Me and my husband met in January, and married in July. Recently, it hasn't been going good, and divorce has actually crossed my mind a few times because he jumps on my case about stupid ****. Our relationship was good when we were in Texas, then we moved to Kentucky and got married, then it seemed to have fallen apart. When I left Kentucky to come back to Texas, we were fighting everyday over everything. I came back to Texas and our relationship seemed to start mending back, but for the past two days, we have done nothing but argue about work and bills.
I ran into a guy tonight that I knew from a job 2 years ago. I liked him then, and have found that I still like him... a lot. We went and played pool for 2 hours, and it was hard for me to have a good time because I know my relationship with my husband is going sour, but I don't want to break his heart. My husband is super jealous and doesn't like me to hang around guys b/c he's afraid I'll cheat on him.
What should I do?
2007-09-27 17:13:19 · 17 answers · asked by chasincansonclyde 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Short term relationships can develop into long lasting marriages just as much as the long term premarital relationships can end up on the rocks in no time at all.
Correction. You are not fighting about work and bills. (Money) The cause of your fighting is --- fear and false expectations.
The only reason for a spouse to get into a fight is the hate for its own weakness and inability to live up to partner's expectations. This weakness causes fear. In fear we look up to our partner for strength and if none is found accusations start flying developing into an argument and eventually into a fight.
You are looking for strength in this other fellow for he did not have a chance (not yet) to disappoint your expectations and vice-a-versa. (Do not worry, it will come.) Now just watch your feelings the next time you fight with someone accusing them or someone accusing you of disappointment. (Parents do that to their kids all the time but it is not their kid causing disappointment, it's parent's expectations causing this disappointment) It is not he/she who disappointed us, it is our expectations that were disappointed and since these expectations are all ours, we are responsible for them. Not our partner or anybody else.
The question you may want to ask yourself now is this: Do I want to keep my marriage intact or do I not?
That decision is yours and yours alone. Once you make this decision from the very bottom of your heart, one way or another, the resolution will appear almost instantly. Guaranteed.
2007-09-28 10:48:48 · answer #1 · answered by StanTheMan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm just wondering why did you marry your husband then and not the other guy? I guess the situation you were in was different. I'll get to the point now. In general the grass is not greener on the other side. I don't have enough details to give you good advice but you need to think your situation over and figure out if your marriage can be saved or not. Ask your self some question maybe that will help you. For example, Did you tell your husband what bothers you? Do you know for sure that the guy you're talking with has good intentions or does he want to be with you because he know that he can't have you?
2016-05-20 04:08:13 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure I won't be getting 10 points but oh well..... Is it any wonder you're not getting along??? It sounds like marriage is a game to you and that you really don't want a real marriage or you wouldn't be running here and there and going out to the bars playing pool and meeting other guys. You had no business getting married in the first place..... sure it got better when you left and ran back home.... I noticed that you said YOU went back to Texas.... I would be arguing with you too if you thought it was fine to spend money you probably couldn't afford and go back home.... and then spend even more going out drinking and cruising for other guys while your husband sits alone and has to work to pay for you playtime..... YOU ARE VERY IMMATURE AND SELFISH do him a favor and divorce him
2007-09-27 17:29:16 · answer #3 · answered by DavidV 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You're husband is right about you being a cheater. No wonder he's jealous. You should divorce him, not because you're thinking about cheating on him, but because it seems like you two didn't know each other well enough before you got married. Get out before there are children involved and before your finances get so intertwined that a divorce will be messy. Get the divorce before you start in on the new/old guy. No reason to drag him into it if you care at all about him. He'll still be there when it's all over if it's meant to be. Good luck.
2007-09-27 17:52:17 · answer #4 · answered by ginger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off , you married too soon and were not ready to either, if you are out shooting pool with another guy. The other guy just wants sex anyways, and you have already cheated on your husband emotionally by hanging out with someone else.
You are on a fast track to becoming yet another statistic, because of your "oh well , I am having marriage trouble, so rather than try and fix it I`ll just run away and get divorced" attitude. Marriage takes work, alot of work. If you were not prepared to work at it, then divorce your guy now so he can have a shot at a normal life again. As for you, good luck, you will prolly marry the new guy, then land up divorced again because rather than fix problems that crop up you chose to run away.
Marriage is for better or for worse, remember your vows?
2007-09-27 17:27:52 · answer #5 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You answer a lot of your own questions if you reread it, you married after 6 months together, before you really got to know each other, things improve when you move away from him and now you are going out with another guy.
Firstly you simply married too soon, although you like each other, you obviously have differences you can't live with.
Secondly you start getting along again after you separate, which shows you make good friends, nut I am afraid lousy partners.
Thirdly You are cheating on him by going out with this guy unless you agreed to do so when you separated. You don't have to be intimate to cheat on a partner.
And lastly you have already thought of divorce more than once, I am afraid it is best to cut your losses and hopefully remain friends rather than his learning you are going out with others and ending up with a angry ex.
Good luck, but bite the bullet and put it down to experience.
2007-09-27 19:10:31 · answer #6 · answered by Rational Thought 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, this is such a hard situation to be in. Well, I think you need to really work on your relationship with your husband for now. Give yourself a time line - lets say 6 months and truly work your tush off at making a good healthy relationship with the man you married for some reason?!?!?! Marriage is hard work - really hard work and you haven't even given yours a fair chance yet. I know temptation is hard and it always will be - it is for almost everyone I think. If you give all you got and it truly does not end up working out then you get your divorce and move on. This other guy will never fully trust you in a honest relationship with him anyway if you cheat on your husband. Hang in there.....
2007-09-27 17:19:47 · answer #7 · answered by hawk 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dear chasincansonclyde,
You are an adventurous and exciting person. Once again you tend to jump into your spontaneous and adventurous decision making self.
As much as I can tell from your story, you seem to be unable to handle anything that goes sour, so what makes you think being with the new guy would be different?
Perhaps it was never about the right guy, perhaps its simply that you have not mastered youself...
Have a look at how unconsicous you make decisions and react to it which changes lifes around you all the time.
Once again, there is no wrong or right thing to do, however I do fear the problems will continue to follow you coz YOU are the common denorminator in all your problems.
2007-09-27 17:28:55 · answer #8 · answered by Nicholas Wong 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes the act of getting married itself can put a lot of stresses that weren't thought of before, such as paying bills, cleaning house, always asking permission before doing something, lack of the previous independance. And that guy you met after 2 years? I bet if you had married him and lived with him for a while, he'd have just as many bad habits you don't like. I honestly think you should go to marriage counseling, to have a neutral person to help put perspective on your situation. I'm sure your hubby has his own reasons. I do know that men need praise and encouragement from their wives, not put downs. If for some reason they feel they can't provide for their family, as in lost a job or such, they get depressed. Emphasize you have hope in him. That helps a lot. When you change your attitude towards him, you'll be surprised what can happen.
2007-09-27 17:23:28 · answer #9 · answered by Linni 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you like the other guy and your husband is being so unreasonable and not giving you the emotional support you need, you certainly have the right to hang out with the other guy. I would suggest that you hang out at his place rather than your since your husband is jealous.
You can enjoy the other guy's company if you don't tell your husband and you are careful to not set a pattern. It will probably do you a lot of good and it will not harm your husband.
By spending time with the other guy, you can better evaluate whether or not you and he can have a long term relationship. If so, you can divorce your husband and marry the other guy. If it doesn't work out, at least you had some clean wholesome fun and some emotional support to counteract the grumbling and mistreatment you are getting from your husband.
2007-09-27 18:36:03 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋