My husband had an emotional friend....help!!?

Question

I have been married for 11 years and have a 5 year old girl. I just recently (This Week) found a text message from some girl telling him she loves him. I confronted him. He says it was a mistake and a stupid game on his part. He wanted to see if he still had "it". And wanted someone to talk to.... Now me and him work and live together and honestly we have about 2 hrs of free time a day. so when he tells me the relationship was completely over the phone, and she was just his "Emotional friend" I believe that... But, it doesn't make it hurt any less. Sometimes I think it would have been easier if he just screwed some random girl than to have invested what little time we have together in a relationship like this. He called her in front of me and broke it off like it was nothing. He's begging me to forgive him and not leave. He says he will never do it again. I am so confused. Could he have just made a mistake? How do you know? I feel like a fool. Should I go just go? God, how do I know?

Answer 1

Darned if I know why, but I'm going to advise you to consider letting this be something less than a deal breaker. Even if it was only cyber stupidity, it's scummy. Now here I show I'm an old fart. You two are not going to make it. Because you yourself say you guys only have two hours a day, you both will eventually be so stressed, that something will happen, you'll have a giant blowup, and both be single and bitter for years. Orrrr, you might decide to find a way to live that can help keep you two friends. Then the lover part takes care of itself. Don't let making a living become more important than the person you love. Your husband may just have gotten crazy a little sooner than you. Fix your life, and put him on probation for about twenty years

Answer 2

Guys have insecurity issues, just like women. We don't feel attractive any more and wonder if our wives only stay out of habit not attraction. So some guys try to charm some girl just to see if they still can. They often have no intention of cheating or anything like that, they just need some reassurance. It sounds like that was your husband's problem. And if you spend as much time together as it sounds he has no opportunity to simply flirt with a waitress or something to feel a bit better, so he had to use the phone.

It doesn't make it right, but at least you know it's not about you, and that you are pretty safe with this guy. It's up to you if this is a deal breaker. But you have to be really sure to yourself about why before you make that decision. If you're just leaving because you're mad, you'll regret it. If this one incident has completely destroyed the trust in your relationship, then maybe it's time to move on. But please, for the sake of all involved, be sure. If you're not sure, stay until you are.

Good luck.

Answer 3

This marriage is worth believing in him and that it will not happen again . However, the fact that he felt the need to talk to someone is a red flag to you about your marriage. Something is not right at home or he would not feel the need to talk to another woman. Maybe you are so busy that you are not taking time to hear him. I don't know if that is the problem but I think it is worth taking a look at. Counseling would be a great benefit to your marriage. You could actually come right out and ask him why he felt the need to talk to another woman. Saying this in front of a counselor would guarantee an honest answer. Good luck.

Answer 4

First off, you are not a fool. You can't control what others do, and secondly how woudl you know? It was concealed.

Tough situation. First question is what do you want? I.E., were you happy before you found out about this? Did you truly love him and did you have a good relationship? If yes, then you have to ask yourself if you are willing to try. More importantly can you forgive him and try and work on it?

My advice is to first truly do some introspection, decide what you want and then make a choice.

Answer 5

Sound to me a lot more then just talk if message says " she loves him". That being said I would confront him and put the cards on the table. If he is unhappy with marriage to bring it all out in the open. As for emotional friend - why not turn to family member,male friend ? We all make mistakes in life and give him a chance and ask him to open up communitions to find out what he is missing. He turned to another person for a reason? You have a 5 year old girl who is also best to have both parents around.

People have done a lot worst thing so put it inprospective.

Answer 6

Men are the stupidist things on this planet. We do this crap as an ego booster, when we have a woman there that loves us and would do anything for us. That should be all the ego booster we need. I am guilty of it and I can tell you that I learned so much from the situation. I lost my girlfriend of 3 years from it and it helped me to realize the stupidity and the hurt it causes. I lost her but have grown from it and now realize the kind of person I was and now the kind of man I am and want to be. If I had been given another chance with her, she would know the kind of love I truly have for her and what its really like to be in a relationship with someone who would put her first in everything for the rest of her life. She would have made a great wife and I would have been the best husband she could have asked for. I hope that if you really love him, and you feel that he is really sorry, you will give him another chance. We all make mistakes and some of us do learn from them.. Goodluck to you in this. I know its hard, and I hope this works out for you.

Answer 7

WEllll...you are only trying to convince yourself that he doesnt have the time to see her. BELIEVE ME when a man cheats he finds the time. Like when he goes to the store alone, do you think that he doesnt have the time to meet up with her in the parking lot get a quickie and run back home? Girl open your eyes! some chick isnt going to tell YOUR man she loves him unless they have had that physical connection. Its up to you whether u want to leave him or not but i can GUARANTEE you that he has been intimate with her and he will most likely do it again. If u have it in you to leave him...GET OUT if not try and work it out...I wish you the best. I can tell you though that you wont trust him again or believe him so if u want to live like that its all up to u.

Answer 8

if this is the first betrayal and he is remorseful, i would forgive him providing he agreed to therapy or christian counseling. if he called her in front of u that's good. no it was no mistake he may have a low self worth and maybe the woman approached him and pursued him and it flattered him, but he made the choice he could have said no to the temptation. go with your heart on this one, no one can really tell u what road to take. just take him at his word unless he would do it again to u, and if he does would u be emotionally able to end it, or would it destroy u? he seems to be sincere, at least he is sorry.

Answer 9

While you may feel duped, it is not your fault. Nobody MADE him do what he did. And if she texted she loved him, then they were probably definitely intimate.
Do some real soul searching here. Do you think your relationship is worth salvaging? Do you think you can forgive him and move forward? Ask yourself these questions and then talk to him about how you feel.
Good luck. I am really sorry this happened to you.

Answer 10

Give him a second chance.....but keep close tabs on him without being too tough....We all make mistakes, and we all want to be forgiven, but once forgiven, Never make mistake again. Good Luck!