my marriage life in in trouble as i have a bf and because of whom i want to divorce my hubby. but now when my hubby agreed i dont feel like staying away from him as i realised that i love him a lot and cant stay without him one moment also... i do care for my daughter too but my bf is ready to accept me and my child.he also says that we wont have a child and he will treat my daughter as his own blood. he is 23 i am 25. i dont undersatnd what do i do? i dont wanna hurt anyone. but my hubby has also told his parents and now i dont think any chances of patching up with him. i dont want to keep relations with my in laws as i dont like the way they treat me. my bf is ready to leave his family for me and stay with me.please help.
2007-09-27 16:56:30 · 25 answers · asked by tisha k 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do what makes you happy or happiest! In the long run either choice you make is gonna have some side effects!!! No answer is the right answer because you have a chid to think of in all this decision making!! You can't have both! Maybe you should take your daughter an have some alone time to yourself's, no men at all!! See how the two of you work out!!!Love is hard, do the best you can with what it give's you!!!!!GOOD-LUCK
2007-09-27 18:22:17 · answer #1 · answered by ajjsdj4ever 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so screwed up I'm surprised either of them want you. You need to get away from both of them for a while. Seriously evaluate what and who you want.
If you can, using logic, not your emotions, sort through the good and bad of both men, then you may have a chance.
The best way to do that is take a piece of paper, actually you need two pieces, on the top of one write one of the guys name and on the other the other guys name. Then divide the paper in half lehgthwise, on one side write good (pro) and on the other side write bad (con). The hard part is you have to be totally honest as you write in one column or the other.
Don't rush through this. Take a couple of days, the days you take away from them both. But, if you are completely honest with yourself the papers will not lie. One of the two will win out in the end. Then go to that guy and make sure he still wants you if he does problem solved except for tellling the other guy. Then you have to completely break it off with the one you are not going to be with. NOT FAIR otherwise. Good Luck.
2007-09-28 00:13:39 · answer #2 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you can't have a bf and a husband without some serious consequences.
You have to make a decision on who you want to really be with and follow your heart. It is not fair to either one of the men in your life to basically keep playing games.
Also, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about your situation. If you decide you want to work things out with your husband than you do that. Is his family going to look at you a little crazy, ofcourse they are.
In the end you're going to have to stop going back and forth. Make a decision and stick to it!
2007-09-28 00:24:59 · answer #3 · answered by moniquesexy75 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This will tear your daughter apart. Don't do it.
Who cares if your husband already told his parents and all? It's your feelings that count. You should talk to your husband and tell him that you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him. You know that having a boyfriend while being married is committing adultery? God will forgive you, you just have to do the right thing which is breaking up with your boyfriend and reuniting with your husband. Just think how much you love your husband and why you decided to marry him in the first place.
Children who's parents divorce sometimes think that they were a mistake because they shouldn't be in the world because their parent's weren't meant for each other. Don't let your daughter go through that.
Why do adults do this? Divorce is terrible. And there's a problem with the marriage, it can be solved. Eveything can be solved.
2007-09-28 00:05:16 · answer #4 · answered by Claudia 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Guess what? You made your bed & now you have to lie in it.
You seem to have been more into your bf for the thrill of it than for actual love. You should have thought about whether or not you had reached a stagnant point in your marraige & tried to spice it up before you decided to cheat. Your best choice now is to keep things going with your boyfriend & to try to keep a decent friendship with your soon to be ex-husband.
I'd suggest against going back together with your husband unless you know 100% that you really & truthfully want to be together with him & it is not just a case of wanting to have your cake & eat it too. I had a friend who did what you've done. She broke it off with her hubby for another guy, but almost immediately she wanted to go back with her husband because she "realized how much she loved him". Unfortunately whatever problems there were before were still there & she ended up cheating on him again. Eventually they broke it off permanently & have a terrible relationship to this day.
If you really 100% want to be with your husband again, I suggest spending a little time apart & getting some couple's therapy. I say time apart because you need some time to yourself to think about what you really want. Are you just saying you want to go back with your hubby because you are scared of trying something new? It happens quite a lot. Spending some time apart from him & going back to "dating" (going out & talking but not living with him or staying the night constantly) will help the two of you figure out where your relationship stands.
2007-09-28 00:05:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
www.MARRIAGEBUILDERS.com
Go to the section about affairs so that you can begin to understand how you were so vulnerable to this one. Dump your boyfriend, follow the instructions on how to affair proof your marriage, and start working on it.
You all might want to get some counsel as well. Contrary to popular opinion, you can not always do what you feel. Emotions lie to you and they change with the seasons. That is why we make what are called decisions and commitments and we stick with those regardless of how we feel. Kind of like your hubby is doing even though he "feels" hurt. So, start with the website and get some counsel if need be.
2007-09-28 03:35:10 · answer #6 · answered by pastornikki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hang about your husband is ready to leave you and oops you just realised you love him.
Your boyfriend is willing to accept you and your child and leave his own family just for you. He's the immature age of 23 with no worldly experience and no morals, you are 25 with absolutely no staying power in a marriage.
Wake up to reality honey, your husband is not going to be a "sometime" husband.
As they say only fools rush in.
2007-09-28 00:20:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, try growing up; you have been playing house, and think that you can just change the rules at a whim. You have a daughter that you have an obligation to parent.
Dump the bf, and work on reconciliation. Get professional help. This is way TOO important to just try and muddle through on your own.
2007-09-28 00:01:32 · answer #8 · answered by seeitmiway32 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You really need to step back and try to figure out why you are jumping from one relationship to another.
It is evident that your marriage didn't work and won't work in the future.
However, you also want to end another family for the sake of this.
I really feel that you should take some time out for yourself and your daughter and seek counselling to establish your need to be needed.
best of luck
2007-09-28 00:02:02 · answer #9 · answered by victoriarouge 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Break up with your boyfriend and commit to your husband. When you said "I do" doesn't that mean forever. And that's fine if it doesn't work out. But wait till the divorce is final till you have a bf. Don't give up yet on your marriage.
2007-09-28 00:02:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋