what do you think i mean? and did i use correct grammar?
I’m not a happy girl; but sometimes, just sometimes, all a girl need is love. So I can be nothing but happy with just love. And that’s only sometimes. No matter how simple it is for others to do what I do, difficulty always describes my tasks. All my life I’ve been doing what I do, I can walk and I can talk. It wouldn’t make a difference now if I give all up and just kick the darn bucket. I don’t have to work at the moment but I wouldn’t be any sadder if I did have work to finish right now. It’s like I’m working from paycheck to paycheck, deadlines are always meant to be reached. Maybe it’s just me because I’m a victim of perfection. The flag has to always be red, white, and blue.
2007-09-29 11:24:51 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Hmmm. Pretty good command of the English language, although I'd change "And that's only sometimes." to "But that's only sometimes." Because I think you're trying to emphasize the overall dreariness of "I."
(I'm assuming that "I" is a character in a story or essay.)
The big problem is content. This doesn't go anywhere by itself. And if it's meant to go somewhere (like the first paragraph in a novel), it's an awfully dreary introduction. "I" seems depressing and very self-centered.
That said, I would read on to the second paragraph. So that's a plus point for your writing. But if you don't introduce some fun or action in paragraph two, I might be a peeved reader (because you are wasting my time).
I'm really not sure about this "The flag always has to be red, white, and blue." metaphor. America is perfection? France is perfection? You don't like pink, cream and aqua? But, it does show you have a mind for interesting metaphors, so keep working at it.
(-: I would say this paragraph shows definite talent. Keep writing!
2007-09-29 11:39:26 · answer #1 · answered by Madame M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I’m not a happy girl. Sometimes, all a girl needs is love, so I can be nothing but happy with just love but that’s only sometimes. No matter how simple my tasks seem to others, for me they are always difficult. All my life I’ve been doing the things that I can do. I can walk and I can talk. It wouldn’t make any difference if I just gave up right now and kicked the darned bucket.. I don’t have any work to do at the moment but I wouldn't be any sadder if I did. It’s like I’m working from paycheck to paycheck. Deadlines are always meant to be reached. Maybe it’s just me because I’m a victim of perfection. The flag has to always be red, white, and blue.
I have altered the things I felt needed adjustment. I think you are saying that, although you are healthy and fit, you are just bored with your life in general.
2007-09-29 11:56:40 · answer #2 · answered by Tatsbabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am not a happy girl, somtimes, all the needs of a girl is love. so i can be happy just with lovebut that's only for sometimes. it dosen't matter if what i do is simple for others, but they are always difficult for me. i have done all my best all over my life. i can walk and i can talk. it wouldn't makes any difference if i gave up all of them and kicked the darned bucket. i have nothing to do right now and i would be better if i had tasks to do. it seems i'm working from paychecked to paychecked. deadlines are always meant to be reached. may be it's just me beacouse i'm a victim of perfection. the flag has to always be red, white and blue.
are a french?
2007-10-06 21:49:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All over the map. Is this for stream of consciousness class? You have some grammatical errors and quite a few slipped prepositions; non sequitors.
Work on paragraphing and collecting thoughts.
Also, that last line is a stretch; like tagging George M. Cohan onto a G-rated Sarah Silverman rant.
Good luck in the future.
2007-10-05 08:22:22 · answer #4 · answered by Goethe's Ghostwriter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're unhappy. You have the sense that you are nothing. Even so, you can sometimes be happy. Acting in the world takes effort. Life is a mundane routine. Your death would have no impact on the world. It makes no difference to how you feel whether you work or not. Nothing changes. Life is pointless.
There are a few grammatical errors, but nothing that interferes with the passage's readability.
2007-09-29 12:23:27 · answer #5 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, to me it sounds as if you have drowned yourself in pitty because of what you have been taught... "what" to like, rather then figuring out "what you" like. Maybe some loser messed with your head and now all you do is ask why? maybe someone has indented misery in your company, maybe your easily influenced, maybe you don't see past a need, and only want, maybe your not happy living thru your own will, maybe your friends are servants of the devil, maybe your to busy complaining instead of appreciating, maybe what you think you need isn't what you really want, a paycheck isn't LIFE...
2007-10-05 10:04:16 · answer #6 · answered by Unbreakable Me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its alright.
corrections:
all a girl NEEDS is love.
So I can be nothing but happy with just love, and that's only sometimes.
AND isn't a complete sentence.
All my life I've been doing what I can do, I walk the walk and talk the talk
I don't have to work at the moment but I wouldn't be any more sad..
2007-09-29 11:42:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
good job gurl!! you did from 1-10 ILL GIVE IT A 10!! I aint seen no ones paragraph as good as urs. You betta keep up the good work!
2007-10-05 14:35:59 · answer #8 · answered by Chanae 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good but, in the first sentence it supposed to be "all a girl needs is love" good luck hope i could help
2007-09-29 11:33:49 · answer #9 · answered by lewhatisthebest 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this paragraph is what one might call ' stream of conscious writing'. .
2007-09-29 12:38:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋