she moved in with me about 8years ago,when we found out that she was pregnant ,after 6mths or so i lost my job which i loved and had excelled in prior to this relationship,as she refused to work as she believed the mother should bring up the children not a minder,therefore worked in my own time for another company to raise the extra funds required,this lated for approx 6 mnths things were great ,then fatigue kicked in working 16 hrs some days ,returning home in the early hrs only to find that my bed was taken up by her and the baby and had the option of the floor or the sofa,after eating my evening meal which i used to stop and buy on the way home as she cant cook,or doesn't know how to ? i,would return to the house and the telly would be left on! the heating on full belt, no washing or ironing had been done for next day? no cleaning or hoovering ,dusting or mopping,! sink full of pots !she still does as she did then Watches TV all day!
2007-09-29 10:32:27 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
AR - You mentioned that he should take on some of the load around the house, so what the heck is she doing.
She does not work at all, so what is her contribution.
She needs to get a freakin job, she can do part time work and teach the children too and clean the freakin house up.
some of you guys give terrible advice.
2007-10-05 08:31:38 · answer #1 · answered by Katura N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all...
What do you do in this situation? You stop being a cry baby. It's not her fault you lost your job or stopped excelling at it!!!
Second...it's not her fault she got pregnant. That's a dual job. Both of you were contributors. And it is medically proven that a majority (not all...there are some great double income homes out there...but a majority) of children do better when one parent stays home with the child during their formative years (until grade school).
Next...why did you expect her to do all the cleaning, cooking, laundry???!!! That is also a dual responsibility thing. You should both be pitching in!
You have the attitude most men do! That a woman with a child at home just sits around watching TV all day. Not true. Raising kids is exhausting. You don't get a moment to yourself.
My advice would be to talk with your girl, and make a agreed upon schedule of chores, etc. (example...you do dishes 3 nights a week, she does it 4). Then buy her some flowers and apologize! You need to gain some respect for the woman who is the mother of your child!!!
2007-09-29 10:52:49 · answer #2 · answered by A R 1 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Are you the fiance of the gal who has been with her man for 8 years and has kids? 'Cause I just answered her question, too.
Look, you do have some very legitimate concerns here, but you have to confront her about them. If this is as good as it's going to get, you have no business being together. I'm really sorry you've brought kids into this mess before either of you had any idea of what it takes to be an adult, but now you are going to have to take control of the situation.
If what you say about her is true, she has no business having custody of the kids right now. You need to take the kids and tell her to get her act together. If she can do that, great. If not, you need to be prepared to raise your children as a single father. See an attorney.
2007-10-07 08:05:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer (solicitor) and sue her for full custody. She is obviously not interested in anything other than having you be there to pay the bills, Kick her a** to the curb and keep the kids, with the money you save on taking care of her, you can find good help for the kids AND the house if you need it!
Good luck!
2007-09-29 10:41:17 · answer #4 · answered by chefddr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You leave...what the hell do you think you do? You are supporting a leach who is sucking you dry, cares nada about you, only your pay check. She is lazy to the bone, wants to do nothing in life but be taken care of, and returns nothing. And you go after custody of the kids...they have already learned far too much from this woman to ever be good for another person..hopefully, you can gain custody and set them on a good road for success. In this state, these kids are going to be failures in life, for they already are....If the kids are hot yours, there is no child support issues, If they are yours, then support them but get them in YOUR house, not hers! Let her walk the streets to find out just what money is...at least she can lay on her back and make money...as it is, she is destroying you and the kids. Lord, I am glad I am not in your place. I rarely advise running away, but you have no choices here...she has proven over and over what she is...I wish you love and peace in life, and I mean that. Goldwing
2007-09-29 10:44:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you allowed the mother of your child to move in with you when she was pregnanat right. you lost your job but got another one she doesnt clean cook or iron your clothes,
You have enable her to become who she is and now you cant deal with it first of all she knows that you are the bread winner and should keep your house clean and do other chores around the house as well. So now its like whats the sence of having her here at all are you in love with her or only putting up with her because of the child because, it doesnt sound like your happy at all. She needs to straighten up or move on.
best of luck
2007-09-29 14:13:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A marriage is about doing things for your partner which you may not like but which you are happy to do to please the other person. Your relationship is all one way with you doing all the giving and your wife doing all the taking. Neither one of you are happy in this situation for if your wife was happy she would be doing the housework in order to make your life a little easier. You both need to get out of this situation for it will never improve.
2007-10-06 13:56:55 · answer #7 · answered by Lock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't pick and choose which ones to keep. Only the mother gets that option. You're stuck with her, to keep the kids, or you lose them all.
Try not cleaning up after her. It's easy for her to get away with that kind of lifestyle if someone always bails her out.
2007-09-29 10:41:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Photograph the house and document everything, go to court, get the kids legally and leave her, sounds like you can pay a minder and sleep in your own bed.
2007-10-07 07:00:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's obvious you are really very unhappy and in a no win situation. Get rid of her! Hire an au pair, or put the kiddies in day care! You will all be better off!
2007-10-04 18:59:57 · answer #10 · answered by CJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋