my best friend, julia shared with me recently that she had sex for the first time over the summer. shes only 13, and i dont think she was ready, even though she said she was.
my question is, how do i tell her what shes done is wrong and stupid w/o hurting her and making her not trust me?
2007-09-29 17:16:30 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
you have quite a dilemma on your hands. personally i think she is too young to be dealing with sex no matter what she may think. the problem is how do you tell her without her resenting you, which she probably will due to the fact she is most likely still immature about such things. she's freakin 13 for God's sake. as a friend, telling her what she is doing is wrong would be the right thing to do. if she continues with this, she might get pregnant before she's finished with high school and trust me she absolutely does NOT want that. and also i think the guy she was with deserves to get his *** kicked. he was clearly taking advantage of a young girl's impressionable mind, what an asshole.
2007-09-29 17:27:01 · answer #1 · answered by Pao B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that you don't want her to be hurt and explain why. She is too young and as her best friend, you feel like you must tell her in order to help her make the right decisions. You are doing the right thing by sitting down and having a heart-to-heart talk with her. It shows you love her, care about her life and you are a really good friend! Don't use the word wrong or stupid. Those are offensive words. Be the best friend you can be and help her before she winds up pregnant and left alone. Tell her you want better for her.no..the best for her. If you are that close....even if she gets mad (because guys can get in-between friendships) you must tell her and do it kindly and lovingly. I think she will come along and value your opinion. My hat's off to you in this day and age when girls have sex so very young! You are very wise. She'll trust you. She trusted you with this news right?
2007-09-30 00:30:16 · answer #2 · answered by luv2seashore1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well look she made the mistake. And you think it was wrong and you're right. But telling her it was stupid and dumb will get her mad at you and get you nowhere.
At 13, she wasn't ready for that! no matter what she says. But if she is gonna continue having that relationship or sleeping with new guys YOU need to express to her that you are on a different path. That you want to wait for your wedding night and make yourself special for ONLY your husband. And that this will change your whole relationship.
If the word gets out or she gets promiscuous (slutty), she will be labeled and you along with her; because you are her best friend. You both need to be on the same page.
Her actions might also pressure you to do the same thing so that you feel like you're both on the same page. But DON"T DO IT! Seriously, you will be respect more than her for her loose morals. Think hard about this.
2007-09-30 00:27:39 · answer #3 · answered by K in Him 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot the tell her it is wrong and stupid without hurting her. The thing is that you are not supposed to tell her "she is stupid" or JUDGE what she had done in any way.
Just let her know the consequences and she can trust you should she need any advice of any kind.
Additionally, telling her your own experiences helps. Even if they are not true. The classic "When I was your age, I made the same mistake... etc., etc.,"
2007-09-30 00:38:59 · answer #4 · answered by pollitrescu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really can't and shouldn't.
If she comes to you wondering if she should go have some more sex, than by all means! tell her that you don't think she should, and depending on her personality, either list your logical reasons, or tell her stories of other people that you know who have done it way to soon and regretted it later.
If you try and tell her now that what she has done is wrong and stupid, you will drive her away from you and you will not be able to help her later on, when she comes to that conclusion herself.
I think, in the end, it would be so much better to lose the vindication right now of telling her off for her stupidity and then actually be able to help and support her when she begins to discover that for herself.
2007-09-30 00:22:49 · answer #5 · answered by peacedevi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might want to ask your friend why she did this in the first place. Maybe she was in a situation that made her feel pressured or something like that. Then talk with her more on what she plans for the future on this subject. If she does continue to have sex you might want to make sure she does it safely. Unfortunately now that she has started having sex it usually is hard to refrain from it. Support her in making better choices indirectly.
2007-09-30 00:27:22 · answer #6 · answered by kimberleymanrique 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, how well as your mom taught you? If you have a mom
you can trust ask her, if you have a mom who can't talk about it then I would take your friend to a local planned parenthood
and learn.
She is going to do what she wants to do, but she should
be educated so she knows what not to do.
That is reality but 13 is too young, she doesn't even know
what love is if she is just having sex, I hope she doesn't confuse the two.
2007-09-30 00:22:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. Just Tell her 13yo should not be having sex. PLZ PLZ do not promot premarital sex. U have a good head on your shoulders. Talk to an adult. (her parents may seem like a bad idea, but it is actually a good one.) ;)
2007-09-30 00:20:54 · answer #8 · answered by Yung Actur 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just sit her down and tell her that you are always going to be behind her and support her, however you do not agree with what she is doing. Let her know about the consequences (STD, getting pregnant) that could come along with that one time.
2007-09-30 00:20:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
just tell her. if she doesnt trust you or doesnt like you as a friend anymore, then she wasnt a good friend herself to try and convince herself that it was right to have SEX at age 13.
2007-09-30 00:19:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋