new mother?

Question

my baby boy is 9 months old and im19. i live with my boyfriend but he never really helps, he works and i stay at home with the baby. i feel so tired some days that i cant get out of bed! and i no i should expect to feel tired but its really bad. i get so stressed sometimes i have to leave the room to just scream or cry! some days i even think why i thort i could handle a baby in the first place! and i know thats a horribe thing to think but its how i feel! ive told my boyfriend that i need help ...and he does for a day then goes bak to normal! i love my baby sooo much! but i feel asthough im going to be a terible mother because i cant cope! does every mother feel like this or do you think i need to see a doctor? thanks for your answers x

Answer 1

awww bless you! im 22 and a first time mum too! i have a 10 month old and do must the work too but i do have my mum have her overnight every now and again, do you get any break like that? coz it does help ALOT you get a whole day and night to yourself and you cant wait to get them back even tho the break is nice i understand how you wanna cry sometimes me too!!! lol but if its very bad it could be postnantel depression which you can get way after having a baby, see and doctor and say how you feel...your not a terrible mother, every mother gets stressed!!! msg me if you wanna talk or need a friend!! xxx

also id like to add that i felt a little deoressed a while ago being at home all the time so now i go to mums and tots groups and also i go cheerleading and gymnastics twice a week and leave partner with little one, get yourself a hobbie and join a mum and tots group, gives you something to do!!! and something for your brain to work at!!! lol
being stuck indoors all day is no fun!

also im looking into training in nails becoz the jobcentre help pay if it may help you find a job, all these things give me something to achieve so my lifes just not about sitting in all day!!

Answer 2

my baby boy is 2 months old and I am 19 as well. I've definately felt the pressure and reading your question, I felt like you were describing me and my situation. My boyfriend doesn't help at all, which ultimately stresses me out more because we end up areguing every time I ask him for help. At this point, I'm just trying to figure things out for myself.

I had to step back and think about my priorities. My son is #1. I know that I am going to try my hardest to be the best mother I can be, I didn't believe that he was comitting himself half as much as he could and with him adding to my stress, I'm at the point where I may just let him go. Arguing on a daily basis is just as bad for my son as it is for me you know!

I have found things that help make me feel better though. The main thing you need is a little YOU time. That doesn't neccessarily mean time without the baby though. I got online and googled Teen Mother support groups and found a local group that I go to twice a month. It's free and its just two hours of me and other girls my age that are going through exactly what I'm going through. I can't even explain how much this has helped! I would definately look into it if I were you.

Basically, just make sure you have someone to talk to. Know that you are alone in these feelings, they are more than normal. Parenting can be overwhelming at times, but just keep your head up and know that it's worth it. Think about all of the times he's made you smile and all that he's brought to your life.

Answer 3

Yes, you will be tired and stressed out. Yes it is normal. Yes, you do need to see your doctor and tell him about this. He can give you an anti-depressant and believe me it will help. Not only will it help with your stress, but depression saps us of our energy and that is very normal for many mothers so don't think of it as you being a bad mother. Unfortunately men as a rule don't have a clue what it takes to take care of a baby a house and him but rather than wait for him to do things - ask - I don't mean nag him, but when he's there and you need help just tell him what you need him to do. Men just are not as visual as women usually (I know - this is not always true) so he may not be seeing the things that really bug you.

Hang in there sweets, believe me, it does get better. One other thing. On weekends, occasionally get out by yourself for a break. Even an hour or two window shopping can make a world of difference. I will say prayers for you and your family.

God bless
fishergirl

Answer 4

This happened to me, too. You have post-partum depression. You need to see the dr. as soon as possible.

When your hus has a day off, you need to plop the baby in his lap and say, I'm going shopping. You've got to watch the baby until I get back. Take off and spend 4 hours having mani/pedi haircut.

You cannot just stay at home. You have to exercise, get involved in hobbies or a playgroup. You've got to develop relationships with other moms and other people. You need energy (which comes with exercise). The very best thing you can do for your husband and your baby is to be happy. And you're too busy being depressed right now-----Go see the dr. Go to a PSYCHIATRIST. He's the specialist in this area and can prescribe exactly the med that will pull you out of this blue funk so you can enjoy your family again!

TX Mom
not an expert
e-mail if I can help

Answer 5

I understand completely what you are going through. My husband and I wanted a baby and when I told him I was pregnant he left me. I know it is hard but you sound as if you have post partem depression.

"Many new moms feel happy one minute and sad the next. If you feel better after a week or so, you probably just had the "baby blues." If it takes you longer to feel better, you may have postpartum depression.

Postpartum depression can make you feel restless, anxious, fatigued and worthless. Some new moms worry they will hurt themselves or their babies. Unlike the "baby blues," postpartum depression does not go away quickly. Very rarely, new moms develop something even more serious. They may stop eating, have trouble sleeping and become frantic or paranoid. Women with this condition usually need to be hospitalized.

Researchers think that changes in your hormone levels during and after pregnancy may lead to postpartum depression. If you think you have it, tell your health care provider. Medicine and talk therapy can help you get well.

1. Stay active
Make time every day to do some physical activity such as walking for 10 or 20 minutes or dancing to a favorite song

2. Do something that you think is fun each day
Even though you may need to work a little more at having fun, try doing something that has always been fun such as a hobby or listening to music or watching a favorite video or TV show.

3. Spend time with people who help or support you
When you are feeling down it is easy to avoid people but you should not be alone all the time. Choose people who you can talk to or who can do your activities with you. Talk to them about how you feel. If you can’t talk about it, that’s okay.

4. Relaxing
For many people with depression, it is hard to stop feeling sad or having unhappy thoughts. Physical activity can help and so can learning to relax. Things like slow deep breathing, saying comforting quiet things to yourself, taking a warm bath or sitting and concentrating on relaxing one leg and one arm at a time can help.

5. Set simple goals
Do not expect too much too soon. Do simple things like reading only a few pages of a magazine or make one bed or fix a cup of tea or cocoa. Delay big decisions until you are feeling better. Give yourself credit for each thing you do and break work into small steps."

Answer 6

First you are not a terrible mother! I am a mom of four and seriously we all feel that way- especially your first one can exhaust you. It will get easier, but the one thing you need to listen to in your post i think is the fact that you stay at home. Unfortunately with that being the case you are tired from motherhood and your boyfriend is tired from working. Normal for both, I would say try to talk to him, but don't nag. Perhaps try saying do you want to hold the baby and feed him, or can you get the clothes out of the dryer while i cook- kind of a round about way of asking for help- but not insisting on it.

Answer 7

I was 19 when I had my first baby and I felt the same way it's okay to let the baby cry sometimes you need to throw a pillow or cry it's all new to you. You WILL be okay. It WILL get better. get out of the house go for a walk take a hot bath and the most important thig is if the baby is sleeping you should be too lack of sleep will keep you stressed out your health and you babies health are number one!! Everything will be okay I'm 29 and now have two kids.

Answer 8

It sounds like you need more support, maybe you should see if you and the baby can move back home (parents or a supportive aunt or uncle) It also sounds like you are having a hard time with emotions This does need medical attention, you are not a terrible mother it sounds like you care very much and that is what your baby needs most, however you do need more support and you do need to see a dr.

Answer 9

it is overwhelming at times, especially when you stay home. is there anyone in your family that could help you a little? or maybe a friend could watch the baby for a couple hours so you could just get out? i get out of the house alone once or twice a week and it makes a world of difference. luckily my hubby understands that i need that and he helps with everything around the house too. it probably wouldn't help going to the dr also. i went and talked to my dr about similar problems and just talking to her helped. maybe you could go talk to someone or go on some meds for a while. you could be depressed. hang in there, i know it's hard.

Answer 10

Relax it will be okay. I'm 19 and I have a baby. The first months were awful and i cried all the time because I felt like it was just me and ny husband wasn't doing all that he could. Now things are better, because I'm adjusting to my new life, and I know it will all be worth it. God Bless you and your family.