I believe you know that, and that's why you keep trying. You know it's not his fault; but he's the one who hurt you, and you can't figure out who's fault (where the monkey wrench was thrown in) it is. OR You know EXACTLY who and what made him this way, but you don't know how to fix it.
See a real professional, not these quack social workers.
2007-09-30 02:48:57 · answer #4 · answered by Xanadu 5 · 2⤊ 3⤋
If he says he doesn't feel comfortable speaking to a counsellor - then he doesn't feel comfortable speaking to one!
What part of that sentence can't you understand??
He wants you take him back & you wont because he wont speak to a counsellor?? You are being the unreasonable one here.
Either take him back or not. What has a counsellor got to do with the issue?
Take him back - or move on. You know the details, why involve others?
2007-09-30 03:02:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Its not hard for us, and I will get around to it one of these days.
I mean we only separated in 1985 what is the rush. lol
2007-09-30 02:48:34 · answer #6 · answered by Rational Thought 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband just doesn't want to work on your marriage...if he did...he would go see the counselor and quit using "I don't feel comfortable talking to a counselor" excuse.....that is malarkey.....Like you said...he felt all comfortable and cozy talking to the floozy at work that he had an affair with.
2007-09-30 02:44:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 4⤋
The same reason men don't ask for directions.
2007-09-30 02:53:00 · answer #8 · answered by Rainwalker 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is that you just aren't moving on (and neither is he). You don't go back, and you don't take them back... EVER. It's not worth the drama, and it's never going to be one of those rare, great romantic relationships.
You didn't have an argument, you didn't experience a lapse in judgement, you got divorced, so move on already.
2007-09-30 02:47:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋
Because they feel they always have a good reason for thier screw ups,and since we are women we are sopposed to bow down and kiss thier as...........!Why would you waste your love and entergy on an as....hole?Do you not think that you are not good enough for anyonelse besides him?Wrong.Do you think that no onelse will love you?Well if he loved you he would not have hurt you so deep.
2007-09-30 02:47:12 · answer #10 · answered by lollypop 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋