here's the deal. my wife was very insecure. anything i said about anybody like for example we were watching a movie and i said "they should have had the other acrtress play the roll i think she's more attractive" my wife freaked over stuff like that. it was just innocent stuff like that. i told her all the time she was the love of my life, did little romantic things for her. nothing was ever good enough. if i failed to be there for her in the smallest way, she freaked and said i didn't love her. i tried my best but it was like a constant test. then one time i guess i failed one too many of these tests. now she seems done with me. her mom once told me "she'll cut you out of her life in a second if you're not careful". guess what happened but i didn't do anything horrendous. it was like she was waiting for me to fail her in the smallest way. what to do? i think she's done with me but i still love her but can't be under a constant test anymore.
2007-09-29 10:16:17 · 14 answers · asked by survivor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is time to cut your losses and move forward, not into her trap again. She has a real problem, will never find happiness, and is going to take you down if you stay....there is NO WAY you can give her security, give up on it...I know it hurts terribly, I know you feel like a failure, but you are not a failure, you loved the wrong person...you loved a person who doesn't love herself! You cannot give this woman happiness in any form, no one can. Move away from the marriage, heal completely before moving out into the world..AND please, realize that you knew what kind of person this was before you married her...realize that you cannot give another person security ...they have to have that within themselves. Until you learn what to look for, look for nothing but inner peace. You do NOT need projects for lovers or wives...you need a whole person who can stand on their own feet with or without you. Only then will you find real love and happiness. Get moving, this one is no good for you...and never will be ...and in fact, will never be good for anyone! Sad, but true. Peace and love in life, Goldwing.
2007-09-29 10:38:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Sorry to hear. This sounds like a horrendous marriage to be in. Living your life under constant scrutiny, criticism, and negativity. You obviously never had a chance. Some people cannot be satisfied no matter what their partner does, or does not do. So I suggest you take control of your own life, grow a spine, and YOU cut HER loose out of YOUR life.
Find someone that can appreciate you as you are, without you needing to jump through hoops to make them happy. If you wanted to do impossible tricks for a living, you would have joined the circus. Right?
2007-09-29 10:37:26 · answer #2 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to have to tell you this, but she's been telling you it's over for quite awhile and you just didn't see it.. You really can't want to live the rest of your life trying to make this type of person happy. I doubt it's possible. She sounds like she has major personality flaws that only she can address. Let go, and give yourself a big E for effort.. Like the song goes, "ya gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em".. (Kenny Rodger's The Gambler) Well, it's time to fold em. You got dealt a bad hand and nothing more you can do.. So, try to get over her, and move on.. Life is too short to morn for the loss of somebody who didn't give a hoot about you.. Find somebody who will love you and who deserves all your love.. Good Luck..
2007-09-29 10:46:31 · answer #3 · answered by Joanie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If i were to take a guess ur dealing with a woman that has been hurt really bad in her past, someone she really loved left her possibly for another woman, or she was in a relationship that was verbally abusive and that man made her feel like she was dirt..
Insecurity issues to those that dont suffer from them can seem very trivial and very stupid.. case in point the tv show, making a comment about a different actress that u find attractive.. it seems so very innocent right? But to her it feels like just another woman she has to compete with that she cant, she knows the other woman is either younger, prettier, smarter, sexier, etc.. and she wants to be your everything, she's sooooooooooo frightened of losing u, that she thhinks that if u can even find another woman attractive that she will eventually lose u, when that woman isnt a character on tv, but any attractive woman u may see in real life.. its like a dagger to her heart every time u look at another woman, comment about another woman, talk in a "flirtatious joking way" etc.. because someone in her past who she trusted with all her heart stomped her heart into the ground .. im sure she realizes how stupid it seems to get upset about someone on tv.. im sure deep down she believes that u love her, problem is, she doesnt love herself.. and she feeds off of how u make her feel in stead of feeding off of her own self worth.. so every time u pay her a compliment, she may not really believe u in her own mind but she wants to.. so her confidence goes up alittle, the more u make her feel like she's the only girl for u, her confidence goes up.. but every time u do something that hurts her feelings, it bottoms out again..
She will hang on to every word u say, if its anything negative.. she will hear that more then she'll hear the positives.. its as though inside she's fighting against herself , theres a part of her that wants to be happy, but theres something in her keeping that from happening. The scars within that someone else caused open wider and wider with every disappointment, every negative word, every slight attention u give to another female (that she feels she cant compete with, because ones she knows she can she wont be so jealous about) .. it opens the wound more ..
It literally is like a disease that she cant control as much as she wants to , the hurt is still there.. she needs professional help to help her find her own self worth , until then she will never be able to love herself fully, and with out that she'll never be able to let anyone else love her fully.. She left because she'd rather beat u to the punch.. , she doesnt want another crushed heart , so in her mind if she leaves u first, then u cant hurt her by leaving...
Although i realize how aggrivating it is, if u love her, u need to realize that these certain things bother her, and basically keep ur comments to yourself, keep ur eyes in ur head, and basically seem as though ur wearing blinders atleast while she's around, and until she gets help.. if u love her, u'll prove to her that ur not going anywhere, the more she realizes ur not going anywhere the more she will start trusting u more, but it takes time and it means u proving to her that she doesnt have to be concerned , MORE then just saying it.. people say they love u all the time, that they will never leave u all the time, yet they do, and she knows this, so she needs actions not words..
good luck.
2007-09-29 10:33:05 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you are telling everything? I have seen men in this situation----bragging about other women in their womans presence? This is something I've seen men do and behave in front of their wife or gf and I dont understand it! Why dont men save the guy talk and bragging about other women for just that----with the guys.
Your wife will resent this behavior--it is telling her "I think others are better than you" and "other women are more attractive than you" and "your position with me is not secure."
Would you like it if your wife was always giving other men a lot of attention in front of you? If your wife is insecure, you sure are not helping the situation any by your behavior.
I think you wife loves you, but I can assure you, she doesnt like the looking and attention you give to other women. You need to talk about your marriage with real honesty----what is bugging you about the other? get things out in the open and both of you will know what is wrong and know how to fix it.
2007-09-29 10:32:40 · answer #5 · answered by skyward 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Couples therapy... It could probably help her a lot. BUT it sounds to me like she probably wouldn't go. She would have to admit that she is doing something wrong and I bet she isn't that type. Its always you right?? If you can't get her to go then what else is there to do? I would try to move on. My man does little things all the time that makes me know that he loves me. We also look at other people TOGETHER if he is comfortable enough to tell me she is pretty, there is nothing for me to worry about. I do the same with him..
maybe the best choice is to just cut ties and go find someone who doesn't have bipolar tendancies. LOL
2007-09-29 10:24:20 · answer #6 · answered by Christina 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i've got under no circumstances been married yet assume its a quickly by using fact the marriage dress comes off and on a daily basis (numerous situations an afternoon each and every time conceivable) after that. some days would be strictly bare days the place it ought to ensue every time.
2016-12-14 03:41:39 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Sorry to hear about your marriage. Marriage is a two way street. You deserve someone who loves you the same as you love her, not to mention respect. If you have tried everything you can think of on your own and she is still not happy and unwilling to change her behavior, you should try counseling. Maybe your church offers counseling for free. If not, it will be worth the cost to finally know. Good luck!
2007-09-29 10:30:28 · answer #8 · answered by lily 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Count your blessings and move on. Can you imagine 50 years of living a test and never being able to live up? She'll never be happy because she's so insecure.
2007-09-29 10:19:57 · answer #9 · answered by wld_jkr 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it is time to let her be on her way. U may love her, but how much does she love you? She keeps playing the test game, as if she wants a reason to be gone.....So be gone
2007-09-29 10:34:34 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs. J 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋