I'm in love, but I think it's wrong can you help me?

Question

I'm in love with a amazing man who treats me with alot of love and respect and is just wounderfull I have known this guy for about a year now and feel really comfortable with him but the catch is that I'm married and I don't know how to deal with this I have been trying to stop my-self feeling this way and I mean I've done everything I can think of coz I knew that I made a promise infrount of god on my wedding day but I think I was too young to truly understand what that ment, I was only 19 at the time of our wedding and felt like I need to do the right thing by my then 1 year old child, But our life together makes me verey unhappy. My husband has been out of work for 4 years now a will not go out and look for 1 and now that we have two children he needs to work, I want to do the right thing by my children and thier father but I feel like I'm the 1 that's giveing up stuff and not my husband should I leave and try to move on with my life?

To all thoes people who have been so quick to juge me let me tell you that unless you have been in a marige that is hurtfull and sometimes vouilent then don't think that you have a right to tell me that I'm complettly to blame I h8 my-self for what I've been doing and have been wish that I was dead and all you can do is be nasty this just goes to show that not meany people care so why on earth would you answer other poeples questions if you don't care!! but on the other hand thank you to anyone who has taken me in to acount

Answer 1

I think its a very difficult situation for U. But the best thing would be to treat this as two separate problem even though its interrelated.

First if U are unhappy and no way to mend the marriage, get a divorce. After divorce think about this man if he is the right person. I dint think you should jump on him. You in a bad situation and anyone showing a little sympathy will look very good and you will fall easily. Pl take you time, you dint want to be in a similar situation one more time. Once is already too much.

Those who is calling her cheater should think twice. She has not mentioned anything about actually having s.. She just fell for this guy. Sometimes U can not help yourself. So think before U start calling names!!

Answer 2

I feel bad that your marriage isn't doing well, but I would advise you to just ask for a divorce. Anyone who has been cheated on would tell you that they would rather know the truth and end a marriage than be cheated on. All this will create is a bunch of drama and anger on all sides.
Your husband sounds like a very lazy person...and he must be since he doesn't have a job, and if he can't even work on getting a job, I assume he doesn't work on your relationship either. Get rid of him, if he doesn't want to, too bad. Don't feel sorry for him...just move on.
Oh, and don't jump from the fire into the flames. Be by yourself after the divorce. Don't move in with your new beau. Be a single girl, find YOURSELF again, and make sure you really love this new guy, and not just the "feeling" of being in love and cared about, which can confuse you, especially when you are being neglected.
Good Luck, don't cheat, just get a divorce or seek counseling.

Answer 3

Okay, these are two separate issues.

1.) What you have been doing is called cheating. It's not right, it's never right, and you should stop doing it. End of story.

2.) If you are truly unhappy being married to your husband, and you and your husband have worked on it and can't make it right, then I think you should get a divorce. It's a hard decision to make, but only you can make it.

Answer 4

dont justify yourself for doing something wrong........
its your own gut feeling that tells you that its wrong....
follow it and then you will be happy....
since you have been abused in the marriage you might be feeling like taking a revenge.... dont do it.... it will hurt only you.
what you are facing is nothing more than a temptation...
i am not suggesting you to keep facing that abuse....

start thinking this way....

what if this new guy was never there in your life.....
then.... is your married life so miserable/unhappy that you will break your marriage?? and stop trying working out things..??

even if you decide to move on dont see him directly....
give yourself time to see what you have left behind and what you want from life?

and remember that if that guy is soooo caring and loving then he will only help you with your marriage and children not break them for his benefit.... start judging people not by what they give but what they are taking away from you :)

Answer 5

NEVER marry a man who won't work. Go on with your life without that loser and be happy that you've finally found love. UNLESS he is already married. If he is, I'd be tempted to reach through this computer and snatch you bald-headed.

And Texasm, Honey~ I can relate to this lady. I was married twice & I think she married a duplicate of my ex. He was an evil, abusive SOB that wouldn't get his a@@ up to go to work until my Daddy came over one day with a very final ultimatum for him. He resented having to work, etc., thus the divorce. BTW, I reread what you posted last night about obsessive jealousy just before this and I swear to God, I laughed until I thought I'd die! Love ya, Dude :)

Answer 6

You have already answered your own question. Marriages that begin at a young age like that normally fail, which means mommy was right when you were young but you wouldn't listen. Thanks for helping increase the divorce rate. It is women like you and men like your husband that will never be satisfied no matter what you do. You are financially insecure, and if your husband was a little more emotionally secure, he may go to work without worrying about you getting banged all day. Thanks for destroying family values with your raging hormones. Thanks to your husband too. If you really wanted to fight those feelings for this other guy, you would have cut off all contact with him to begin with.

And to Chiksita, why would you go through the screen and rip her bald headed if her lil boyfriend is married, but it is ok for her to be married and cheat on her husband, because she is 'unhappy'? She didn't marry an unemployed man. My guess is he had great work skills until he couldn't trust his wife anymore, lost his job due to missing days and depression, and can't seem to muster up the emotional fuel to be motivated to do more. No baldy because she is married? Double standard?

Answer 7

You're the only one who can answer this. Make your decision stand on it's own... sometimes we make ourselves fall "in love" as a way of getting out of an uncomfortable situation. Or as a way to distance and sever any remaining emotional ties. Or so we will have someone in reserve, to jump to when we leave our partner. Sometimes we are looking to fill a void that we expect someone else to fill (hint: no one can fill our voids except us...)

If you want to be sure, then cut off seeing your friend. THEN make your decision.

Answer 8

If you are in a violent marriage, you need to get out of it. You are not doing right by your children staying in that environment. Divorce him and move on with your life.

Answer 9

U can only decide for yourself!

But i would suggest that you stop lying to your hubby and urself and find the courage to tell him that u are not happy in this marriage so u can either decide to move on or work on this marriage!

Answer 10

Why do you try to justify your cheating with an unhappy marriage? Either work it out or move on. It's not up to us to decide for you only you can do that.