Run
My footsteps on the gravel
Breaks the silence in the air
Sharpe pains shoot through my body
And the wind blows through my hair
I feel the other pass me
And i bite down on my cheek
I hear my loved ones cheering
As my legs grow strained and weak
Tears have left me sightless
Growing dizzy in my head
The ache of this endeavor
Turns my arm into cold lead
I never really sought this
But i know how much you do
For you, i hurt and suffer
Limbs and fingers turning blue
My nose is leaking blood now
In my mouth, it taste like rust
I take a nasty tumble
Keeling over, bite the dust
By: K.M.P. (a.k.a. Cut Up Angel)
2007-09-29 09:18:59 · 6 answers · asked by Mary 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Corrections:
"Sharpe" should be Sharp
Arm should be plural
Other should be plural
2007-09-29 09:37:57 · update #1
Thats pretty darn good. You might want to check out writing.com, you can post there and have other writers give you advice and critiques on your work. Personally I think its very well written. Good job, keep it up.
2007-09-29 09:25:32 · answer #1 · answered by JackAcid 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very well done, that is perhaps the best one I've seen from you. I want to challenge your mind a little, see if you can write one as good about being in the womb and being born. A perspective few ever explore. Love it, you make me proud to call you friend.
2007-09-30 01:10:49 · answer #2 · answered by Dondi 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Outstanding.
2007-09-29 09:22:31 · answer #3 · answered by RIP_GOP 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were right....you sure are a poet!
Lovely!!
2007-09-29 17:05:43 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs Adorkable 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that. is. amazing. i love poetry *sigh*
2007-09-29 09:23:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a welcome change from cutting!
Beautiful.
2007-09-30 03:48:20 · answer #6 · answered by cynic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋