I've been happily married for almost a year. I like to socialize and am still in contact with my ex-boyfriend.
My husband and I have no issues with trust. I tell him everything, except this. To me, there's no big deal abt being in contact with my ex-bf coz I have no feelings whatsoever for him. Thing is, hubby seems to think that I dumped him earlier becoz of the guy.
Ok basically, I dumped my hubby once because of some relationship issues. and then I got attached to this ex-b/f. and then I dumped this ex-b/f because he was not ready for marriage and then I married my husband. I know it sounds really mean but, anyway, hubby still thinks I dumped him back then coz of this guy. which is not true. but since we got married, both he and I never ever mentioned about this ex-b/f again.
I am not really in frequent comms with my ex but I do refer to him as a reference on certain things becoz we share some specialised interests.
Issue is, am i betraying hub's trust in me?
2007-09-27 16:26:28 · 35 answers · asked by Girls O 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I must add here that I have not told him because I think that the very mentioning of my ex may hurt him and remind him of the past which he just wants to forget entirely.
2007-09-27 16:47:34 · update #1
yes, it is betraying him. if you don't think its a big idea. then why keep it a secret. i'm pretty sure if you tell your hubby, them he'll get man. talking to an ex's is like cheating on them. so just stop talking to him and be mature about it. yes it is wrong. and your ex's is not the only guy out there you can have same interest in.. so good luck on that.
2007-09-27 16:32:49 · answer #1 · answered by nandy 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
In a marriage you always think you will tell each other everything and then as the time passes there are things you don't say. Sometimes what you don't say is somewhat of a lie because of the nature of what you are not telling. Leaving out you stopped and bought a milk shake as a treat is not the same as leaving out that you talked 29 minutes to a man you used to be intimate with and once had romantic feelings for. I think it must concern you a little-hence the question-so clear the air-when you are sitting down casually say " Fred, I spoke to Tim today about our stamp collection and the convention next month. It was nice to talk to him about this but I made sure I told him how happy I was" Honestly, honest usually is the right thing in a marriage. Covering it up makes it seem like there is something to cover up and since there is not, I would just throw it out there the next time I talk to my ex.
2007-09-27 16:38:26 · answer #2 · answered by donny_mollysmom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You dont tell your husband your still in contact with your ex because its "NO BIG DEAL" , you dont have feeling's for the guy so its OK?
Who you tryna kid? , your hiding this from your husband and thats wrong , you might as well admit to cheating and as for no trust issues , honey you dont have any trust or you would trust your husband to know your still in contact with the guy , you may think you have no trust issues now but the fact your keeping him a secret is going to give your husband plenty of trust issues now isnt it , if you look at it from an adult's perspective and not a teenage high school game perspective.
Seriously either fess up and tell the hubby or quit what ever friendship you have behind your husbands back , you made your choice so stick it , no wonder men dont fully trust us fgs.
2007-09-27 16:43:26 · answer #3 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems like the ex is a fall back plan or comfort zone you fall back on... you broke up with the guy youre with now and went back to hubby, but the trust issue is you maybe dont trust youre decision you married the right man. Because if he finds out about secret ex boyfriend he might flip.
2007-09-27 16:43:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES! You are absolutely betraying your husband by having contact with this guy and not telling your hubby. You KNOW it's wrong or else you would have told him. If you love your husband and want your marriage to work, you need to continually earn his trust with complete truthfulness. Either cut off contact with the ex or fess up to hubby. If hubby says no, then you need to cut off contact from the ex anyway. It is no more than you would expect from him under the same circumstances.
2007-09-27 16:32:49 · answer #5 · answered by butrcupps 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you like so "socialize" why don't you try doing it with other people other than your ex? So if there's no feeling for this guy or there's nothing to hide why aren't you telling your husband what's going on? you obviously know in the back of your mind that this is wrong otherwise you wouldn't be hiding it from your husband. You are betraying your husband by doing this, so either stop or tell him about it, i'm sure he's not going to like it, put yourself in his position, would you like it if he was talking to his ex and not telling you about it? would you think that's suspicious and think there's something more other than just a "friendship"? think about this how would you feel?. Good luck to you!
2007-09-27 16:50:21 · answer #6 · answered by Pat's Angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you didn't see any issue with it , this wouldn't be the ONE THING you don't tell your husband about. I recommend either dicontinuing contact or being straight with your husband. Be ready to answer any questions your husband has about the relationship with the ex including answers about the past. I'd say the fact that you havent told him IS a trust issue. So get that relieved and then you won't have to worry any more.
2007-09-27 16:33:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a betrayal. If he ever finds out you are still talking to him, he is going to think something is up because you never told him about it! No matter what you do, he won't really believe that it was innocent. Cut all ties with the ex and find some other friends with the same interests as you.
2007-09-27 16:33:05 · answer #8 · answered by swtme810 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes and I am sorry to tell you but if your husband ever finds out his trust in you is going to go away!! Then he is going to think that you really did dump him for your ex what will make you stick around this time if your already talking to him behind my back!! This may cause your marriage to be over with!!
2007-09-27 16:31:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Yes, whatever you are doing now is betraying your husband. Why must you still in contact your ex? Do you still want to bring back past memories?
Always put yourself in other people's position (which is now your husband's position), how would you feel? Do you want such thing to happen to you?
Do not risk your marriage, stay away from your ex and treausre/cherish your marriage with your husband.
2007-09-28 15:29:51 · answer #10 · answered by Charlyn Lim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋