Is it really cheating if your spouse carries on with another person in an on line affair?

Question

Is it really a bad thing since they may never meet or even lay eyes on each other?

Or is it really OK since it is just something they do for entertainment, like some people get into gaming on line?

Sorry guys, but actually I am not married. I know someone who is involved with a married man on line. She knows it's wrong, but tries to justify it and has a hard time giving him up. I wanted to know what other people thought.

I wanted to have something to show her.

Answer 1

It's cheating whether it is the actual physical act or an emotional affair. They are both damaging to the relationship you have. I would be just as hurt if I knew my husband had a secret love online. The fact that the two may never meet is beside the point. Just knowing he had an emotional involvement with another woman, another that he shared things with that he could share with me, the time he spent at the computer talking it up, when it could be time we could be doing something together. What would be the attraction? To have online sex? Talk dirty? Act out fantasies? They all add up to one thing - alienation.

Besides, the person on the other end may not be looking to merely entertain themselves. That would hardly be fair to string that person along even if they say they are just amusing themselves - somebody is going to make it into something more than it is.

Answer 2

Anything that has to be kept from your spouse is a deception. It is taking energy from the primary relationship. It will hurt the partner and cause damage to the trust in a relationship. It also tends to escalate over time, sometimes rather quickly. The fantasy aspect tends to get mixed up in reality and marriages suffer. Emotional energy is taken from the marriage.

It can be dangerous to the marriage. On the net, you never really know who you are really taking to, it could be someone much older, even in the same town, just telling you their fantasy persona. The next link is a real story. The man is now charged with murder.
http://www.wired.com/politics/law/magazine/15-09/ff_internetlies?currentPage=all

Following are some links to other articles. There are more on the yahoo group site listed in sources.


http://www.shirleyglass.com/columbus.htm

http://members.tripod.com/jill_m46-ivil/betrayedspouses/id30.html

http://www.harley.com/writing/relationships-and-the-net.html

http://www.smh.com.au/news/icon/virtual-adultery/2005/08/16/1123958066357.html

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/infidelity/ht/online_affair.htm

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/emotionalaffairs/f/onlineaffairs.htm

Answer 3

Sweetheart, virtual romance is a foolish waste of time, but it is a sign that your husband needs an ego boost! He is there for one thing only, to feel "hot" about himself. Is it cheating? Probably not, but it is depriving you of his feelings, for he is writing them instead of showing them. Virtual crap is just that ...crap! But it is robbing you of the emotions he is pouring out on paper. YOU need to get busy here, gal...take a hint..he needs some attention, and in fact, he may need a lot of attention, so give it to him. Hell, open an on-line account in another name, and write to him....Do not allow anything said to upset you, for it is just made up nonsense, no matter what he writes. But you can carry on a very hot love affair on the computer, just DO NOT SET HIM UP when doing so. Make it such that you both get turned on big time, then take it out on each other....not a bad deal here. But if you are going to take offense when he says he is single, if you are going to take offense if he says he is unhappily married, don't play the game...that is exactly what all this is...a game of emotions...and sometimes, we need an emotional 'fix' that our mates cannot give us....we can give them anything BUT 'new." So be new, be fun, be sexy and wild as you want, then put down the computer and act out the love scene...that could really be hot! Good luck and peace, Goldwing

Answer 4

You must be single....because anyone who is married would know that having an on line affair is cheating...When you are sharing your emotions and feelings with another person other than your spouse...you are cheating...your spouse is the one that you should be sharing your emotions with.

WHEW!!...Glad to hear that it isn't you that is questioning if it is cheating or not....but definitely show this to her....hope she realizes it is before it is too late!

Answer 5

i have had some online affairs and they are very real and very emotional and can be very sexual..ladies there are many many married men on the net set up a profile in lavalife and see how many a re there or go to a site www.womansavers and read how to see if tey are cheating...i have been with a cheater which started on the net and lead to in person encounters over and over again before i even knew there was anotehr her in his life and trust me it hurts...yes online affaris are cheating and yes they are very real and women need to wake up to what men are capable of online...i could tell u all the classic signs to look for ...its like alot of men are looking and getting free whore service..i know a married friend who tells me (he's an online friend) how easy women give it up on the internet that u can get a woman to do most anything and there are tons of them waiting to be told how beautiful they are how special they are ect....i think i could write a book on this but ladies wake up

Answer 6

In fact, emotional affairs can be stronger and more difficult to get out of than physical affairs.
As i know some people cheating on their spouses began as emotional affairs.I had signed in sugarmommymeet.com and i learned that it is better to stop the thinking.

Answer 7

well...affairs don't always have to be physical. there are "affairs of the heart" meaning even though you aren't physically with the person, you think about them and want to be with them which some people think is just as bad.
you can even have "affairs" like this with a person that you know in real life...just because you don't "act" on it (i.e. have sex, kiss, go on dates) doesn't mean that your heart isn't elsewhere.
i guess just think about if you caught your spouse having cybersex or carrying on with love letters etc through email. even if you knew he/she would never see the person, it still hurts because they are sharing feelings and thoughts with another person that should be reserved for you.

Answer 8

Cheating with the heart is some times even worse then the actual act.. Yes how would she like it if it were her husband doing that to her?

But what goes around comes around and not always in the same form, some times even worse.

Answer 9

yes its wrong, bc when your in a relationship, especially a committed one, like marriage, not only are you only having sex with each other, but there is a emotional bond, that is only the two of you, and when you are talking to someone on the internet, you are talking to them about stuff, that should only be talked about between you and your spouse. Cheating is not just having sex.

Answer 10

Well, I am in the minority here.

I am married, with kids and occasionally have some online fun with people.

I don't consider it cheating as I only do it to have some fun, never with the thought to actually go and meet these people.

My wife knows about it (I think as I've never hidden what I was doing), and doesn't seem to care.

I honestly consider online dating as a bit of entertainment. Get a little hot chat going and have a bit of fun - nothing serious!