If you were friends with a couple and the husband asked your husband to borrow 1k?

Question

but asked hubby to keep it a secret from you and his wife, but hubby is good and keeps no secrets from u so u know and the wife of the guy who asked for the money tells u she's going on holiday with her kids to visit family in the near future (Min cost 10k), so obviously has money, would you wonder why on earth she can't give that money to her husband instead of him asking friends to borrow money? Would you find you rlationship strained? Would you confront them or walk away? It has already been made your business so you can't ignore it, you were dragged into their problems. You DIDN'T lend the money nor did u be guarantor for the loan the husband took out and asked hubby to be. There are so many things that pee me off about the situation like her hubby lying to her and keeping secrets, pleading poverty to us but planning this holiday, subjecting a so called friendship to emotional strain all because of money (& a few other things have happened that made us unhappy too). What wud u do?

Answer 1

Well I think you have lost them as friends whether you lend the money or not. Personally I wouldn't lend it to them, Something 'smells' somewhere. Beware!

Answer 2

Hi there SEJ71, I have learnt the hard way never to lend or borrow money, even to friends. Too many times money can be the break up of friendships. If they are true friends, they will not take it personally if you say that you cannot lend them the money. Friendship isnt about money! Judging by what you have said, the husband sounds deceptive, so I wouldnt trust him completely. Maybe he does not want his wife to know about the loan, because he has something else going on; he could have got himself into debt. But then again, it could be anything, therefore, there is no point in guessing.
I would not confront them, I would continue to be friends with them, but I would not let their problems become mine. I would be there to give advice and sympathy if anything goes wrong, but that would be as far as I would go. Maybe your husband should have a quiet word with the husband and say that he hasnt got the money to lend, that he does not and cannot keep secrets from you.
See how the friendship goes, and once they have learned that you are not going to become emotionally involved in their problems and deceit, you will see what sort of friends they really are. If they continue to make you and your husband unhappy, then maybe it is time to end the so called friendship. True friends would not put you through that!
I wish you all the best! :o)

Answer 3

Letting friends borrow money is usually asking for trouble if you expect to get it back. It is different if you know they are stuggling, and in my personal situation we were asked if a friend could borrow about 5o bucks for some diapers, wipes and milk. Instead of just giving them the money, luckily we had it, my husband took her husband to the store and purchased what they said they needed. We did get the money back, but what was supposed to be back to us on payday, (about a week later) we didn't get back for about 6 months. 10, 20, even 50 bucks if a far cry from 1k. Sometimes borrowing even small amounts can ruin a friendship. I couldn't imagine loaning someone 1k, even if I did have it. I agree with the other answers, something is going on, with her taking vacation and him asking to borrow money, it could be as simple as the vaca is costing too much for him to stay home and make it with the bills and groceries, or he has debt that she is unaware of. I would not let him borrow it unless you can truly afford to lose the money forever, because you never know if and when you will get it back.

Answer 4

What pissing you off isn't the money. It's the husband's deceptive nature and his lying. Something is very wrong here. It's only your business as far as loaning him money. Don't do it. He obviously can't be trusted. The rest is up to his wife. If you've seen signs of his deceptive nature, so has she but she has just chosen to ignore it. That says something (albeit different) about her. She doesn't really want to face the way he is and probably won't appreciate you telling her about it. You'd be doing her a favour, but don't expect her to thank you for it. You'll be the bad guy at the end of it all.

Answer 5

He asked to borrow money and put you in an awkward situation, I understand. People are different, and you are angry because he has done something you would never do, but I think you may be overreacting to this. If you don't want to lend the money, say no. If you don't like that he asked you, it's your right. But ending the friendship because of it, seems too much. It's not as if he stole the money from you. He may not normally be this way, but could be under a lot of stress. He may not want her to know how deeply they are in debt. And she doesn't seem to be too bright, since she is so oblivious to it, but it's their relationship, not yours. Don't say anything.

Answer 6

How long have you known them for? Long enough to know their little domestic fights? their financial situation? If they've gone on holiday before? If they got into financial trouble before? If they know someone else they can borrow money from?

How well do you know them? If they are lying to you? Which one is lying to you? The husband or his wife?

Ask the wife where on earth she gets the money to go on holiday like that...jokingly..passingly.. Tell her you wish you could go on a holiday like her and to tell you how you can save up to afford it. She might spill the beans.

If her husband does not want you to know, that your husband is lending him money:There is something fishy there.

Perhaps he cannot afford it but has promised his wife the trip. She has no clue on financial situation. And as the wives are good friends, he might be scared that she would find out thru you. possibility.

Play safe. Get her view on financial situation of her family and about the trip.

Ask your husband to ask the man, why he should not tell you.

Answer 7

Confront her husband and ask him why, say everything you just said. Let him clean the slate and go to his wife and if he doesn't than you talk to her. If it was innocent, then he won't have a problem being confronted about it. Your husband and you have a friendship to hold with this man and his wife and he should not have been deceitful in the first place. That's what I would do and if he's a jerk about it, then whatever, screw em. I mean sheesh it's not like he was asking for 10 bucks or something.

Answer 8

Secrets are not good in a marriage, especially secrets including money. I wouldnt do it. If the husband is hiding something bad(debts, gambling problem) it would look bad on you if the wife found out.

Answer 9

If I were you I would "accidently" drop it into conversation with the wife and leave it at that. Although the husband made it your business by asking, you refused so now it shouldn't really be any of your business. Leave it to them to sort out themselves, it might be that you risk losing them as friends but at the end of the day, who needs friends like that?

Answer 10

Don't make their problems your problems, you can offer them support but make it clear it wont be financial.

Lending money to close friends or being a co-signer can lead to big problems in the future so I agree a BIG NO to that. If they cut off ties then all you have lost is friends not your home or credit rating.

Answer 11

Have nothing to do with others financial affairs. This is definitely dodgy. He is probably in debt up to his eyeballs, and it will difficult to get the money back. He has probably borrowed to the hilt to give his wife the lifestyle she wants, and maybe she hasn't a clue what is going on.