My husband is friends with his ex girlfriend. This doesn't bother me so much except he talks to her everyday and tries to hide it from me. On our honeymoon he told me how he wants to go and see her and her friends from their past relationship. The worst part is when i do find their emails or texts there is never any mention of me. I know she knows i exist (thanks to myspace) but i wish he would say something about me. I have asked him to stop talking to her before and he would just hide it. They don't have kids. She cheated on him when he was in Iraq, but he stil wants to be friends with her because she is his first love. Am I overreacting? Please Help!
2007-09-29 01:59:37 · 28 answers · asked by Sarah G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not a matter of being insecure or whether you relationship is solid or not. It's downright disrespectful and NO, you are not overreacting. You have every right to feel the way you do. I am sure you have spoken to him many times about this many times. If he wanted to "remain in contact with her" on such a regular basis why didn't he marry her? You are now his wife!! He needs to take care of his unfinished business by cutting ties with her. If they see each other on the street they can greet each other but that's it. He needs to move on. Give him an ultimatum.
2007-09-29 02:10:06 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Mandeville 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think that you are overreacting. The question is why would he want to have anything with her after what she's done to him. I think the reason he's not saying anything bout you is because there in there own little world and your not what he thinks about when he's talking to her. What are some things that they talk about? are they sexual, friendly...? He sounds like a jerk to me and you seem like a rebound from his past relationship, and what kind of honeymoon you had, i'm so very sorry you have to hear about his ex. If i were you i'd keep a close look out on what they talk about because there seems to be something fishy going on if he has to hide it and whatelse is he hiding and keeping from you. I don't know about you but i'd kick his *** to the curb
2007-09-29 02:09:50 · answer #2 · answered by pumpkin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DUMP HIM. The talking everyday and hiding it just plain sucks. You sound very nice ---- too nice. NO--you are not overreacting and don't let him tell you that you are.
What kind of jerk would discuss his ex on your honeymoon? I'm sorry but you really married a loser, dear.
Personally, I don't think even marriage counseling will help. This guy is still "emotionally married" to his ex girlfriend.
What happened is she cheated on him. So his ego got hurt and he dumped her to "save face". And might have married you for "revenge" on her. Now he's getting the hots back for her. He doesn't know what MARRIAGE means or what it means to have a WIFE.
Get some help for yourself ... i.e. counseling. Get a handle on this thing. Do what you can, but my guess is that you would be better off without him. I hope you don't have any kids with this jerk or that you intend to have them ... it will only make it worse.
2007-09-29 02:18:34 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No you aren't overreacting. He is married to you and he and she shouldn't be talking every day like that. they both seem to have pushed you under the rug. And disregarding your feelings. He is being a jerk.. It is never in my opinion a good idea to be friends with your ex when you already have a husband/wife. It causes way to much drama.. If it were me i would confront this woman and let her know she is stepping on your toes, remind her she had him and cheated and she lost out..You very much need to tell your husband if it continues 2 can play at that game. I am a firm believer in what you can do i can do better. And i hope i am wrong , but it sounds a little fishy he still wants to be that close to her. I would keep a close eye on this situation. It dosen't sound at all right.
2007-09-29 02:17:23 · answer #4 · answered by sweetemtation_123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he needs to grow up! What a weenie he is. Why did he even marry you if he was still in love with her. You do not keep emailing and talking to an ex- (especially every day) unless you are still in love with her. YOu need to tell him very clearly -- he needs to decide -- either he puts all his attention into his WIFE, or he goes back to his cheating ex-girlfriend, and you will take everything he has in a divorce. The fact is, even if he is not sleeping with her (which he very well could be), he is having what is called an emotional affair with her. Those are even more damaging than a purely physical affair, because the emotional affairs involve the heart.
Sorry to say, but be prepared to divorce him. He was not at all ready to get married!
2007-09-29 02:07:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not overreacting. Your husband is basically "cheating" on you in a way. This problem of his has now become your problem too and that is not fair to you since you are his wife. There is nothing wrong with remaining friends with your "ex" but not the way he is doing it and leaving you and your name out of conversations and such. You really should have a talk with your husband before this becomes an issue in your marriage. He really needs to let go and be with you. (smile)
2007-09-29 02:06:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I wouldn't say you are overreacting. I would probably be uncomfortable with the whole situation myself. I guess there isn't much you can do about it since you asked him to stop and then he just hid it from you. I would stay on my toes tho. I don't care if it is his first love, he needs to let go. If they are just communicating thru myspace or emails, stay on your toes. If they are communicating via the phone or in person, tell him that is not acceptable and that you are uncomfortable with it and you think it should stop. He should be more respectful of your feelings. Good Luck
2007-09-29 02:05:32 · answer #7 · answered by MommaSchmitt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you really know how this is feeling for you.
For me...NO you are not overreacting at all. She might be his first love, we all have em, but you are his current love and his wife. It wouldnt bother me either, if not for the feeling he is hiding her and what they are saying/doing.
Sit him down, tell him you love and respect him, and also that you trust him. But, being friends with his ex just isnt right. Wether he cheats on you or not, they are over! And he shouldnt be putting you thru this.
Tell him how this is effecting you. So he is well aware of what this is doing to you, and your marraige together. If he doesnt seem to care what this is doing to you, end it! I really dont believe in divorce usually, but it seems as if he is doing something deceitful and morally wrong.
Talk to him.
2007-09-29 02:08:55 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not overreacting. He doesn't respect you are the relationship that he has with you. It's obvious he is going to continue to talk to his ex. You can either stay and be miserable, leave or talk to your ex.
He doesn't want to talk about you when he's talking to her. She knows you exists but she doesn't care. If your husband doesn't care, why should she? He's not going to leave her alone regardless of what she did to him while he was in Iraq.
2007-09-29 02:38:04 · answer #9 · answered by KSR 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe in friendships with our ex BUT .....something is not quite right in your situation. I don't like the 'reason' he's giving you for wanting to be friends with her. Talking to her every day is too much. Wanting to visit her and their common friends on your honeymoon was....improper. The fact that he never talks about you isn't good news either. One good news though, in their mail there isn't mention of an affair going on. I am friends with my ex-husband but his wife is included in our friendship and he talks about her and their children all the time. It's very tricky to keep an ex in our life as a friend...it has to be done in a mature way with no one feeling left out. Your husband is jeopardizing is marriage in the name of that friendship....he needs a reality check on who's suppose to come first.
2007-09-29 02:17:51 · answer #10 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋