Finace recovering from chemotherapy masterbating...any right to be upset?

Question

My fiance and I have been together 8 years, last three of which have been spent with him in or recovering from chemotherapy treatments. I have been supportive and put my needs on the back-burner for the most part. Our sex life obviously has not been great these last three years, even though we're in our late 20's, due to the effects of his chemotherapy on his sex drive. I found out yesterday he has been masterbating to online porn. I am hurt and saddened by his confession. If we had a fullfilling sex life I would not mind him satisfying himself....but I am the one left frequently unsatisfied. (Don't get me wrong, when we do have sex it is great, we just don't do it very often.) I am ready willing and able to have sex almost anytime, anywhere. I feel like I've put my needs on hold these last few years and now that's he's back and able to get back in the game, I find out he's turning his sexual desires (which I thought were not here) to porn. Am I irrational to feel hurt by this?

Answer 1

Jenni, dear. The man has experienced the stress of his life. You have been wonderful and supportive. But he's the one who had to face his own mortality.

So, he's gettin' off....that's great. He's able to get past the trauma and do something "Normal".

It's a baby step.

Next he may feel capable of sharing intimacy. Intimacy with you will mean security. That he finally made it back. He has to be ready.

It's a huge mental acceptance, after having been the "taker" in the relationship by no choice of his own.

Of course you're hurt. You've given a lot and he's blessed to have you.

Help him along, dear. Wear something "comfortable", chill a bottle of wine, light some candles and comfort and carress him. He may not be quite ready to give. Maybe he can recieve. it's a start.

God bless you both, dear...
I think you're doing great.

Answer 2

No... I don't beleive that you are being irrational. But fact of the matter is a guy is a guy and they do that stuff.

You gotta look at it this way, at least he is not trying to get off with someone else.

But trust me when I say I know how you feel, my husband does the same thing and he is not sick!

It makes you feel that you don't have that spunk anymore!

☺

Answer 3

Destroy his computer if can not control himself. Porn destroys a mans ability to have normal sex. Porn is the destruction of many relationships and families. Porn turns men and boys into pedophiles,perverts,sickos. What I say is a FACT. Anyone who says different is dead wrong or just a plain moron. Or they are a sicko themselves. Have some self respect and leave this person.

Answer 4

I would be hurt, too.

I would have wanted him to come to me, first. If you've waited and been patient with him, helping him recover and get him back on his feet - he should think of you before he turns to porn.

Answer 5

Perhaps he has the urge, but physically, still isn't quite up to sex. Masturbating is less taxing and requires a lot less energy than having sex.

Answer 6

you have every right to be upset you need to talk to him and ask him why he was doing it instead of having sex with you. does it hurt him to have sex? maybe its easier for him to masturbate because it doesn't require much effort as sex does ,but talk to him about it

Answer 7

Everybody masturbates. Get over it.

Answer 8

You are not being irrational. That is messed up.. Its like hes turned on my crap on the internet instead of you. 8 years and he cant quit that crap to be with you.. thats nonsense. Personally I dont think my man should be masturbating to anything but me. Im sure he wouldnt like the Idea of you masturbating thinking of the neighbor..

Answer 9

He is not your husband, therefore he is not committed to you. Move out and don't go back until he marries you. Have some respect for yourself. Sex is only for married people.