He has a very attractive assistant with whom he works closely for at least 10 to 13 hours a day. Since they work similar hours, according to my husband, they are socializing together after work and on weekends. They often drive each other home after a long day and pick each other up first thing in the morning. I am very angry by his refusal to see how this is threatening our marriage. He says he likes woman companionship, he is doing nothing wrong, and I should deal with my issues. I am not accusing him of having sex with her...but he is developing an intimacy that supercedes our marriage. Because he is so stressed, I get literally 5 min. a day to fill him in on the kids and other issues at home. He just repeats that he has done nothing wrong and he needs to go out after a long grueling day and she does too. I feel like hanging up the towel as I am hurt to the core. How can he not see that he is recreating a marriage for himself away, and made me his assistant at home?
2007-09-29 07:25:51 · 17 answers · asked by Barbara T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Can you get someone to watch the kids for a weekend. Then go meet him for the weekend. You need to show your claim.
2007-09-29 07:31:46 · answer #1 · answered by Info_Please 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Life's too short for this, sweetheart. He has taken a 'work-wife' and if he hasn't already, he will cheat. Sounds like those two are doing just fine without you. Get a lawyer, lose this loser and find someone who appreciates you. You're just the icing on the cake at this point. He's got a life most men wish they had - a good-looking secretary to spend lots of time in and out of town with, drink with and probably have sex with, too. And then he has you as a backup. Take your kids and make a new life. How do you think you'll feel after five more years of this?
2007-09-29 14:32:43 · answer #2 · answered by chefboyrdp 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After working 10 to 13 hours a week with this woman, and carpooling, he feels the need to socialize with each other after work and on the weekends. As if he doesn't spend enough time with her. Worse, he refuses to acknowledge he's doing anything wrong and completely disregards your feelings. If he's not physically cheating, he certainly is emotionally. His emtional intimacy level is far higher with her than with you. You can't make him see anything or change his behavior. IMO, you need to see an attorney and get out of this failed marriage.
P.S. Not that it matters b/c what he is doing is a dealbreaker, but I would be surprised if he WASN'T physically intimate with her as well as emotionally. This thing quacks like a duck...
2007-09-29 14:32:59 · answer #3 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I mean no harm at all but I am a female and sort of going thru the same thing except my husband always works and hardly at home, takes me no where and never spends time with the kids he tells me I am crazy to think he is cheating but I feel it in my core. To say all that what I have come to realize if you have to continue to tell a man who promised better or worse about something that is apparently hurting you, he is not the one to spend your life with. As woman we give the men in our lives to many opportunitues to hurt us. He has no business spending that much time with the opposite sex and one that is attractive, that can only lead to trouble. She is trouble and doesnt respect boundaries. What is up with her. There is no way I would carry on with a man that is married that way. Be silent and just keep watching the truth will reveal itself.
2007-09-29 20:47:13 · answer #4 · answered by peter 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baloney! You need to tell him that you don't buy any of that garbage. Even if there isn't a sexual relationship going on, which is doubtful, there's no doubt that he is spending too much time with cutie pie and not enough time as a husband and father. He has a commitment to you and your children that he is not honoring.
Don't take no for an answer, but insist that you seek counseling or that he stops this behavior immediately. Be prepared, though, to have him choose his free and easy life with this unspeakable hussy (do they still use that word?). As heartbreaking as it is, you may be in for a rough road. Don't back down, though. A family is worth preserving, and he's not doing it, so it's up to you. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
2007-09-29 14:39:56 · answer #5 · answered by Cheryl G 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Start hiding assests and get you a GREAT lawyer.He sounds like he is doing alot more than unwinding with her.I worked long hours and was away from home some and the only thing I wanted at the end of the day was to see my Son and hold my wife.Hide the money,get a lawyer.Good luck
2007-09-29 14:33:09 · answer #6 · answered by notagain49 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let him know that you have long hard days too and that you would like to join them one night for an evening out. Make sure attractive assistant knows you exist.That will sometimes give HER the conscience and remind your husband that he needs to go home. Trust me, it happens. I was the assistant once myself. She needs to know you are there. Even if she knows he is married, sometimes work whisks you away to another world and the "wife at home" doesn't seem so real.
2007-09-29 14:41:39 · answer #7 · answered by sunniedispo28 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you are going through this. No one can say for sure but everything indicates he is having at least an emotional affair if not an all out sexual affair.
You need to talk with him maybe with someone else there whom he trust. Be very calm no matter how he responds and tell him he needs to decide what he wants. He either wants her or his family. If he chooses her he must move out.
Be prepared he could move out but you will at least know.
You are in my prayers.
2007-09-29 14:35:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know he wouldnt like it if it was vice versa. Theres nothing anyone can say because he's gonna do what he wants to do. That kind of intimacy leads to more, and i know that you know this. Why is he so far away from home?
2007-09-29 14:42:32 · answer #9 · answered by JUDAS RAGE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is your typical cheating situation. hes cheating on you thats why he doesnt care how you feel about it. hes probaaly falling for her and doesnt care what you think. men dont get that close to woman after work and on weekends as friends. open your eyes. every cheater lies and always says nothing is happening when it is. dont be a fool. im a guy and know that very well. i bet the ranch hes been boning her, and hes lying when he tells you different, stick to your gut instinked and do what you have to do about it.
2007-09-29 14:33:57 · answer #10 · answered by yowuzup 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't get it, because he wants to keep doing it. If he refuses to stop seeing this woman after work, separate from him. Stop talking to him all together. I would tell him that if his marriage is important to him, he needs to find another job closer to home and he needs to stop seeing this other woman or I would divorce him. He is cheating on you.
2007-09-29 14:32:58 · answer #11 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋