Should I leave my partner?

Question

10 years ago, I fell in love with a friend. We became very close and I knew he was my soul mate. Because he was accepted into an academic program, he moved thousands of miles away and we never had a chance to be more . We have kept in constant contact since then, and the feelings have only grown. I have been involved in another relationship off and on for the last 4 years. The new relationship started off with many problems due to a drinking problem. 2x I left my partner because of problems, and both times visited my friend/soul mate. My friend/soul mate still wasn't ready for a commitment and wasn't sure he wanted children. My partner dealt with his addiction, and we got back together. Soul mate has since come to a place where he's ready to be married and says he is grieving the missed opportunity with me. Things with partner are million times better than in past, but the feelings have never matched those had for soul mate. Tried cutting ties with soul mate. Feelings persist. Do I go?

Answer 1

Omg! this has got to be the hardest love situation ever, especially since theirs no bad guy. I really don't know what to say about this. I would say to think with your mind as well. Sometimes the heart can be deceiving. Good luck!

Answer 2

If things with your partner are million times better than the past, you have to consider that he has changed himself for you. I don't know how long you've known your soul mate but time changes people. He may be the person you loved so much long ago, but he may not the be the same person back then. Your feelings are still there because of what you remember long ago. You guys have not dealt with fighting, arguing, whatever. And even if you did, it's not a big deal because you guys are just friends. Stay with the one who loves you now. You know him best and he is trying his best to be with you. It is a big risk if you leave the one who loves you for the one you love. Let's say you leave him and go for your "soul mate" and it doesnt' work out, you will come back to your partner because he loves you, and even when he takes you back, things will probably never be the same again. Let it go. It's in the past.

Answer 3

So, you want us to tell you what? To leave the guy that's been thinking you two had a relationship that meant something for the last four years? The guy that has worked to become the man you want? The guy that helped make your relationship "a million" times better? And to tell you to leave him for your friend/soul mate- the one that wasn't ready for commitment, even after 6-8 years? Is there a difference between soul mate and flock buddy? Well, since we're supposed to be kind, let me advise you to go with your soul mate, since he's realized after only 10+ years that he's madly in love. Ya gotta admire a guy that can make up his mind. You go. Your partner deserves a woman that cares for him, rather than her soul mate.

Answer 4

Hey Heidi!
Yeah, it’s a little hard this situation huh. You mentioned your relationship is a million times better, that’s fantastic! That’s a really good positive thing. Your partner must love you to change as much as he has good on him!
Know for your soul mates. Soul mates come into our lives to teach us things about ourselves. Once, whatever it is they have taught you about yourself has been taught, the relationship usually dies out and you move on.
People say they have married their soul mate etc, but that’s not always the case or a good thing, or they think it’s their soul mate when that person isn’t.
Soul mates come in and out of our lives when we need them, but as I said b4, they leave when we have been taught what we needed to learn.
People who marry their soul mate usually have a hard marriage. That’s after the fireworks settle down. They tend to grow apart and then don't need each other. It usually ends in divorce.
Your partner, I believe, isn't your soul mate. This is good..
Yes, you don't have those butterflies in your tummy for your husband like you do for your soul mate, but that’s not a bad thing either. You still have some healing to do due to the past with your partner. I suggest you both attend a really good counsellor; it will be the cherry on the cake for both of you.
I believe you should consider cutting ties with your soul mate and move on with your partner. I believe your current relationship will get stronger and stronger and new, even stronger love will develop over time, but I suggest you both attend counselling.
Peace to you both!

Answer 5

I will try not to give you a simplistic answer here.

I have been in a very similar situation and you should bear in mind the following:

1. To what extent are you running from your current relationship (i.e. if no-one else was in the picture would you be perfectly happy?)?

2. Are you romanticising your relationship with your friend because you have never had a chance to do it in real life?

3. Is it a case of 'the grass is greener'?

Ask yourself these questions and answer yourself honestly.

Then if you have to go, you have to go but bear in mind that it might not work out with the new guy. Make sure you are ready for that eventuality. Also consider not dating either of them for a while so you can clear your head.

Answer 6

If you are not married to your partner then there's no commitment. Relationships are about trial and error. If it does not work out then find someone else that it will work with. You are only forced to stay with someone and make it work when your are married. If you feel strongly for this other guy then leave your partner or you'll regret it. Your happiness comes first. Even if your in a 4 yr relationship with your partner its still okay to walk away.

Answer 7

I say give your friend a chance, if you don't you're gonna have that what if in the back of your mind. I have never dated a person with an alcohol addiction but i have dealt with one for many years. My mother married one and he was such an ***! I wouldn't want for you to go down that path cause it could get worse. If you know in your heart that your friend is your soulmate than i say go for it girl! GOOD LUCK IN WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE TO DO!

Answer 8

Leave both.

The first one has wasted your time and is still addicted.

The second one is just regretting that he wasted your time too and now thinks he should have a chance.

Let's say you go with your soulmate and down the road you get married, and have a couple of kids, who is to say that he won't change his mind about being married or anything else?

Answer 9

boy are you ever in a pickle. :P You'll probably have problems either way, it's how you deal with the problems that matter. Just make sure whatever you do, do NOT get into a situation where affairs will happen. Not healthy

Answer 10

i would go for it. I mean your refering to this guy as your soul mate so why are you even questioning it! Good Luck