What are some of your favorite funnny sayings you have heard over the years?

Question

Mine are: Kiss my grits, Whatever bangs your shutters, Don't let the screen door hit you on the way out, If what you have to say will add to the silent then by all means say it.

Answer 1

the good lord put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. right now, i'm so far behind, i can never die.

shut yer piehole

Answer 2

Well, when someone would say the bad version of the word spit, my grandma would reply 'spit fire and save the matches'

Or when I wanted something really bad and begged her she would say 'spit in one hand and hold out the other and see which one fills up first' (spit being a substitute for another word)

Or if i said I might do something, she would say 'Mites on a chickens ask' (ask substituted for another word)

Or when my jerk of an aunt would leave, she would mumble under her breath 'don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.'

Answer 3

Back in the early 60s "hairy man hairy" was used meaning great. I had baked a coconut cake with roasted coconut on top. When I brought it to the table my brother said "That's a hairy cake man."
I did tell my children at times "I'll break your arm off and beat you about the head and shoulders with the bloody end of it." They knew I was kidding. They would say things like "No you won't, I'll bleed on the carpet."

Answer 4

Dumber than a bag of nails
The lights are on but nobody's home
Good God! You look like a quarter to dead!
No **** Sherlock
You look like something the cat drug in after the dog buried it.
Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Answer 5

Thank god I'm an atheist
As much use as a one legged man at an ar se kicking contest
As much use as ti ts on a bull
So useless he cant fart and chew gum at the same time

Answer 6

No sh-t Sherlock
In a pigs a--
Time flies when you are having fun
"Flexibility" ARC style , this one I know you know!!!
Tighter than a bulls a-- at fly time
When donkey's fly
Hot damn!
Go sh-t in your hat!
Elevators not reachin the penthouse
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer
keep knockin, and there is no one home
sharp as a pillow

Answer 7

Mine is "well horse feathers".
My grandma's was "well flitter".
My other grandma would say when some one would pass gas "ripe me off a yard of that".
My dad's is "you old damn"
and also he says "L no I won't" (the L sounds like hel*.
At work when we make a noise as in dropping something we say "save the pieces" or "HELLO".

Answer 8

my very favorite is one my first husband used to say when he was trying (and failing) to make some household repair:
"leave me be! I'M milkin' this duck!"

addendum: I just remembered another- my dad,in a restaraunt w/me,my husband and my 2 kids - my son having too much soda and bouncing off the walls....Dad looked at my son and said, in his best alabama twang,"Boy,you'd skeer the worms outten the fields!"

Answer 9

My Grandpa used to say this at table.
Yes ma' mm no ma' mm, thank you ma'mm please.
Turn up the duck's but and pour me out some peas.

My sister would freak out if she knew I put this in print! LOL!

Answer 10

My Father was fond of saying (but NEVER doing) :
I'll show you the hairy side of me hand!
(Spanking!)

My Mother would say:
I'll smack the back o' yer legs till there round the front!

Either I was the most miss-behaved child ever or my parents were child abusers!!!