I feel betrayed...am I overreacting?

Question

Ok, my husband and I have been having issues for a year or so now and we had a really good talk and a getaway and worked things out. I've recently found out that he confided to a GIRL friend of mine absolutely everything that we were dealing with--details that I would never have wanted anyone to hear. I am so humiliated and since we live in a small town, I feel like everyone knows. He calls this girl his best friend and says that since I wouldn't be emotionally intimate with him, that he had to connect with someone. I don't trust him anymore. I'm embarassed. I feel like everyone knows. Am I overreacting? How do I let this go? What should I say to him? He's made me feel as if this is my fault.

Answer 1

That depends. Has he been intimate with her? While there is nothing wrong with having a woman friend you confide in, there is when his reasoning behind it is to blame you. That's cold. While I would be seriously peeved if he threw that in my face, I wouldn't have a problem with him having a woman confidant. Sometimes guys listen to women to figure out women.

So, you tell him how you feel about it, without overreacting, yelling, etc. Be calm. Tell him you do not appreciate him blaming everything on you to justify his friendship. After that is said and done, you need to work out your bigger issues...why aren't you two working out and why does he say you aren't intimate with him.

And, taking a trip to get away doesn't solve the problem. You have to come back and still face your issues. Good luck.

Answer 2

No, you are not overreacting. You have right to feel hurt. How can you be emotionally close to someone you don't trust. Trust is the number one important thing in a relationship. You must be able to tell your partner anything and know that it will always be between the two of you and never go any further. My husband did this to me several years ago. He hurt me so much it was almost the end of our marriage. We went to a marriage counselor and it took some time but we did work things out and he then understood why I felt so hurt and betrayed. In front of the counselor I told him how he made me feel and for the first time he really listened. Once he understood it, he felt really bad. It is just so important that the person who betrays you really hears your hurt and understands it. Please get help with this. My husband and I are happier now than we ever were. This happened 12 years ago and I am so glad we got help and decided to stay married. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

You don't say how long you've been married, but I'm going to assume it is less than 5 years. If you've been having 'issues' for over a year, perhaps it is time to move on. You say that you don't trust him anymore and you're humiliated. IMHO, this guy of yours is playing you. I wouldn't be surprised if he hooked up with your pal for some 'emotional support'. I've been married twice and the first time around I played the same game and kept female 'buddies' close. You are not overreacting. Wash your hands of this relationship and move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Get out of that small town and see some of this big, beautiful world. Best move I ever made.

Answer 4

Well love he was totally out of line and violated the code of ethics! Don't consider that girl friend of yours a friend because her noisey a## should've nipped the conversation and not listened to him and told you right away what he was trying to say and imply! Furthermore screw what the small town thinks! Don't indulge in any conversation about it why because at this point the damage is done! Whatever you feel the problem is in your marriage try and solve it with prayer and open up the lines of communication and let him know that you would like for the matters of the heart and anything further in your marriage to stay between you and him! Don't feel embarrassed and when you talk to him speak with clarity and confidence! Confidence that you know within your self worth! Meaning if he finds the need outside this conversation ever again the clarity of you meaning anything to him comes loud and clear! You don't have to say alot to make your point, and you don't have to say much of anything to see where he's coming from! Meaning if he runs his mouth and make a mochary of what you said he don't give care and he's self centered and there's no more you can say and that will say for itself what you need to do! Screw what people think also! This is about you and him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh one other thing don't say anything to anyone about the situation either! Because that would show that you care what people think and your not suppose to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The only person matters is your husband! As for that girlfriend, check her and tell her, know your place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's all you have to tell her and she'll get the point once you distance yourself from her and work on your marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

Let me get this straight ......you feel betrayed because your husband reached out to another women (in no way other than friendship) because YOU wouldn't meet his emotional needs? Well, just like you expect your husband to love you and treat you like a princess he needs you to think he's wonderful, is a hard worker, tries to be a good husband, and is in general a great person. So sorry this is gonna sound harsh since I'm sure it was unintentionally that you neglected him but sweetie the only one that betrayed you was you. Stop focusing on him meeting your needs and meet his needs then when his needs are met he will begin to meet yours. And don't expect so much from him and nag him when he doesn't do everything you ask to your expectations. You need to apologize to him ask him how you can meet his emotional needs and write him a letter of everything you respect about him. One of the two of you needs to step up and make this marriage work the real question is are you mature enough to be that person who put all hurt behind them and moves forward. Good Luck and try reading Love and Respect by Emmerson Eggrich.

Answer 6

Trust is all in my relationship! To my boy friend (i Am) his best friend.I do not think you are overreacting! Some things need to stay behind closed doors. Don't be embarrassed, be glad you found out what a loud mouth he is! Tell him from the heart what you are feeling,then listen to him and then decide if he is the one? Good Luck~

Answer 7

It's called emotional infidelity. It's not your fault, he's the one who betrayed your trust. He's got no business sharing intimate details of your relationship with another woman or anyone else for that matter. I would be livid too. You should be his best friend. I would tell him to stop this relationship with her now. If he doesn't I would kick him to the curb. You have every right as his wife to tell him to stop talking to her. He should have no best girlfriends when he is a married man.
He is the guilty one!

Answer 8

I had the same problem with my husband. I told him some things and he promised he would never tell anyone. But then I found out that one time during a fight he told EVERYONE in his whole family because he needed to talk to someone. What's done is done. I have learned to never tell him anything that I wouldn't want everyone to know.

Answer 9

Its not cool for guys to be friends with girls period. And vice versa. Its bad mojo. Work through it and put a stop to it permanently - its all about respect. That girl is moving in on him. There is an emotional bond and that is a kind of cheating. Don't beat him up for it. Just go work it out...

Answer 10

I'd definitely let him know how much this bothers you. Tell him to talk to YOU about things rather than his best girlfriend and maybe the two of you can be emotionally intimate. As far as what other people think, don't worry about it.