My best friend came over to my house everyday for a week crying about her boyfriend who treats her really bad. Me and my husband put our own plans on hold to be here for her when she was upset. We tried to tell her he is no good for her, but she doesn't want to leave him. Now they made up and she acts like everything is totally normal. Me and my husband are kinda mad that he made her that upset that we disrupted our lives to help her, and now she acts like it never happened and wants to invite him when she is hanging out with me. I don't really want to be around the jerk. How am I supposed to handle this?
2007-09-27 23:19:30 · 20 answers · asked by honeybear 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I'm not mad cause we helped her, just that we put so much effort into helping her for her to just act like nothing happend and everything is fine now. We gave up our only "date night" without the kids so she could come over and cry half the night about him. Maybe next time I will try to be there for her without giving up our plans.
2007-09-27 23:43:55 · update #1
First you must realize that not exhibiting feelings of animosity is a show of total character! Maturity also reflects in your behavior towards others also. After living life for a long long time on this planet you come to realize that no matter how much you may not like someone, they are still a human being and they are still deserving of respectful emotions no matter how bad they are. It takes alot of character to behave this way but predominately you will face many many people like this in life so use this to your best advantage and get used to being civil now so it won't be so hard on you later in life when the going gets really tough. And believe me it will.
2007-09-27 23:24:58 · answer #1 · answered by soniaatcalifornia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he obviously has her twisted around his little finger. People who are on the outside looking at the relationship would see it as being stupid of her acting like nothing happened. But in her eyes, she loves him, she can't live without him, she'll never find anyone else...so as soon as they make up she thinks everything is peechy keen. I say that you be pleasant to him if you ever see him, but try to avoid being around him as much as possible. If you are mean to him your friend will get upset with you & then in the end she will pick her boyfriend over you. Since you don't want to ruin a friendship, just act pleasant around him. The next time she wants to come over & cry I think it's fine for her to do that (it's kinda good that she knows she can go to you in a crisis), but don't change your plans because of her drama.
2007-09-28 08:16:14 · answer #2 · answered by italian_princess_oc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That always happens with bad relationships. Sometimes it's a constant thing, sometimes the friend figures it out. Be polite but you don't have to be friendly. It is up to you how uncomfortable he makes you what you do, but for me I would try to hang out with her only one-on-one/ ask her not to bring him if you make plans for the TWO of you to hang out. But if I was having a party I'd probably invite them both, unless he had done something totally unforgivable, like hitting her or a pet of hers.
You could try talking to your friend and telling her that you are still upset about the way he treated her and you need time to cool off. Most people get over being treated poorly themselves faster than they get over their friends being treated badly. Also, people often tell their friends what pisses them off about their partner, and not the good things that their partner may do. Not to say that this guy may not be a total jerk.
As far as your friend goes, if this happens again be supportive but set limits- don't drop all your plans for her, but do tell her that you care about her.
2007-09-28 06:59:04 · answer #3 · answered by randomtxt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your best friend seems to be treating you and your husband as a crutch. I assume she's a grown woman so, she needs to deal with her own problems. It's very nice that you are supportive but ... don't give up your own "date night". You've already told her that her boyfriend is wrong ... what else can you do. And yes, you remain respectful to him. It would be a mistake to enter too much into someone else's relationship. Just maintain hope that she finally see's the light and move's on.
2007-09-28 06:58:19 · answer #4 · answered by Nathan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is her choice. She will see sense at one stage or another If the relationship is emotionally abusive she has fear for leaving him will call it love but it is not it is fear.
She needs a friend Not a judge.
My friends had the same issue with me for a while. Yet without her support I would not have had the guts to walk out. They never wavered in the friendship it gave me courage and strength when I needed it
2007-09-28 06:25:45 · answer #5 · answered by MissE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With diplomacy, that's the word. Unfortunately is a known truth that whenever a friend is completely head over heels for someone, just won't listen to any truths. You don't have to be best friends with the guy, just be diplomatic and polite. Your friend will eventually see things for herself but if you interfere, she'll just hang on more to him. I don't know why is that but it's human nature. You are a good friend.
2007-09-28 06:26:45 · answer #6 · answered by reginab140498 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, eventually you're just going to have to tell her "you made the choice to stay with him, so don't keep coming & crying to us unless you are really willing to do something about it". You should also just tell her point blank that while she is welcome in your house, he isn't. Maybe you'll sound like a jerk, but all you are doing now is enabling her to stay with this guy.
You may end up losing your friend, but it sounds like she's already starting to test your friendship already.
2007-09-28 06:25:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should not be angry because you helped her. That is what friends are for. If you want to spend time with your friend, you will have to respect the fact that he is part of her life. If the situation continues to many times, then you will just have to tell her that you can not see her, because you can not respect her decision to stay with him, and cool the friendship.
2007-09-28 06:27:10 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh this happened to me....my best friend of 20 years got with this gut who we both knew wel..he hit her..controlled her and spent all the monry they had....then she'd come crying to me and Id advise her to leave him..she would then go back to him and act like nothing had happened....in the end I refused to comment...I told her Id listen but not advise....it went on for two years and now they seem to have fixed things....I would advise you not to comment. Its hard but the only other choice is to dump her.
2007-09-28 06:26:00 · answer #9 · answered by Daisyhill 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes because I know that i will make my best friend very happy to know that I am trying to like him.
2007-09-28 06:47:00 · answer #10 · answered by billie e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋