If you had a history with someone and it wasn't that great?

Question

If you had a history with someone and it wasn't that great?

when you see them again years later and you've found a new attraction to them physically, their confidence their swagger. Would you try again or would you keep the grudge which wasn't that great at all.

Hence, she bruised my ego severely in the sexual department years ago... made me feel less of a man

Answer 1

You don't say if they have lead you to believe that their personality has changed for the better.

I've had a train wreck and a distant pursuit.

The train wreck was somewhat manipulative, lacked tacit, and was rather brusque. She also would never slow down for anyone and would do her own thing her own way and if you were in her way she would go through you. She hurt me. Physically she hasn't changed that much from what I occasionally hear about her, but then again she always looked good. She was always outwardly confident, inwardly is a different story. The break up was bitter and harsh. Some while ago she contacted me on her own wondering if she could see me for a visit. I told her yes but she needed to understand that I didn't think I could be just a friend to her. This pissed her off and we haven't spoken since. She may be thinking about changing but she hasn't done enough of it yet. I know that I have changed since I was last with her, I have become more discerning and kinder, but I won't let people walk over me. She also had taken up some habits that I was none too keen about.

The distant relationship: I chased, and chased, and chased, and kept running into a wall with her. Eventually this ended when she and I both moved away and our contact has been rare at best. I do still have access to some info from her and have seen that she has blossomed very nicely and may have a similar mental wavelength to me now. However there is also the not so unreal possibility that she is doing some things that I would find unacceptable so I have to consider how I match with her and how she matches with me if I even wanted to try. Also, while it would be good for me professionally to date her, or at least get on her good side, (I hope to be a writer and she works for a publishing company), I also have to consider the distance between us and the complications that it would bring.

In short, I'm picky.

I think that you have to look and see if the character of the woman is one that you want to deal with. Just because a person looks good and acts more confident doesn't mean that their personality has changed in how kind they are and it seems she insulted you awhile back so:
1. Can you look past that insult?
2. Would she do it again?
3. Is she even worth it?

I hope this helps.

Answer 2

i think it would depend if i felt they purposelty hurt me years ago, knowing what they were doing, or if it was accidental ,
also, it takes much more then just attraction to someone to make a relationship work, you must also like and admire them for their personality, so even if you felt the wrong done to you was unintentional, you would have to see if there was enough depth to the person to interest you
if the wrong done was intentional, do you feel they have really changed that much? so that it or similar things wont happen again
either way, sometimes it does take "goin back for seconds" before we feel sure that something wont work